Normal people bore. Data Analysts sparkle.
Normal people blend into beige scenery. Data analysts tantalize with heart-racing sexiness.
The above picture is proof you cannot deny.
Become a data analyst and live life as it is meant to be!
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1½ pounds cod fillets
½ teaspoon baking powder
1⅓ cups flour
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup beer
6 cups vegetable oil
SPECIAL UTENSIL
deep fryer
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Pat cod fillets dry with paper towels. Cut cod fillets into 8 total strips. Add baking powder, flour, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Add beer to bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Let sit for 30 minutes
Add oil to deep fryer. (It should cover the cod strips with at ½” to spare.) Heat oil to 375 degrees. (Oil is hot enough when a tiny bit of bread will turn golden brown quickly.)
Put cod strip into mixing bowl and turn until strip is thoroughly coated. Repeat for all strips. Add coated cod strips to deep fryer. Do not let strips touch each other. You might have to cook in batches. Deep fry coated cod strips for 4 minutes or until golden brown. Gently turn strips after 2 minutes. Use slotted spoon to gently remove fried strips. Place strips on plate covered with paper towel to drain excess oil. Goes well with French fries.
TIDBITS
1) Cod are deeply protective of their young. This level of care for their offspring extends even after being caught, filleted, and deep fried. You can see in the above picture how the big pieces have assumed a defensive posture around the little one. You have to go through the big cod bits before you can get to the little deep fry. This gives the small one time to slip off your plate and roll away.
2) Of course, this interests the U.S. Navy very much. It’s submarines costs billions and billions and are essential to America’s defense. Ongoing trials investigate imprinting adult cod with the idea that our naval subs are really young cod and so, worthy of their protection.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The world of anthropology is a rough and tumble one. Heated discussions abound. It’s quite common to hear such charged phrases as “So’s Lucy of Olduvai’s mother” or “You look like a Neanderthal and think like a homonid” abound.
Sure, you could take up mathematics where everything can be proved or disproved. But where’s the fun in that?
Real men and women flock to anthropology where fossils are rare. Where painting on caves are rare. And don’t even get me started on the lack of cookbooks from the Cro Magnon Era. Either these early humans never learned to write or if they did, their recipes were written on media that just couldn’t survive hundred of thousands of years of exposure to the elements. We’ll just have to wait for a cookbook chiseled in stone by flint tools. In the meantime, we can only speculate what sides Cro -Magnon chefs served with their mastodon steaks.
Let’s face it, there isn’t a lot of evidence. Conjectures must be made. Some are brilliant, some are reasonable, some are demented. But who’s to say which theory is the best. Reasoned discourse only goes so far.
Eventually, you’ll have to fight for your view. You need to take up boxing. Every full professor in every major anthropology department across academia won his position by knocking out a weaker, slower hitting colleague.
It goes almost without saying that Nobel Prize winners in anthropology could turn pro in boxing.
Anthropology, it’s not for sissies.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Crave the action, the adrenaline rush of a Die Hard(tm) movie, but with the elegance of live ballet?
Come see Poway Ballet Company’s hard-hitting updates of beloved ballet classics.
Get your tickets now.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Planet: Mercury
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Venus
Does it have tacos? No. Looks like an overcooked egg yolk. That doesn’t count.
Does it have life: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.91 pound
Planet: Earth
Does it have tacos? Yes. Billions and billions
Does it have life? Yes. Billions and billions of people. Lots of other living thingies.
Weight of two tacos: 1.00 pound
Planet: Mars
Do it have tacos? No. It does have Mars Bars(tm), but those are not tacos.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Jupiter
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 2.36 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Saturn
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.06 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Uranus
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life?: No.
Was it once named George?: Yes
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: .89 pound (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Neptune
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.13 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet*: Pluto
Does it have tacos?: No.
Does it have life?: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.08 pound
Did this plucky celestial orbiter have its planetary status callously stripped in 2006 and only given reluctantly given back the wienie status of dwarf planet soon afterward because of widespread outcry?: Yes.
MAJOR CONCLUSIONS
1) Life only exists on planets with tacos.
2) Don’t drop your tacos on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune. They will continue to fall until they reach the planet’s center.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and astronomer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
¼ teaspoon baking soda
2 eggs
¼ cup vegetable oil
½ cup whole milk yogurt
½ pound Bulgarian white cheese, sirene, or feta
no-stick spray
½ pound phyllo sheets
1 tablespoon butter
SPECIAL UTENSIL
9″-pie pan
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add baking soda, eggs, cup vegetable oil, and yogurt to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Crumble white cheese into bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Spray pie pan with no-stick spray.
Gently unroll phyllo dough. Drizzle 2 tablespoons yogurt/feta mixture onto phyllo sheet. Gently smooth mixture over entire phyllo sheet. Gently roll up the covered sheet into a log. Repeat for each phyllo sheet.
