Posts Tagged With: Jules Verne

We’re French and You’re Not – Chapter One – Chardonnay Man – Last Part

Posted on June 4, 2022 by pauldelancey

6 p.m.: We fly over the battlefields of Verdun, where 350,000 of our countrymen died fighting the brutal German invaders. What is this? Jean points out a crowd of German pig-dog tourists. Enraged, we throw bottles, cabbages, and the contents of our chamber pots at them. Ha! Ha! Suddenly, and without warning, our balloon descends. Horrors! I recognize Président Pommefrite and Chancellor Erwtenzup of Germany. They are very filthy and very angry. They shout and shake their fists at us. We also notice French soldiers firing at us. Jean opines that perhaps we should ascend quickly. Stirred to action, I increase the flame. Our balloon fills with hot air and we leave them far below. Jean and I are so upset by the whole incident that we delay dinner by a full hour.

14 November, 10 a.m.: We find ourselves over the town of Amiens. Jean informs me that Jules Verne used to be its mayor. He astounds me with the information that he had been reading Verne lately. So, that’s what he has been doing with his afternoons. I thought he was cheating on his mistress.

Noon: We reach the town of Calais on the English Channel. We commemorate our successful journey across France with a simple meal of French bread, onion soup, salade Niçoise, and shrimp scampi. We examine the looming channel, but are not frightened.

3 p.m.: A great jolt rouses Jean and me from our naps. What has annoyed us? Oh, our basket has smashed to bits the radar of a French destroyer. “Vive la France!” we amiably cheer. But incredibly, the sailors shout angrily back. Jean suggests that we quickly leave those clods. I once again increase the size of the flame and we climb back into the clouds.

The sailors fire their rifles and the ship’s big guns at us. Boom! But they cannot see us as we are hiding in the clouds and have broken their radar dish. We shout our apologies to our countrymen and fellow adventurers. We toss down cases of caviar and our best champagne to make up for our faux pas. However, this noble gesture does not appease them. Strange to say, they are becoming even angrier. The lack of manners in our navy appalls Jean and me.

6 p.m.: We are over Dover, England. Hurrah! The great race is coming to an end. We see a great crowd below us. It cheers us wildly, so ours must be the first balloon. The throng includes the Queen and most of the Royal family. We also notice an enormous number of police and soldiers. No doubt, they are there to protect us from our enthusiastic admirers.

Jean and I drink several toasts to England, to the Queen, and to a successful race. I stand up and stagger towards the lever to lower the flame. However, I trip on Jean and fall with all my weight on the lever. Instead of lowering the flame, I shut it off completely. We fall precipitously and hit the ground with a squish.

We dust ourselves off and march proudly towards the Queen. For some reason she appears to be upset. However, we attribute her emotion to the passion of the moment. We present her with the first Chardonnay bottle of the season.

But, the Queen, she is not thankful. No, she accuses us of murdering her Corgi. What dog, we ask? “The one under your balloon,” she cries.

Before we think to apologize, ill-mannered British policemen clasp handcuffs on us and lead us away. We hear behind us German and French voices arguing vociferously for the right to arrest us. Their argument appears to be escalating into a brawl. We shrug our shoulders.

* * *

“Bah! Monsieur le reporter, the food here in this jail is horrible! But yes, I have been without Dom Perignon for three days! Why are these stupid English treating me this way? Can it be that they do not care that I won the Chardonnay race?

“Monsieur, tell my friends to hurry and get me out of here. The Tour d’Artichoke starts next week! Sacre bleu!”

****

I hope you enjoyed this chapter from my book. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thank you.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

We’re French and You’re Not, my cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lemongrass Chicken

Posted on December 24, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cambodian Entree

LEMONGRASS CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSLemGrCh-

2 boneless chicken breasts
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon soy sauce (2 more tablespoons)

2 stalks fresh lemongrass (or 2 teaspoons dried or 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest or 1 teaspoon lemon juice.)
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 garlic cloves
1 1/2 teaspoons ginger
1/2 tablespoon onion salt
1 tablespoon lime juice
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons rice vinegar

1 cup rice
2 cups water

PREPARATION

Cut the chicken breasts into strips 1/2-inch wide and 2-inches long. Mince garlic cloves. Cut off the root end of the lemongrass stalk and strip off outside leaves. Mince inside core. (Or use dried lemongrass, or grated lemon zest, or lemon juice. Sometimes fresh lemongrass is as easy to get as Icelandic habañero peppers. Just do your best. I feel your spicing pain.)

Combine honey and soy sauce in mixing bowl. Thoroughly coat the chicken strips in this mixture.

