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James McShane: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

Posted on August 17, 2013 by pauldelancey

In The Darwin Murders Literary Event, I am pleased to announce winner number two of two. Please join with me in congratulating James for his submission: The Television Licence Inspector.

James McShane

The Television Licence Inspector

It was the last time he would ever come to my door, the last time he’d make my life a misery. Don’t get me wrong, he had a job to do, but he didn’t have to make it personal; he didn’t have to push me as far as he did.

I knew he’d be around on Friday. He made it a habit to make sure I was his last call of the week, letting me know he’d be thinking about how much he was going to make the following week a misery for me. I couldn’t take it anymore – something had to give.

So that fateful Friday, after much planning, I admitted to him that yes, I did indeed have a television licence, and would he like to come and see it? He didn’t know what to say, the poor chap, and when I offered him a cup of Earl Grey tea, the bottom nearly fell out of his world. He sat at my table, taking sip after sip of bergamot flavoured tea, while I rooted through my drawer looking for a television licence that didn’t exist.

The poison took full effect within two minutes. I watched the poor bastard struggle to breathe, spluttering tea all over my nice Ikea table. I saw the hopelessness in his eyes as at last he understood why I did what I did. Why pay a television licence when there’s never really anything on to watch? It’s enough to drive a man to murder.

✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍

James McShane is a writer from Dublin, Ireland. Struggling to write and complete his first novel, he spends much of his time on Facebook.

– Paul De Lancey, co-editor

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: Candace Bowen, Candace C. Bowen, Darwin, Darwin Murders, Darwin Murders Literary Event, Dublin, Ear Grey, Facebook, Ireland, James McShane, McShane, Paul De Lancey, Paul R. De Lancey | Leave a comment

Deborah K. Mason: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

Posted on August 16, 2013 by pauldelancey

In The Darwin Murders Literary Event, I am pleased to announce winner number one of two. Please join with me in congratulating Deborah for her submission; A Crushing Weight.

Deborah K. Mason

A Crushing Weight

She was waiting when he finally arrived home, always waiting. A blubbery mass of human flesh. That was how he thought of Maude nowadays. However, tonight there was something different about her. Not that he paid much attention to her lately. Peggy at the local diner he paid plenty of attention to, along with numerous other women. All thin, unlike big Maude. Standing there naked smiling at him.

She wordlessly took his hand leading him to the bedroom they hadn’t shared in years. Her grip on his hand was strong. Her hair hung loose, makeup flawless. In the candle lit bedroom he saw the woman he married. A beautiful shrewd woman, foundation of his real estate empire. A passionate woman, until illness caused her to balloon in size.

They were the most hated couple in Cedar Woods, snapping up property, tossing folks into the streets. Maude was the brains behind their legal and illegal operation. The reason he didn’t divorce her despite his aversion to her weight. Maude captured his attention as she laid him on the bed, music softly playing. She danced as she removed his clothes. A fire started deep in his loins. Maude was a vixen, a Jezebel. Teasing him until he was naked.

Relax.” She whispered. Liquid heat raced through his body. Maude mounted him, her weight bore down until he passed out.

After the funeral Maude kept her appointment for bypass surgery. She returned property to victimized homeowners before beginning a new life. Far from town.

✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍

Deborah K. Mason is an avid reader who enjoys writing short stories and poetry. Writing, researching and reading up on gruesome murders, mysteries, horror. She lives somewhere on Planet Earth with her children, The “Crew.”

– Paul De Lancey, co-editor

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: A Crushing Weight, Candace Bowen, Candace C. Bowen, Darwin, Darwin Murders, Deborah K. Mason, literary, murder, Paul De Lancey, Paul R. De Lancey, The Darwin Murders Literary Contest | 1 Comment

Book Review of The League for the Suppression of Celery by Wendy Russ

Posted on August 14, 2013 by pauldelancey

How can you not like, how can you not buy a novel with the title The League for the Suppression of Celery? I bought it and I’m glad I did. I is a fun, delightful read. I would have said it is quite the page turner, but I read on Kindle so it is quite the “next-page” button pusher.

The League for the Suppression of Celery is a love story. Will Kate Pearson, a photography major from Arkansas, fall for the seductive charms of her new boss, a boss who harbors a strange secret? Will she choose the smitten computer salesman who follows her across the country?