Place a phyllo log seam-side down along edge of pan. Gently shape phyllo log into a spiral. Place end of next phyllo log at the end of first log. Shape this phyllo log so as to continue to spiral started by the first one. Repeat until pie pan is completely filled with phyllo logs. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until pie turns golden brown.
TIDBITS
1) In 1946, Bulgaria came under the control of the Soviet Union. Culinary historians note that Russia pretended to let Bulgaria rule through a council known as the Karfeni Glavi. This, of course, translates to “Potato Heads.” So, you can see how little the average Bulgarian though of the council. But by the late 1980s the Soviet Union was teetering on collapse. A few Potato Heads, sensing independence, while not yet ready to challenge Russia directly, started abstaining. But not many. Few wanted to stick his neck out. Then in 1989, Potato Head Iliev, noted Bulgaria’s national dish “Banista” was, in English, an anagram for “abstain.” He’d bring banitsa every time he abstained saying, “I’m hungry.” He’d let his fellow Potato Heads in on his secret. Soon, all the Heads were bringing banitsa and abstaining. Russian rule collapsed in the face of such a united opposition. Yay.
Paul De Lancey, Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
short sleeve weather
The following statements about Poway’s weather are generally true all year and especially so now.
You can forecast the weather simply by looking out the window.
If the sky is clear, it’s already warm outside. It will stay warm all day. Wear a short-sleeve shirt.
If the sky is completely cloudy, it is cool outside. It’ll probably stay cool. Keep warm; wear a long-sleeve shirt. However, just to be safe, check the sky later in the day. If the clouds dissipate or blow away, the temperature will rise. You could change into a short-sleeve shirt. In times of such changes in the weather as these, however, I recommend a thin, long-sleeve shirt. It doesn’t pay to take chances.
Well, that’s you need to know about forecasting the weather in Poway, CA, my fair city.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and meteorologist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The very latest fashions are in from the center of fashion, Montenegro! Montenegro is hip! Montenegro is now! Montenegro is wow! Montenegro is a small country near Italy and Albania.
Montenegro may be small in size, but it’s huge in the fashion accessory industry. You know the saying, As go Montenegro’s fashions, so go the World’s.
What are the fashion geniuses of Montenegro telling us? Why, accessories, accessories, accessories. And if you’re going out in public, you simply must accessorize with a tote bag and cell phone.
Not just any cell phone and tote bag. No, no, no, no, no. The cell phone simply must come in a blue-and-black protective case if you want to be chic and current. And if you really want to stand apart from the teeming masses of fashionista wannabes, buy yourself a cat tote bag from the House of Kotor. Buy this, buy this, buy this. Take out a second mortgage if need be, but buy a Kotor Cat tote bag.
Buy these fashion musts right now, before fashions change again.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 pound Edam cheese or Gouda
2 eggs
1½ tablespoons milk
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup flour
1 cup breadcrumbs
4 cups olive or vegetable oil (Enough to cover fried cheeses)
Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
SPECIAL UTENSIL
Frying pan large enough to cook four cheese squares. I know a large frying pan is not normally considered a special utensil. But it really helps makes fried cheese look nicer when you can cook them all at once. Bits of breadcrumbs can blacken succeeding batches.
PREPARATION
Cut cheese into 4 slices ½” thick.. Add eggs, milk, and salt to mixing bowl. Beat with whisk or fork until well blended. Add flour to 1st plate. Add breadcrumbs to 2nd plate.
Heat oil using medium heat. Oil is hot enough when a breadcrumb dropped in will start to dance. Dredge cheese slices through flour until completely coated. Dredge cheese slices through eggs until completely coated. Dredges cheese slice through breadcrumbs until completely coated.
Gently place coated cheese slices in oil. (Carefully, the hot oil might splatter.) Fry using medium heat for 2 minutes on each side or until it turns golden brown. Remove immediately and pat dry with paper towels. Goes well with tartar sauce as a dipping sauce or with French fries.
TIDBITS
1) The human race abounds with geniuses. Some of them make medical breakthroughs. Others invent devices that make space exploration and planetary excursions ever easier. Then there are the culinary geniuses that find news foods to deep fry.
2) The following is a partial list of foods deep fried by these visionaries: bacon slathered with mayonnaise, bubble gum, butter, Cadbury Cream Egg(tm), cookie dough, corn on the cob, flowers, gravy, guacamole, jelly beans, Mars(tm) bars, Nutella(tm), salsa, sauerkraut, watermelon, and White Castle(tm) burgers. My pick for the most innovative deep-fried dish is the tarantula. It does exist, really.
Paul De Lancey, Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dora Duckling says, “Hi.” She invites you to go swimming in the pond woth her.
Now, don’t you feel warm and fuzzy?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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