Very Simple Chiseling Haiku
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, oops.
– Paul the Bad Artist
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Modern Art Haiku
I don’t understand you
And you do not understand me
Let’s have a root beer.
– Paul the Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Take my beautiful, adoring women. Please!
According to the advertisements I get on line, there are literally dozens of beautiful women eager to have me invest in foreign currencies. Of course, this is all understandable as I know the purchasing-power parity condition, e.g.,
Price of Big Mac (denominated in dollars) = ($/Euro) * Price of Big Mac (denominated in euros)
However, I already have a wife who would love me even if I didn’t understand foreign exchange. So, I don’t need these beauties and their euros and yen. I’m sure my wife would feel the same as well.
So, visit me on Facebook and claim one of my admirers. It would be nice, if at the same time, you purchased one of my novels. I mean, fair is fair.
I could have had a really cool photo of a 5 lempira note from Honduras but I’m having problems with my scanner. Sorry.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Dreamer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Haiku to Heteroskedasticity
Some words are quite long
Heteroskedasticity
Is one of those those.*
* = “Those those” because the last line needs five syllables. Haikus aren’t easy to write either.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I’d think zombies would like flip-flops over shoes with laces, what with their missing fingers, decreased motor skills, and all. I’d think this would be particularly important with increased TSA security at airports. I mean how would you like to be late for that flight for the Tucson Tamale Festival and have a zombie fumble for all eternity with his shoes.And pity that poor zombie. Not only has he encountered nearly universal prejudice from the living, but he now must face the same from weary travelers at airports. So if you see a zombie fumbling with his laces, give him a flip flop or Croc. You’ll have made a friend for undeadness.
And you’ll make your flight, too.
– Paul R. De Lancey, ace reporter.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Our country lies way down the list of developed countries in terms of effectiveness and in cost of our private health-care system. Moreover, many Americans complain quite bitterly about Obamacare, the president’s solution. America’s second biggest beef is the invasive full-body pat downs of the TSA at airports. What to do?
Simple. Give all the TSA personnel medical training. That way when they paw our breasts, squeeze our testicles, and probe our butts we could be getting tested for breast and prostate cancers FREE OF CHARGE.
We all know that prevention is much more effective in keeping us healthy than treatment after coming down with diseases. Thus, it is plain my proposal would save each American family thousands of dollars every year in lower medical bills.
Another benefit of my system is that health care could only get better with each different terrorist attempt to smuggle weapons onto a plane. Suppose, a no-goodnik smuggled a deadly explosive by shoving it way up his butt, it WOULD BE GREAT NEWS to all of us over 50. We’d get free colonoscopies from the hands-on folks of the TSA.
Now, if we could only get the TSA to recruit from Hooters and Chippendales.
– Paul R. De Lancey, medical reporter.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The greatest threat to world peace is the Chicago Cubs. They last won a world series in 1908. Since then America has fought two world wars, and other wars while not as big as these two, still replete with distressing levels of violence.
Since the last Cubs’ last World Series win our boys have fought in: France, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, Italy, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Russia, South Korea, North Korea, China, Philippines, Micronesia, Romania, New Guinea, Indonesia, Burma, Haiti, Santo Domingo, Grenada, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, USA (against the Japanese), Japan, Somalia, Vietnam, and Panama.
This doesn’t even count all the countries where our Air Force has fought nor all of our special ops. My apologies to veterans who fought in a country that escapes my feeble memory.
But the unassailable fact remains; America has been doing a heck of lot of fighting since the Chicago Cubs last won the big one. The conclusion is obvious. Because of the Cubs steadfast avoidancel of excellence, violence stalks the globe. If ever there were a time for a global-prayer day, it is now. Pray for world peace. Pray for a Cubs Series win. It is the only way it will ever happen.
And did you know that the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 is closer to the Cubs’ last world championship than it is to present?
– Paul the Historian
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Ah, the good old days.
– Paul the Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Well now you know.
– Paul the Writer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Well now you know. It’s not entirely easy.
– Paul the Mathematician
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 