Heat vegetable oil in wok or no-stick frying pan. Add chicken strips, garlic, lemongrass, onion salt, lime juice, soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Cook on medium high until chicken turns white. Stir frequently. Add more soy sauce if too sweet and more honey if not sweet enough.

You really should have a supply of fresh onions around the kitchen. At the time of writing this recipe my onions had gone bad, surly even, and my wife rightfully pointed out I was crazy to think she’d be going to the store when she had the kids’ baseball uniforms to clean. Hence, the onion salt. Life is like that.

Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag.

Serve on lovingly cooked rice. (Your guests will sense the love that went into the rice and the whole dish and gaze upon you with undisguised affection. And if they complain about the freshness of the lemongrass or its absence, send them to Iceland. If you can place them in the path of a lava flow, even better.)

TIDBITS

1) Yes, Iceland has volcanoes.

2) It also produces bananas.

3) Icelandic farmers have burned bananas on at least one occasion to drive up prices.

4) Cambodia produces bananas as well.

5) I first had this dish in Nantes, France, the hometown of the great novelist Jules Verne.

6) Iceland and Cambodia have never gone to war with each other.

7) Probably because they both grow bananas and understand each other on a deep level.

8) Germany and France have been pretty much free of banana plantations. But they fought each other three times from 1870 to 1945. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

9) Bananas were also a favored prop during the heyday of the silent-film era. The world was at peace then. When bananas disappeared from cinema the world went to war.

10) Besides ending war, the banana’s potassium helps boost bone mass.

11) So, write your Congressman and ask him to sponsor banana plantations all across America and indeed the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef Stroganoff

Posted on September 3, 2012 by pauldelancey

Russian Entree

BEEF STROGANOFF

INGREDIENTS

12 ounce bag egg noodles

1 pound sirloin tip
1 small onion
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon mustard powder
3/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons butter total(3/4 tsp. here, 3/4 tsp. later)
1 tablespoon flour

1 1/2 teaspoons butter total(3/4 tsp. here, 3/4 tsp. above)
3/4 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 tablespoon parsley

3/4 cup beef broth
1/4 cup dry white wine
3 tablespoons sour cream
SPECIALTY POWER

heat vision

PREPARATION

Prepare noodles according to directions on package or boil for 7 minutes or until noodles are tender. Drain water from noodles with colander.

Cut sirloin into 1-inch squares. Sprinkle salt, mustard, pepper, and pepper on sirloin squares. Mince onion. Melt 3/4 tablespoon butter in saucepan. Stir in flour, blending constantly until sauce thickens.

Use heat vision superpower, or even burner, to melt 3/4 teaspoon butter in another saucepan. Add olive oil. Add sirloin squares and onion. Use medium-high heat to quickly brown sirloin and onion. Combine sirloin and onions with the above sauce. Cover and cook on low for 10 minutes.

Add beef broth, sour cream, and white wine. Cook on medium-high heat until the entire mixture is hot. Stir constantly. Serve over egg noodles. Yum.

If you are pressed for time, pans, or space, you can instead add all ingredients at once to one pan. You still need to be diligent about stirring. You might want to taste the mixture as you add sour cream since you might prefer to use more or less than is specified here. Also, more cream makes a richer sauce, while less saves calories.

I would like to stress again: cook with what’s handy. Ground beef substitutes for sirloin tip, chicken broth for beef broth and bouillon for broth, and most pasta for egg noodles.

Remember, you are not only a great chef, but an adventurer and explorer as well. Excelsior!

TIDBITS

1) My first attempt at stroganoff came from a recipe which mistakenly substituted tablespoons of salt for teaspoons of the same. Ugh.

2) My favorite author in Middle School was Jules Verne. In addition to penning the famous 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, he also wrote Michael Strogoff.

3) I visited the Jules Verne museum in La Rochelle, France.

4) La Rochelle was once the main seaport for herring canning.

5) I don’t like herring. The rest of my family does. We all like stroganoff.

6) My great-great-great-grandfather, Napoleon, invaded Russia in 1812. He lost. Three years later, nearly all the European powers sent him packing to Saint Helena where he died on my birthday.

7) I have never invaded Russia or any country for that matter no matter how small. In 1993 I was invited to visit Kiev, in nearby Ukraine, by a man who ran a Christian radio station there.

8) In the 1800s, Russia tried unsuccessfully to wrest control of India from Great Britain.

9) Indians speak Hindi and eat a lot of curry.

11) I attempted to make curry in grad school. Unfortunately my ability to read Hindi was, and still is, remarkably deficient. I believe I used ten to twenty times the correct amount of curry. I am only now conquering my fear of curry.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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