Posts Tagged With: English

Aliens Exist!

They do! They do! Number Two Son (NTS) and I met one at a gas station in Roswell, New Mexico. NTS needed to fill up his Subaru and The Alien needed fuel for his UFO. Communication proved to be difficult as I only can converse in English and in French. NTS knows only English and Spanish, and who knows what tongue the outer spacer uses?

Things remained awkward until I broke out the chocolate-chip cookies. Tension rapidly dissolved as all carbon-based life forms love that cookie. Anyway, good will soon prevailed to such an extent that we all posed for a selfie. I’m so happy the know that if we ever become able to travel deep into space that the new civilizations will look favorably on our arrival. I am so proud. I forsee a Nobel Peace Prize in my future.

And now, the picture with The Alien.

Proof you cannot deny

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, Nobel Prize, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Air Fryer French Fries

American Appetizer

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AIR FRYER FRENCH FRIES

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INGREDIENTS
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¾ pound russet potato
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon duck fat or olive oil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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french-fry cutter
spray bottle
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use french-fry cutter to cut potato into strips. Put french-fry strips into mixing bowl. Add french-fry strips,  pepper, and salt. Toss strips until well coated. Toss strips, spraying fries with duck fat as you do so. (You might need to melt duck fat into oil before putting it into a spray bottle.)
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Add coated strips to air-fryer basket. Arrange them in a single layer, if possible. Try not to overlap. (You might need to cook in batches. Set temperature to 380 degrees. Set timer to 10 minutes. Shake air-fryer basket. Again set timer to 10 minutes or until fries turn golden brown and become crisp. Sprinkle with extra pepper and salt as needed.
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TIDBITS
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1) Potatoes figure prominently in so many tasty dishes.
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2) What are they? French fries comes to mind. So does shepherd’s pie.
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3) They also make tolerable, if short-lived, baseballs. “Hitting a tater” is a metaphor for hitting. Indeed, culinary historians point to a game in 1913 between Biloxi Shrimp and the Selma Grits where the teams used 423 taters to complete the game. An impromptu mashed potato festival followed the contest.. Be sure to visit Selma on May 5 for its annual Potato Revelry.
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4) It’s little known that the English army used potatoes during its siege of La Mouche in 1387. The English trebuchets flung ton after ton into the starving town. Unfortunately for the besiegers, the highly nutritious potatoes enabled the villagers to stave off famine. The English then hurled potatoes at the town walls. Nothing. The English lifted the siege. The townsfolk rejoiced, but to this very day, no one there will ever dine on a potato. “Ouf.”
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5) Potatoes also make great paperweights and subjects for still-life paintings. Potatoes also prove essential to filling a sack of potatoes with potatoes. Who knew?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word – Noootice

How many times has this happened to you? You spent hours alphabetizing the spices and herbs. And you poured this ingredients into smaller, smarter looking containers. Perhaps you balanced the checkbook. Maybe you weeded that bit of land to the side of the house, where no one can see it. Will people appreciate it?

No. No one noticed and no one will notice.

We need a  word for this feeling of having your achievement being totally overlooked.

And the portmanteau from the words: NO One will nOtice yields

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Noootice

 

Awesome entry #55

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Strawberry Bundt Cake

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CAKE
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1 pound fresh strawberries (1 ounce more later)
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoons baking soda
3¼ cups flour
¾ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup butter, softened (2½ tablespoons more later)
3 eggs
1½ cups sugar
½ tablespoon vanilla extract (½ teaspoon more later)
⅔ cup vegetable oil
1 cup whole milk (2½ tablespoons more later)
2 drops red food coloring gel
no-stick baking spray
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INGREDIENTS – GLAZE
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1½ ounces fresh strawberries
2½ tablespoons butter, softened
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2½ tablespoons whole milk
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric blender
electric beater
10″ bundt pan
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours.
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PREPARATION – CAKE
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add 1 pound strawberries to electric blender. Puree strawberries. Add baking powder, baking soda, flour, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add  ⅔ cup butter, eggs, sugar, ½ tablespoon vanilla extract, vegetable oil, and 1 cup whole milk to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add pureed strawberries and red food coloring gel. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Gradually add in the dry mix from the small bowl into the liquid mix of the large bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until just combined into batter.
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Generously spray bundt pan with no-stick baking spray Pour batter into bundt pan. Level batter with spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Use butter knife to loosen cake from the bundt pan Let cake cool for 15 minutes. Invert cake onto plate. Let cool completely before icing.
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PREPARATION – GLAZE
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Add 1½ ounces fresh strawberries to blender. Puree strawberries..Add pureed strawberries, 2½ tablespoons butter, confectioners’ sugar, and ½ teaspoon vanilla extract to medium mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until well blended. .
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Gradually add 2½ tablespoons whole milk or until glaze thickens and is just pourable. Pour glaze evenly over the cooled cake. Allow glaze to drip down the size. Let set for 5 minutes before serving.
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TIDBITS
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1) Strawberries were known as wartsberries in France in from 1178 to 1347.
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2) All Medieval peasants suffered greatly from warts.
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3) Their wart-free neighbors shunned them. “Ew,” said the nearby farmers.
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4) Downcast, dispirited, and depressed, the wart-ridden peasants joined the King’s army in hopes of campaigning abroad.
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5) What luck!. The Hundred Years War erupted, started even, in France in 1347.. Off went the English to France.  Archer Jack Strawberry wasn’t even on French soil for six minutes when he stumbled, falling face first into a wartberry patch.
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6) When he arose and drew himself up to 90 percent of his full height, his archer companions gasped. His warts has completely disappeared. “By St. George’s darned socks, it’s a miracle,” said Elric Sod. And with Elric’s impimatur, the entire English army rolled and rolled into the wartsberry patch. Grateful archers, men at arms, and knight renamed the wartberry to, strawberry in his honor.
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7) I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it happen, but when an army miraculously loses all its warts, it becomes world beaters. “God is clearly on our side,” said Sod. “Who can stand against us.”
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8) And indeed, no French army could stand up to the wartless English.
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9) Then everything changed. In 1428, the Archangel Michael appeared to Joan, a peasant botanist living in the town of Do Re Me. “Joan, take your botanical knowledge to King Charles VIII; as he surely has none.”
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10) So Brainy Joan made her way to the royal court. “Your majesty,” said she. “To defeat the cursed English, you must destroy every strawberry patch in France. Without strawberries, warts will once more sprout like weeds upon the soldiers. Their morale will plummet and your army will vanquish them time after time. Impressed by Joan’s piety and botanical acumen., Charles VIII did what she said. The French would evict the English for good. Brainy Joan would become Saint Joan. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cat Type

