Posts Tagged With: road repair

Things Faster Than Plate Tectonics

Posted on September 3, 2024 by pauldelancey

Watch Earth’s plates separate.

And they are:

1) The wait in an urgent care’s waiting room on a Tuesday morning after Labor Day. 2,700 people were there 15 minutes after opening. (All the people who would have gone on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday stampeded the facility today.)

2) Road repair. (The jury’s out on this one, but I suspect plate tectonics is a little slower.)

3) Watching a foreign move because your good looking date wanted to.

4) The line at the DMV.

5) Red lights. (There’s always a direction of traffic that gets massively favored and one that gets screwed.)

6) Any line when you have a bad back.

7) Reading the last 200 pages of War and Peace. (Again, another close call.)

8) Parties where you are the only introvert, don’t know anyone, and have no ride home.

9) And there are no snacks to eat and no animals to pet.

10) Recovering from Covid.

11) Watching a pot of water and waiting for it to boil.

12) Games of Risk(tm), Uno(tm), and Monopoly(tm).

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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How Road Repair Companies Can Save Money

Posted on August 9, 2024 by pauldelancey

dummy World War II tank

We’ve also suffered from road construction, sidewalk repairs, etc. that turn major mult-lane roads into one lane with barely moving cars. You know in your hearts that these road-repair companies (RRCs) could complete their jobs in a month. But they don’t. They let the job linger for a year or more.

Why do they do this? They’re petrified of having no job or projects. So they bid on and win several projects. They haven’t the manpower to finish all the projects at once. So they move their few crews from one site to another. This means that most projects will not have crews working on them. But it looks bad, if the RRC doesn’t even pretend to work on a site.

What do they do then? They park backhoes, steamrollers, and other big truck at the unattended road repairs. And they leave there and they leave them there and they leave them there. Doesn’t it cost the RRC a lot of money to buy enough big trucks to leave at seventeen unworked sites?

Yes, it does! This is where my brilliant ideas comes in. The RRC contacts a firm that makes bouncy castles and asks them to fabricate inflatable construction vehicles. (The allies built dummy tanks  during World War II to fool the Germans.) Similarly, the RRC then leaves their dummy construction trucks at their unworked sites. An inflatable steamroller would cost ever so much less than a real one and it looks real to the bored drivers crawling past them for fourteenth month. The RRC will save a fortune.

This idea is easy, even if getting the RRC to finish a job is not.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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The Ten Commandments of Road Repair

Posted on April 23, 2024 by pauldelancey

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: face of evil, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Classic Quote

Posted on March 16, 2024 by pauldelancey

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did Today

Posted on March 15, 2024 by pauldelancey

Will he like his taco?

Got up, showered, and dressed. It’s important to do this in the right order.

As usual, I did not wake up refreshed. Had a coffee drink.

Went grocery shopping.

Went to exercise class. Getting fit.

Drove home. It was so slow due to huge amounts of traffic and road repair sites that took a major freeway from two lanes to one.

Balanced check book.

Had left overs.

Decided to go back in time to debate philosophy with my man, Plato. However, I speak no ancient Greek and his modern-day English is quite rudimentary. We went to a toga party. Let me tell you, Plato rocks.

We shook hands and went our separate ways. I did give him a taco before I left. That might affect history. I don’t know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Owie Day

Posted on March 11, 2024 by pauldelancey

I had planned to patrol for scouts from Venus. I had been anticipating their imminent arrival. Unfortuately, I had to see a doctor and then do errands. As we all know, the Venusian invaders didn’t land today. Perhaps my sternly worded message, “Now, see here,” scared them off. Perhaps they liked the chocolate chip cookies  I left them in a space bubble so much, that they refrained from attacking. Or maybe, just maybe, they found something more entertaining to do at home. But whatever the reason, they didn’t invade and I, for one, am happy about that.

Meanwhile back on Earth I saw a doctor for the bursitis in my shoulders. One shoulder was so bad that it disturbed my sleep. The shots to help, hurt a fair amount, but only for a short while. I did errands and suffered through backed-up traffic. At one point, there was no remotely reasonable route how that didn’t involve inching past road repair. Does the county coordinate? Are there any road repairs that have more than one worker actually doing anything?

Anyway, I’m exhausted.

Please refrain from invading Venus. I think the crisis has passed.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Art of Mild Insulting – Part 2

Posted on November 1, 2023 by pauldelancey

Art of mild insulting – Part 2

Face it, the people out there are unbridled arguers. Just five seconds of listening transforms you from the president of pleasantness to a hardened spewer of profanities that would make a marine blush

Face it, you’re acting like a bit bull that ate a habanero pepper.  But you know it would be so satisfying to insult them. They are such unrelenting pests after all. You want an handy list of ready-made mild-mannered insults in case you need another such scurvy gadfly.

I’m glad you asked.

PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS

You blanket hog
You germ-ridden sneeze
You spilled milk
You stubbed toe
You nasal trip
You something in my eye
You bean-eating skunk
You butt-dialing cell phone
You static cling
You frizzy hair
You four-minute advertisement break
You junk mail
You robo call
You door-to-door salesman
You road repair
You halitosis
You day at the DMV
You burnt toast
You letter from the IRS
You dripping faucet
You speed bump
You orphan sock
You wilted lettuce
You bread mold
You mislaid car keys
You over ripe avocado
You toilet-paper hoarder
You germ-ridden sneeze

There, you have it. You are now ready for another round of insulting gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: insulting, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tired and Not Feeling Well

Posted on August 9, 2023 by pauldelancey

It took me 90 minutes to get back home. The trip should have taken about 35 minutes, but there was endless traffic james due to omnipresent road repair. There were only four or so ways to get back home and there was road work on each and every one of them. Country road workers really did leave nothing to chance.

I got back so late that I missed half of my eye therapy session. Later  I started feeling unwell, I think from something I ate or maybe it was just stress.

Today was far too peoply out there. I hope I feel better tomorrow. I need to make a special cake.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Sarr

Posted on July 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

Carl La Fong, way back in 1922 complained about the slow service at his DMV. He raised his eyes to the heavens–There was ceiling in the way, but we’ll let that go–and yelled, “This place as slow as road repair.”

But we don’t have a word to describe mind-numbing slowness.

It’s high time to correct this oversight. It derives from the initials of slow “as road repair,” or “sarr.”

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

sarr

 

Awesome entry #22

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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