Posts Tagged With: ass

Misheard Lyrics of Selena Gomez

The superb  Selena Gomez had a big hit with great song “Good for you.”
The true lyrics include:

“I’m on my 14 carats
I’m 14 carat
Doing it up like Midas,”

I, however, heard:

“I’m on my farting carrots
I’m farting carrot
Doing it up, like my ass.”

Ms. Gomez certainly seemed to be rather earthy. She also showed herself to be rather proud of her stupendous, carrot-spawned, public farts.

Okay. Then given the exciting, alternative lyrics, the rest of the song seem to continue this rather curious vein. Oh well, each to her own taste.

But hey, I’m not too proud to admit I misheard the lyrics. Can you tell I use subtitles when I watch TV?

Misheard lyrics #15

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Great Misheard Moment in History

Since 1562 French Catholics and Protestant Hugenots had been fighting a series of bloody wars, called “The French Wars of Religion.”

In 1589, Henry IV had became the legal heir to the French throne, after King Henry III was assassinated by a fanatical Catholic monk.

Henry IV was a Huguenot. And, although most of the country accepted him as King, many Catholics, especially those in the essential city of Paris, refused to recognize his authority

Henry solved the political and religious impasse by converting to Catholicism and by this act was allowed to enter Pairs. Legend has it that he told a friend “Paris vaut une messe.” (“Paris is worth a mass.”)

I was taking notes in college on this event. I wrote down, “Paris is worth an ass.” I friend of mine saw my notes and laughed and laughed and laughed. For I had changed the story’s meaning somewhat.

But I stand by what I had honestly heard, Paris really is worth an ass.

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Fun Festivals – Ant Nest Sitting

Finland hosts Ant Nest Sitting Competitions. Athletes–whom am I kidding?–sit on an ant hill for as long as they can stand the ant bites. This competition is held all over the country during the summer months. It truly helps to have a high threshold for pain or an ass harder than bronze. Okay, I find this competition to be weird, but there are those who love it.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem About Regret

Regret*

Said the mother penguin to her chick,
“Bring your furry ass over here
I need to regurgitate
and make room for beer.”

“No, mom, no I want a pizza
A pizza eater I shall be.”

“No, son you’re a penguin.
A fish eater you’ll be.”

“You’ll be neither,” said the fishermen
as he harpooned them both.
“I’ll mince you and can you
For Penguins of the sea.”

“Bummer,” said the expiring penguins.

* – Best Poem at the Southern California Writers’ Conference – 2009. First such award in a decade

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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