Jamaican Entree

JAMAICAN SLIDERS

INGREDIENTS – SALSA

1 mango
1 papaya
⅔ red bell pepper, diced (⅓ more later)
⅔ red onion (⅓ more later)
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
2 tablespoons lime juice

INGREDIENTS – BURGER

1 pound ground beef
½ cup bread crumbs
⅓ red onion, diced
⅓ cup sweet-and-sour sauce
⅓ red bell pepper
1 tablespoon Jamaican jerk seasoning
1 egg white

12 lettuce leaves
2 tomatoes
12 mini-hamburger rolls

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

GENERAL PREPARATION

Peel, remove seeds, and dice mango. Peel, core, and dice papaya. Remove stem, seeds, and whitish innards from red bell pepper. Dice red onion. Chop cilantro. Cut tomatoes into 12 slices. Crack open egg. Keep egg white.

(You’re on your own with the egg yolk. You could serve it to someone special for breakfast and say, “Dearest, this is all I could afford for breakfast. The money I would have spent on an entire egg is going toward a Caribbean cruise.”)

PREPARATION – SALSA

Put diced mango, diced papaya, ⅔ of the diced bell pepper, ⅔ of the diced red onion, cilantro and lime juice in mixing bowl. Mix vigorously with fork. This is tasty by itself.

PREPARATION – BURGER

Combine in mixing bowl: ground beef, breadcrumbs, sweet-and-sour sauce, (Avoid bootlegged “sweat-and-sour sauce.”), ⅓ of the diced bell pepper, ⅓ of the diced red onion, Jamaican jerk seasoning, and egg white. Mix with hands. (Wash hands before serving or approaching large dog.)

Make 12 patties to be about the size of your mini-burger rolls. Put patties in electric skillet and heat at 350 degrees. Cook for about 7 minutes on each side or until thoroughly cooked. Be sure to flip them over gently with a spatula. They can crumble.

(You might not be able to resist tasting a patty. But don’t let anyone see you. Because when you say, “It was going to kill you. And the only way to stop a murderous Jamaican slider patty is to eat it,” they will surely scoff.)

ASSEMBLING

Put a lettuce leaf, tomato slice, and a patty on the bottom bun and place 2-to-3 tablespoons, about 1/12 of the salsa on the top bun. Put it all together.

Enjoy! But respect this burger. You’ll taste the spices after the second bite. Serve with a nice, cooling drink.

TIDBITS

1) Some Jamaicans believe an evil spirit known as “Rolling Calf” haunts people at night. They look like cows, have eyes of fire, and are the reincarnated spirits of butchers.

2) So, it’s probably better to be a data-entry person in Jamaica. You’ll stay put in the afterlife.

3) Tofu cooks are also safe. There have been no recorded instances of tofu haunting anywhere in the world.

4) Jamaica has more Olympic medals than Portugal, Taiwan, Saudi Arabia, Iceland, and Kuwait combined.

5) So does the United States.

6) The Vatican City and Monaco have done poorly in these competitions.

7) In fact, I can’t even think of one internationally known pole vaulter from the Vatican.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.