But this is a love story like no other. Kate, gets the improbable job offer to work for one of the nation’s most charismatic celebrity chefs. Kate drives from Arkansas to California in a beat-up car to encounter as many crazy, hilarious adventures as Hope and Crosby did in their Road To… films. Along the way Kate chances upon strawberries with truly strange properties, a woman who makes love potions, a giant pig-roasting event, and The League For the Suppression of Celery, a militant organization like no other.

The League for the Suppression of Celery is a wonderfully quirky and compelling first novel with a well-drawn character. I expect more great books from Wendy Russ.

– Paul De Lancey, reviewer

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: Arkansas, California, celrey, Crosby, Hope, militant organization, Road To, The League for the Suppression of Celery, Wendy Russ | Leave a comment

Book Review of History Lover’s Cookbook by Roxe Anne Peacock

Posted on August 13, 2013 by pauldelancey

Roxe Anne Peacock has written an excellent cookbook. It will appeal to cooks wanting to create recipes from a simpler but just as tasty time. Civil War buffs will love the culinary history. Peacock’s recipes are precise, informative, and fun. Her research and period-style photographs are first rate. I am looking forward to trying many of her recipes.

Both the cover to the left and the recipe to the right are from her Kindle edition.

– Paul De Lancey, reviewer

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: book review, Civil War, cookbook, history, History Lover's Cookbook, Kindle, recipes, Roxanne, Roxe Anne Peacock | 2 Comments

Agua Tamarindo

Posted on August 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Dessert

AGUA TAMARINDO

INGREDIENTS

8 cups water
1/2 cup tamarind syrup
1/4 cup confectionary sugar

PREPARATION

Use long wooden spoon to mix all ingredients in pitcher. Stir until sugar dissolves. This goes well served over ice.

TIDBITS

1) There are no weird facts about tamarinds.

2) Not even fun facts.

3) Tamarinds came India. Sailors carried them back on rest-infested vessels.

4) The rats often were so numerous and ravenous the sailors had to throw whole handful of tamarind pods at the rats.

5) Hence the popular nautical saying and anagram, “Tamarinds, I damn rats.”

6) Not all rats were pests. Some could be trained to race each other . Bosun Arthur Beans of the HMS Kidney could amuse for his ship mates with his trained rats.

7) Other seamen of the British Royal Navy trained their rats to do tricks, such as jumping through hoops.

8) However, Arthur’s trained rats could prove the Pythagorean Theorem and to waltz. Eventually, their fame spread so much that every Christmas Eve the Admiralty would witness a palindromic performance of Art’s Star Rats.

9) Or so I’ve heard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: agua, British, British Royal Navy, Christmas Eve, confectionary sugar, dessert, India, Mexican, Mexico, Pythagorean theorem, rats, tamarind, tamarindo | Leave a comment

Chicken Pulique

Posted on August 2, 2013 by pauldelancey

Guatemalan Entree

CHICKEN PULIQUE

INGREDIENTS

3 chicken breasts
1/4 cup olive oil
2 cloves garlic
2 brown potatoes
4 fresh tomatillos
2 dried guajillo peppers
1 medium onion
4 Roma tomatoes
2 cups chicken broth

2 cloves
3 peppercorns
2 teaspoons annatto seed
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cumin
3 tablespoons epazote

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1/2″ cubes. Coat chicken with olive oil. Add to Dutch oven and sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Stir. occasionally.

While chicken sautés, cut potatoes into 1/2″ cubes. Add chicken stock and potato to soup pot. Cook on medium heat for 20 minutes or until potato is tender.

While chicken bakes and potato cooks, remove husks from tomatillos, and seed guajillo peppers. Mince tomatillo, garlic, guajillo peppers, onion, and tomatoes. Grind cloves and peppercorns. (Whew, work fast! Have a Roy Rogers drink to give you the necessary caffeine. ☺)

Pour potato/chicken broth over chicken cubes in Dutch oven. Add tomatillo, garlic, guajillo peppers, onion, tomatoes, cloves, peppercorn, annatto, cinnamon, cumin, and epazote to Dutch oven. Cook at medium-low heat for about 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Oh crudness, my internet connection is out. I can’t look up fun facts about pulique. I’m jump starting my brain. Okay, here goes.

2) Pulique is quite popular in Guatemala.

3) It is not as popular where there is zero gravity such as the International Space Station.

4) Cooking involves much mincing of garlic. On Earth, garlic mincing means little garlic bits scatter millimeters into the air and fall all over the cutting board.

5) Only in zero gravity, those garlic bits keep rising in the air and fly all over the place until they hit the ceiling and the walls where they bounce and bounce up and down the corridors.

