Posts Tagged With: round table

Quick Barbecue Sauce

American Appetizer

QUICK BARBECUE SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

½ cup brown sugar
½ tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 cup ketchup
1¼ teaspoons paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
¼ cup red wine vinegar or white wine vinegar
½ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons water
½ tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Makes 1½ cups. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Put any unused sauce in Mason jar. Store in refrigerator.

TIDBITS

1) King Arthur reigned in Camelot. He had a circle of knights that kept the peace and enforced his decrees. But his knights showed themselves time and time again to be extremely jealous of their prestige and social ranking compared to the others.

2) This constant jockeying for power came out in the open at mealtimes as the head of the table conferred the most prestige on the knight who sat there. This place went to the king whenever he was around. Similarly, the next two most powerful knights sat on opposite sides of the table and one chair away from the head knight. And so on. Everyone could easily calculate his importance at the court just by counting chairs.

3) Naturally, all knights felt they deserved a chair closer to the king. Differences arose. Elbows were thrown. Insults such as “Yea verily, your mater” got bruited about. Knights drew swords. Blood got shed. King Arthur realized he’d have no knights left unless something happened. And happen it did. One fine May day, Arthur and his knights gathered on the castle green for Smoked Pork Ribs. The knights all sprawled around a giant cauldron of Quick Barbecue sauce. The cauldron’s roundness meant no jockeying for the most prestigious spots; there weren’t any. The reason for conflict disappeared.

4) King Arthur saw this and decreed a Round Table for his court’s meals. The knights celebrated feasts there in perfect harmony. A just and lasting peace descended on Camelot. Then Sir Kay noticed that you could determine your value to King Arthur simply counting the number of chairs you were away from him. Civil War broke out. The Kingdom of Camelot fell apart. This is why our leaders always consult books on dining etiquette for meals held for visiting heads of state.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Boston Baked Beans

American Appetizer

BOSTON BAKED BEANS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound great Northern beans
8 cups water
1 medium onion
5 ounces salt pork
¼ cup brown sugar
⅓ cup molasses
2 teaspoons dry mustard
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt

Makes 9 bowls. Takes overnight to soak plus 6 hours to cook.

PREPARATION

Add beans and water to large pot. Soak overnight. Reserve liquid from pot. Mince onions. Cut salt pork into ½” cubes. Add all ingredients including reserved liquid to slow cooker.  (If you discarded the liquid, add 5 cups water.) Use low setting to Cook for 6 hours or until beans are tender. Stir before serving.

TIDBITS

1) Beans are fairly round. Bowls are completely round. The Britons of King Arthur’s time ate beans before battle. Beans gave them strength and courage.

2) Though not the element of surprise. The many toots that came of Arthur’s knights always gave them away, no matter how carefully they concealed themselves in ambush. But the armies of King Arthur’s day generally eschewed–not that the illiterate warriors of the day would have known a two-dollar word as eschewed–complicated tactics such as ambush. Generally they came together and bashed the heck out of each other until one side gave way.

3) Naturally, King Arthur’s knights wanted to eat strength-and-courage-giving beans before combat for the knights eating the most beans, bashed the most enemy knights. In turn, these knights got the most gold, land, and the best castles from a grateful and victorious Arthur.

4) All knights wanted this. This meant they had to get the biggest bowl of beans. Soon combat broke out among King Arthur’s fighters. His warriors began to die off before they even saw the enemy.

5) The only way to have equally large bean bowls was to have only one bowl for all the knights, one they ate from at the same time. Naturally, this bowl had to be enormous. An enormous round bean bowl requires an enormous round table to support it. This is how the Round Table came about.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Beer Pizza

Italian Entree

BEER PIZZA

INGREDIENTSBeerPizza-

1 beer pizza crust (See above recipe.)
1 small onion
1 Roma tomato
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
½ pound ground sausage
¼ cup beer (additional ¼ cup later)
½ cup pasta sauce
¼ cup beer
1¼ cups tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
no-stick spray

Takes 30 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray pizza pan to keep the pizza from sticking. (It’s not a good feeling to have your great looking, great smelling pizza fall apart because it sticks to pan when you try to serve it.) Put crust on pan.

Thinly slice onion and tomato. Add Italian seasoning and ground sausage. Mix with hands and form several small meatballs. Add meatballs and ¼ cup beer to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir a couple times to ensure even browning. Remove meatballs.

Add pasta sauce and ¼ cup beer to liquid already in pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Ladle beer/pasta sauce evenly over crust. Sprinkle onion slices, tomato slices, meatballs and Parmesan cheese over sauce. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust in golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Old King Arthur’s knights loved beer pizza. When the blessing of the food was over, all hands shot out to grab a big piece. However, the Knights of the Square Table who sat at the corners were at a severe disadvantage over the knights who sat at the sides. Hence the saying, “As hungry as a corner knight.” These hungry knights invariably challenged the pizza-chomping side-of-the table knights to mortal combat. King Arthur found his army of knights so depleted by pizza-fired duels, that his kingdom was wide open to foreign invasion. Then, he hit upon the happy idea of making a round table for pizza eating. All knights were equidistant from the pizza. All Knight of the Round Table were equally fed and content. It was a glorious time.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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