How many times has this happened to you? You’re typing up a rather important document. Perhaps it’s to be an instruction manual for a revolutionary space mission for NASA. Perhaps your work will go on the teleprompter for your President’s State of the Union speech. That’s all well and good, for what you wrote is sheer brilliance. Unfortunately, the document that emailed also includes the following enigmatic lines entered by your cat as it walked across your keyboard,

“gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9
fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd”

If this bit gets included in your NASA report, they will most likely ask what sort of a part that is.

If it makes it to the teleprompter for the State of the Union speech, will she spot the mistake and adlib? If she reads these lines as is, will her opposing party come out against, “”gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9 fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd?”

We need a phrase for this event.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cat Type

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Awesome entry #50

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrases: Trash Read and Retrash Read.

How many thousands of times has this happened to you? You take a frozen package out of the freezer. You take the food out of the package. You then throw the packaging into the trash bin. Oops. You haven’t read the instructions, have you?

So, you fish the package out of the trash bin. And you leave it until you’ve followed all the instructions.

We need phrases for both these scenarios.

And now there are:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASES

Trash Read and Retrash Read

Awesome entry #49

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Gravitational Experiment

How many times a day has this happened to you? An apple that was in your hands is now on the floor. Or milk that was all the way to the top of the glass is now spreading on the tablecloth.

The most common explanation for these two events is that you dropped the apple and knocked over the glass of milk. You, are in fact, clumsy.

This reasoning is most unkind. Being called a klutz damages your soul. You get depressed. You’re not even allowed to deal with your grief, your destroyed self esteem, by weeping over the growing puddle of milk. “Don’t cry over spilt milk.” Not only that some former friend will say, “Boy, are you clumsy?” And you are most certainly that. And yet, society denies you the release of sobbing. You find yourself abandoning complete sentences in favor of. Sentence fragments. And we all know sentence fragments are Devil’s gateway to murderous deeds.

However, your downward spiral into gratuitous slaying is isn’t inevitable.

Yay.

We need to change the word clumsiness, even the phrases dropping things and spilling thing. We need an impressive word, scientific words even, to be used instead.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Gravitational Experiment

 

Awesome entry #48

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Cwont

Buying a major appliance, while expensive, can be exciting. You’re tired of washing clothes by hand. You look forward to reading a good book while the washer works its magic. You anticipate hitting the open road with your spiffy new car. The list goes on and on. So do your calls with customer service. You find yourself believing the person on the other end of the phone will be imprisoned if you’re helped. But this experience pales in comparison to the soul-sucking horror of trying to get service at the place where you made your major purchase, a dealership for example. You go round and round with the service people. At every turn, you discover they can’t fix your car. And if they can fix your vehicle, you find out that they won’t.

If only there were a word to describe this implaccable lack of help. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cwont

Awesome entry #46

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: definition, Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cookie Health Care

Surgeries are scary. And taking pills can be just as intimidating. Sure, you might start with one, but before you know it you’ll need a backhoe to lift your daily pills into your mouth. You can wait in a doctor’s office for up to an hour to hear his five-minute opinion. Moreover, all these paths to better health can be expensive, And do health-care avenues ever make you happy?

No.

But what makes us feel better? And is inexpensive?

Cookies.

Cookies make you feel better. We love people who give us gifts. When have we even felt love when wheeled into the surgery room? When given pills?

Never.

But cookies make us feel better. Cookies let us know people care about how we feel. Cookies improve our outlook and so, our mental health.

If only there were a  phrase to describe this great cure. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cookie Health Care

Awesome entry #45

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Madmad

How many times has this happened to you? You can’t stand your job. Your spouse ran off with a tomato trader. There’s nothing on TV once you get home.  Or perhaps, just perhaps, you feel a vague unease that life has passed you by and that you’ve checked off none of the items on your bucket list.

Then the pressure that’s building for years overwhelms your equilibrium. You say, “Screw it. I’m moving to Madagascar. Today. I am.” And you do.

If only there were a word to describe this process.

And now we have.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

MADMAD

Awesome entry #43

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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