Posts Tagged With: Earth

Honey Lavender Goat’s Milk Soap

Posted on January 13, 2024 by pauldelancey

HONEY LAVENDER GOAT’S MILK SOAP

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon lavender buds

1 teaspoon gold mica powder

2 tablespoons isopropyl alcohol

2 pounds goat’s milk soap base

1 teaspoon lavender essential oil

2 tablespoons honey

isopropyl alcohol

SPECIAL UTENSILS

soap molding

spray bottle

Makes 10½ bars. 1″ wide. Takes 3½ hours.

PREPARATION

Add lavender buds to spice grinder. Grind until the bud bits are small as possible.. Add gold mica and 2 tablespoons isopropyl alcohol to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.

Cut goat’s milk base into 1″ cubes. Add goat’s milk base to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in 30 second intervals. Stir after every time. Add gold mica powder/isopropyl mix and lavender essential oil. Stir with knife until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes. (This inhibits lavender bits and honey from settling to the bottom of the soap mold.) Add lavender bits and honey. Mix with knife until well blended.

Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol. Pour melted soap into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.

TIDBITS

1) Earth has gravity. The gravity of anything on Earth’s surface is defined to be one bar. The gravity of one soap bar is one bar. They’re the same! The same, I tell you! Let’s see if the reverse is true. Does one bar weigh one bar? It does! It does!

2) Oh my gosh, gravity comes from soap bars. Without soap’s gravitational field, nothing on Earth would stay on Earth. All of humanity and all our remote controls would eventually float off into space. Without our remote controls, how would we watch our favorite television programs?

3) So, scatter as many soap bars as you can around your home and for pity’s sake, keep a firm grip on your Honey Lavender Goat’s Milk soap whenever you shower. Your future depends on it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: soap | Tags: Comic Chef, Earth, essential oil, goat's milk, gravitional field, gravity, honey, humanity, lavender, mica powder, one bar, Paul R. De Lancey, remote controls, shower, soap base | Leave a comment

My Day

Posted on January 3, 2024 by pauldelancey

My local library is smaller than this

Sometimes time gets away from me. I almost forgot to post!

Yesterday, I found out how difficult it was to find, buy, and take home a latch hook.

This morning, I discovered how hard it was to find where I put my latch hook.

I looked for hours for it, but to no avail.

I looked on line on Amazon, etc. and found nothing that could get to me in time.

While doing this, I dealt with a hacking or virus attack. This is why I wasn’t on the streets fighting crime.

Okay, I stopped a bank robbery, but that was only for a few minutes.

Hoorah! I found the latch hook. It was in the back of the car, in a flexible cooler with two ice packs.

Had lunch.

Went to a library arts-and-crafst get together. I learned to use my latch hook. I did! I did! I’m going to make a latch-hook rug of Charlie Brown.(tm)

I drove home in a horrible rain storm. Whew.

Made meatloaf for dinner.

Watched Seinfeld and two mysteries.

Checked to see if the Earth is still rotating in the right direction. It is.

Writing this blog and will go to sleep soon.

Good night.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: what I did | Tags: apocalyptic, bank, Charlie Brown, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, Earth, latch hook, library, Lutheran, meatloaf, my day, rain storm, sleep, storm | Leave a comment

What I Did the Day After Yesterday

Posted on December 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head.2) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) But didn’t go out. It’s too peoply out there.

5) Went over finances.

6) Spent hours failing to deal with an email issue arising from a misbegotten union between Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm).

7) Cussed a lot. Verizon, can you hear me know.

8) Worked on a family Christmas picture.

9) Wrote letters to our six sponsored children abroad. Sent them Christmas gifts.

10) Took a long relaxing fizzy bath. I’m really clean.

11) Read from the highly enjoyable bath book, Mary’s Land.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.”

13) Noticed that the Earth was upside down.

14) Turn it rightside up again.

15) Reasoned that my hypothesis in 14) was faulty. It was only perceived to be upside down. Many would have thought it was rightside up in the first place.

16) Thought it best to return things to their original state, by turning it downside up. Sorry, if I made you dizzy. Let this be a lesson in humility for me. On the plus side, people in both hemispheres got to see constellations they never would have otherwise.

17) Made sausages and beans for dinner.

Behave yourselves.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: what I did | Tags: children, Christmas, cleanliness, Comic Chef, constellations, cookbook, dinner, Earth, finances, supermarket, thriller, virtue, Western civilization, what I did | 1 Comment

What I Did Today

Posted on December 15, 2023 by pauldelancey

Sewing the Earth back together, one spool at a time

1) Woke up.

2) Got up. The streak continues

3) Worked on finances.

4) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

5) Got dressed. Wore dress casual again.

6) Drove to my massage therapist. Emerged feeling better.

7) Did errands with a friend.

8) Bought food, including a ham for Christmas.

9) Drove home.

10) Ruthlessly extirminated errors in a financial spreadsheet.

11) Made taquitos for the natives.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.

13) Noticed that the Earth was coming apart.

14) Double stitched the Earth back together. It’s safe now. By the way, my grandmother was a professional seamstress.

15) Contemplated the infinite. It’s relaxing. You should try it.

Behave yourselves.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: what I did | Tags: cleanliness, Comic Chef, cookbook, Earth, finances, ham, massage therapist, natives, seamstress, supermarket, taquitos, thriller, virtue, Western civilization, what I did | 1 Comment

Sure Fire Hack to a Flatter Stomach

Posted on November 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

Face it, society puts a lot of pressure on us to look thin. Many of us are overweight, including me. How do we get thinner? By exercising and dieting.

But those options are hard, take a lot of time to see results, and frankly, not fun at all. If only there were a way to become thinner without any effort at all.

Now, there is such a way.

We only have to face the correct way from the moon and our stomachs will flatten.

IT’S THAT EASY!!!!!!!!

You may skip the following scientific explanation if you’re absolutely gung ho to go outside* and flatten your stomach

* * = You don’t even have to do this to thin your stomach. The moon’s gravitational field works everywhere you go. IT’S AMAZING!!

Anyway, the moon’s gravitational pull produces a tidal force. This force makes Earth’s oceans bulge out on the sides closest and farthest to the moon. These ocean bulges are high tides. (You learn something every day.) Basically, the moon makes the Earth get fatter.

Science

So, how does this help our big bellies?

Face away FROM the moon* at night

AND

Face in the SAME direction as the moon in the day time.

IT’S THAT SIMPLE!!!!!!!!!!

Do this all the time and people will be throwing themselves at your magnificent body, you Greek god/goddess you.

* = Admittedly, the moon is often easier to see at night.

And look!!! The man on the left is facing the incorrect way. The SAME man on the right, however, is facing the correct way.

See?

PROOF YOU CANNOT DENY!!!!!

WATCH THE MOON AND GET THIN!!!!!!!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: proof you cannot deny, science, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: dieting, Earth, exercising, fat, flatter, flatter stomach, God, goddess, gravitational, Greek, Moon, oceans, overweight, society, stomach, tidal force | 1 Comment

What Does the Flat Earth Look Like?

Posted on July 9, 2023 by pauldelancey

Flat Earthers walk among us. They claim, of course, that the Earth is flat. But what sort of flat shape do they assert our planet to be? Is it a rectangular disc? A oval one? Or even a flat doughnut with a hole in the middle? Do we eat doughnts to symbolically eat our home? This discussion is important if we don’t walk off the Earth’s edges? I do hope Earth isn’t a flat doughnut. We might fall into our planet’s doughnut hole! We’d drop forever!

Anyway, here are three leading theories for the Earth disc.

rectangle oval doughnut

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: apocalyptic, Comic Chef, cookbook, disc, doughnut, Earth, flat Earthers, hunks, Lutheran, murders, Paul De Lancey, planet, recipes | Leave a comment

Behave Yourselves

Posted on June 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

Avoid this

I’ve been busy all day: making soap, balancing the checking account, reading, checking up on friends, and cooking up a storm. Time to relax.

So this blog is short. Behave yourself while I gone. Don’t push the Earth out of its orbit and send it spiralling into the Son.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: lifestyle | Tags: checkbook, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, cooking, Earth, good food, Lutheran, reading, recipes, relax, Sun | Leave a comment

Club Hell

Posted on June 8, 2023 by pauldelancey

Ancient Greek Hell (Hades) was a paler, grayer version of life on Earth. Everything was less substantial. Whereas on Earth, you could bench press 600 pounds, you’d be hard pressed to pick up a package from Amazon(tm). And my, its sky was perpetually overcast and gray, like a winter in Wisconsin or the Netherlands.

You wouldn’t like the Christian Hell of the Middle Ages either. Sure you felt much more energetic, but that was only so you acutely feel your skin bubbling from Hell’s intense fires.

So, both places suck.

But what if? What if you could merge the Greek hell with that Medieval hell? The temperatures would even out to a nice temperate temperature of say, 74 degrees. All the time. The Greek gray would be cancelled by the Hellish red of Middle Europe. This would certainly result in blue skies. It would. It would. You’d have Hell’s energy allied with Hades’ buff bods. What could be better than having a magnificent body on a lush, tropical island?

Club Hell(tm), people are dying to go there.