6) If the chef on the Space Station is mincing up a heap of garlic, pretty soon a cloud of garlic bits fills every corridor, floating and bouncing away for a long time.

7) Everything on the station soon reeks of garlic, even the billion-dollar experiments.

8) On the other hand, vampires hate garlic. The Space Station would be guaranteed to be vampire free.

9) Even if the vampires somehow built a rocket to propel them into outer space..

10) And as of going to press, vampires have shown no such technological skill.

11) Nor do they enough money to pursue such a monumental undertaking.

12) Nor do vampires have any real access to the global capital market.

13) Bankers everywhere no longer loan to vampires. Not for any project.

14) These financiers once lent to vampires, but the loans came back to bite them in the ass.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: annatto, bankers, broth, chicken, chicken pulique, cinnamon, cloves, cumin, Dutch, entree, epazote, guajillo, Guatemala, Guatemalan, international, International Space Station, olive oil, oven, peppers, potatoes, pulique, Roma, space, station, tomatillos, tomatoes, vampires | Leave a comment

Cajun Goober Peas

Posted on July 31, 2013 by pauldelancey

Cajun Entree

CAJUN GOOBER PEAS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound raw, unsalted peanuts in shells (or roasted, unsalted)
1 1/2 quarts water (and more later)
1/4 cup Cajun seasoning
2 teaspoons cayenne
2 teaspoons coriander
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons thyme
4 teaspoons paprika

PREPARATION

Wash peanuts until water runs clear. Put peanuts (do not shell them) in large pot. Add water and salt. (Peanuts should be completely cover with water.) Add Cajun seasoning, cayenne, coriander, cumin, thyme and paprika. Soak for 30 minutes

Boil pot to boil. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 3-to-8 hours (Yes, that is a wide time range. New peanuts will cook in a much shorter time than peanuts that have been on the shelf for a long time.)

Check water level after 30 minutes. Add water if needed. Water should always cover peanuts. Start tasting peanuts after 3 hours. Add water if needed. Peanuts are done when they are firm yet tender or reach your desired texture.

TIDBITS

1) It takes about 54 peanuts to make a 1.2-ounce jar of peanut butter.

2) The protein and B vitamins in peanuts help you think.

3 Oh dear, I need a peanut to jump start my brain. *Munch, munch, munch.*

4) You could place 18-ounce peanut-butter jars, if you could find that many, around the Earth’s Equator and still be able to go around 1/3 more time.

5 Or you could place 13.5 ounce jars around the Equator and just make one circuit.

6 But why would you want to do this?

7 Do you have the money to buy that much peanut butter?

8 Can you arrange for the necessary transport?

9) Much of the Equator is on the ocean. Would the jars of peanut butter just float away? Wouldn’t they be a hazard to navigation?

10) Wouldn’t hurricanes or tornadoes be able to fling peanut butters jars vast distances? I mean if a powerful windstorm can pick up a cow… and what happens when the jars come down. “Tonight, we have a peanut-butter storm watch over Dane County. Residents are advised to stay inside. No word yet if we can expect chunky or cream precipitation.”

11) And what of the jars along the Equator that lie peacefully along the ground. How long do you think it will be before people take the jars and eat the peanut butter?

12) Ooh, ooh! Nobel Peace Prize idea here. Countries that fight each other a lot should build a wall made of jars of peanut butter. After a while hungry people from both nations will start taking jars down and eating the tasty peanut butter. Peanut-butter pleased people perform plenty pleasant acts of kindness happiness. Kindness engenders happiness. People want more happiness. They take down more jar of peanut butter. They get happier. The wall diving the two countries eventually disappears. Everybody sees nothing but kind and happy people in the other country. Peace breaks out.

13) Peace breaks out even faster with peanut and jelly on toast.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: B vitamins, Cajun, cayenne, coriander, cumin, Earth, Equator, goober peas, Nobel Peace Prize, paprika, peanut butter, peanut butter and jelly, Peanuts, thyme | Leave a comment

My Three Most liked Pins on Pinterest

Posted on July 30, 2013 by pauldelancey

The following are my three most liked pins on Pinterest

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: arouses, confuse, correct grammar, ninja, passion, Pinterest, tongue | Leave a comment

Goober Peas

Posted on July 27, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Entree

GOOBER PEAS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound raw, unsalted peanuts in shells (or roasted, unsalted)
1 1/2 quarts water (and more later as needed)
1/4 cup salt

PREPARATION

Wash peanuts until water runs clear. Put peanuts (do not shell them) in large pot. Add water and salt. (Peanuts should be completely cover with water.) Soak for 30 minutes

Check water level after 30 minutes. Add water if needed. Water should always cover peanuts. Start tasting peanuts after 3 hours. Add water whenever needed. Peanuts are done when they are firm yet tender or reach your desired texture.

