Posts Tagged With: calculus

The Existential Threat That is Mathematics

Mathematics starts easier, gets evers harder, and turns deadly at the end. (You can skip the middle parts, but it’s worth a rapid scan to see the general trend)

 

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

2 + 2 = 4

Still alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

DIFFICULT ARITHMETIC

3,513, 692 / 1372 = 2,561

EASY ALGEBRA (We transition from just numbers to numbers and letters from the alphabet)

a * (b+c) = a * b + a*c.   Example, 3*(4+5) = 3*4 +3*5 = 12 +15 = 27

 

(YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP TO THE HEADING “DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”)

 

DIFFICULT ALGEBRA (This might be mind numbing)

ax^2 + bx + c = d, where x^2 means x is squared

Example: x^2 + 5x +6 = 0

by the quadratic equation: x = -b +/- (b^2 – 4ac)^2 / 2a

so x = (- 5 +/-(5^2 – 4*1*6)^.5 ) / 2*1 = -(5 =/- (25-4*1*6)^.5) / (2*1 = -5 +- (25-24)^.5) / 2 =( -5 +/- (1)^.5) )/ 2

=( -5 +/-(1)^2) / 2  = (-5 +/- 1) / 2 = (-5+1)/2 AND (-5-1)/ 2 OR X = -2 and X = – 3

EASY CALCULUS (We transition from just numbers and letters from the alphabet by adding letters from the Greek alphabet)

∂(3x^2 + 4x + c) = 2*3*x + 4 + 0 = 6x+ 4

DIFFICULT CALCULUS (Years ago, I could do the following, but no longer.)

A second-order differential equation is linear if it can be written in the form

a2(x)y”+a)1(x)y’+a0(x)y=r(x),(17.1.1)
where a2(x),a1(x),a0(x),
and r(x)
are real-valued functions and a2(x)
is not identically zero. If r(x)=0
—in other words, if r(x)=0
for every value of x
—the equation is said to be a homogeneous linear equation. If r(x)?0
for some value of x,
the equation is said to be a nonhomogeneous linear equation.

Not easy peasy.

“DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”

If quest for ever more challenging mathemetics leads to this level of difficulty,

YOU WILL DIE

Some 200 bright young mind have tried to comprehend the next level of math. Their brains all literally exploded.

A Carl La Fong, Ph.D., University of Wisconsin, 1986, suspected this next level involved adding Hindi letters, but he went permanently insane before pursuing his research for any length.

Let this be a cautionary tale for you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: danger, Deep Thinker, explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Haiku Monday

Where are my glasses?
I cannot see without them.
Oh, where did they go?

Tacos, oh tacos,
You’re the world’s tastiest food
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Zombies, oh zombies,
You are ever so scary,
Just less than live folks

Do zombies need to
practice social distancing?
I dont want them close.

My glasses are lost.
Can’t see approaching zombies.
I am so, so doomed.

Science is helpful.
I often use my landline
to find my cell phone.

Laundry, oh laundry,
In apocalyptic times,
Will you still pile up?

See the butterfly.
Does it know its algebra?
Does it have a need?

Knowing calculus,
Does it help you get a date?
Or is it just looks?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

John Wallis and Infinity

Sure, Greek philosophers, and other smarty pants after them, talked up a storm now and then about the concept of infinity. But none of it wrote down a symbol for it. So they all got forgotten, except for Socrates. And as we all know, Socrates was forced to take hemlock for not coming up with a symbol for infinity. The ancient Athenians took their proto-calculus discussions seriously.

One day, British mathematician and doughnut lover, John Wallis, was sitting at his table looking at two alluring pink doughnuts. His next door neighbor, Carl La Fong sat across from John gazing longingly at the pink delights. The great British painter, John Hoskins, happened to be there. This is his painting, “Two Pink Doughnuts.” It hangs in the Tate Museum in London, England.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“May I have one of your pink doughnuts?” asked La Fong.

“No, you may not,” said Wallis, “I love pink doughnuts beyond all measure.”

“Would you, could you, give me one pink doughnut if you had three?” asked La Fong.

“No, I would not. I would eat all three. I would eat them just with me.”

“Would you, could you, give me one pink doughnut if you had four?”

Wallis shook is head. “No, I would not. I would eat all four. I would eat them by the door.”

“Would you, could you, give me one pink doughnut, if you had an infinite number of pink doughnuts?”

“No, I would not. I would eat an infinite number of doughnuts.” Wallis scratched his head. “Say, what would the symbol for infinity look like?”

“Like this, you greedy man.” La Fong squished the two doughnuts.

And, lo and behold, John Hoskins painted the squished doughnuts. The wildly popular painting is on display at the British Science Museum in London. It’s called, “Infinity.” Here it is:

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so due to Wallis, La Fong, and Hoskins, we now have the symbol for infinity. Sir Isaac Newton used it to develop calculus. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, proof you cannot deny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Artist Funny #3, Calculus

BadArtist3

Well now you know. It’s not entirely easy.

– Paul the Mathematician

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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