TIDBITS

1) Goober peas was a funny song protesting the quality of the rations suffered by the Confederate soldiers during the Civil War.

2) Here are the lyrics of Goober peas:

Sitting by the roadside on a summer’s day
Chatting with my mess-mates, passing time away
Laying in the shadows underneath the trees
Goodness how delicious eating goober peas

Peas, peas, peas, peas
Eating goober peas
Goodness how delicious
Eating goober peas

When a horse-man passes, the soldiers have a rule
To cry out at their loudest, “Mister, here’s your mule?”
But another pleasure enchantier than these
Is wearing out your grinders, eating goober peas

Peas, peas, peas, peas
Eating goober peas
Is wearing out your grinders
Eating goober peas

Just before the battle, the General hears a row
He said, “The Yanks are coming, I hear their rifles now”
He turns around in wonder and what do you think he sees?
The Georgia Militia eating goober peas

Peas, peas, peas, peas
Eating goober peas
The Georgia Militia
Eating goober peas

I think my song has lasted almost long enough
The subject’s interesting but the rhymes are mighty tough
I wish this war was over and free from rags and fleas
We’d kiss our wives and sweethearts, and gobble goober peas

Peas, peas, peas, peas
Gobble goober peas
We’d kiss our wives and sweethearts
And gobble goober peas

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: American, entree, Georgia Militia, goober peas, here's your mule, Peanuts, salt, song | Leave a comment

Lavender Cookies

Posted on July 26, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

LAVENDER COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon dried lavender (lavender buds)
2 cups flour (a bit more later for dusting surfaces)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons water

PREPARATION

Use fork to cream butter and sugar in mixing bowl. (It’s easier if your butter is already soft from being outside the refrigerator.) Add flour, lavender, flour, vanilla extract, and water. Mix with fork until thoroughly blended. Roll mixture into large dough ball. Cover with plastic wrap and chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Dust plate with flour. Put dough on plate and roll it out. Cut out cookies with knife, cookie cutter, or small cup. Dust cookie sheet with flour. Place cookies on cookie sheet and put in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until they just begin to brown.

Remove sheet from oven. Let cookies cool for 10 minutes. Remove from cookie sheet and place on wire rack. Let cool for another 10 minutes.

Cookie fiends will find waiting these 20 minutes difficult.

TIDBITS

1) Lavender has a long history of supposedly beneficial uses.

2) According to Chicago’s Smell and Taste Research Foundation, the most sexually exciting smells for men are lavender and pumpkin pie.

3) Having a man over lemon and lavender chicken and a pumpkin pie for dessert really loads the odds in your favor.

4) Unless, of course, your man has a migraine.

5) Good news, the German nun Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) believed drinks mixed with lavender cured migraines.

6) So why serve you headachy hunk a nice cooling drink of lavender lemonade? The lavender makes his head feel better. The lavender also makes him amorous. Can ViagraTM do as much? I think not.

7) Lavender was once claimed to cure impotence in mice. Why test it on mice? Why? Why? Do we need more mice?

8) But if lavender could cure impotence in men caused by evil spirits, it would be a great thing. Cheaper than ViagraTM. The pharmaceutical industry must be afraid of lavender.

9) And hah, Spanish churches used to burn lavender to keep away evil spirits.

10) Let’s recap. Lavender chases away evil spirits that cause male impotency, cures impotency, banishes headaches, puts a man in a loving mood, makes a great entree, and is the just the thing for a nice cooling drink.

11) And if you don’t have a date lavender will: protect you from the plague, alleviate muscular pains, diminish cold sores, soothe insect bites, banish head lice, mask halitosis, and control dandruff.

12) Yay lavender.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: butter, cookies.American, dandruff, dessert, halitosis, head lice, history, lavender, lavender buds, lavender cookies, migraine, plague, pumpkin pie, sexually exciting smells, Spanish churches, vanilla extract, Viagra | Leave a comment

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James McShane: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

Deborah K. Mason: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

Book Review of The League for the Suppression of Celery by Wendy Russ

Book Review of History Lover’s Cookbook by Roxe Anne Peacock

Agua Tamarindo

Chicken Pulique

Cajun Goober Peas

My Three Most liked Pins on Pinterest

Goober Peas

Lavender Cookies

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