history

Oklahoma Venison Burger

American Entree

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OKLAHOMA VENISON BURGER

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 onion
1 pound ground venison or ground beef
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
4 hamburger buns
1 ½tablespoon vegetable oil
4 slices American or cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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mandoline
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Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use mandoline to cut onion into slices 1/16″ thick. Add venison, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Divide venison into 4 balls..
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Add venison balls to flat surface. Top venison balls with equal amounts of onion slices. Use large spatula to smash venison balls into patties ¼” thick. (Make sure the onion slices are totally smashed into the patty.)
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Add vegetable oil to pan. Use spatula to add as many flattened patties to pan ast will fit without touching. (You might to cook in batches.) Cook patties at medium heat for 4 minutes or until the bottom of the patties brown and the edges start to crisp.
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Use large spatula to carefully turn over patties. Cook for another 3 minutes or until onion bits turn golden brown, or caramelize, and patties reach desired level of doneness. Top patties with a cheese slice. Cook for 1 minute more or until cheese melts. While venison patties cook, toast buns. Assemble burger with your favorite toppings and dig in. Yum.
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TIDBITS
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1) Smashing onion into burgers during the Great Depression was a way to stretch expensive beef. This idea is credited by culinary historians for lifting America of the Great Depression.
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2) On the other hand, their cousins, the culinary physicists, are using particle accelerators to test the properties of Oklahoma Venison Burgers, OVB, under extreme conditions. What do they hope to find? They’re not saying. We should worry.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Banane Celeste

Martinican Dessert

(From Martinique)

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BANANE CELESTE

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INGREDIENTS
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1 pound cream cheese (½ pound more later)
3 tablespoons butter
6 ripe bananas
¼ cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon (¼ teaspoon more later)
½ pound cream cheese
¼ cup heavy cream
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ *8″ baking dish
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Serves 6. Takes 50 minutes plus at least 2 hours 30 minutes to set.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Let cream cheese and butter soften. Peel bananas and cut them in half along their lengths.
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Add cream cheese, brown sugar, and ½ teaspoon cinnamon to large mixing bowl. Use fork or blender on lowest setting until cream cheese/brown sugar mixture is light and fluffy.
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Light and fluffy sounds so peaceful doesn’t it? Next time you’re at a peace conference say, “Light and fluffy” to the warring sides and see if the mood of the room doesn’t improve dramatically.
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Meanwhile back at the stove, use medium heat to melt the butter in a pan. Add 6 banana halves to pan. Sauté bananas on medium heat for 5 minutes or until they turn light brown on both sides. Turn bananas carefully over once with spatula to ensure even browning. Repeat for second batch of 6 banana halves.
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Evenly arrange 6 banana halves in bottom of baking dish. Spoon cream cheese/brown sugar mixture evenly over bananas. Place 6 more banana halves on top of the cream cheese. Spoon ½ pound cream cheese atop the second banana layer.
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Smooth heavy cream over the second layer of cream cheese. Sprinkle ¼ teaspoon cinnamon over heavy cream.
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Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until cream-cheese sauce is bubbly and golden brown. Let cool on wire rack for 30 minutes. Put in refrigerator at least 2 hours or until it sets.
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TIDBITS
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1) Josephine Bonaparte, wife of the Emperor Napoleon, was born in Martinique in 1763 with the name of Marie Josèphe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie. This name was way too long so most people just called her “Ma.” Josephine possessed a lively sense of humor.
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2) People loved her jokes. She had them in stitches. Agents from Vau de Ville frequently came to her mansion to sign her up for large engagements but she always demurred, saying she was but a simple banana plantation monopolist.
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3) Still the island’s elite kept coming to her comedy soirées to hear her jokes. They never wanted to leave even when she got tired and wanted to retire. They’d say, “Yo, Ma, Ma, tell us another joke.”
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4) Her funnies became known as “Ma Ma jests,” then “Mama jests,” and finally by 1779 as “Yo, Mama jokes.”
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5) In 1779, Ma Pagerie married the owner of the Folies Bergère, Monsieur de Beauharnais, and moved to Paris.
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6) Nothing much of note happened in the lives of the de Beauharnaises until monsieur ended their marriage by getting guillotined in 1794. Saved the unpleasantness of a bitter divorce, Ma commenced a series of mirthful affairs with the handsome leaders of the French Revolution.
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7) In 1796 she attracted the eye of a young artillery officer named Napoleon Bonaparte. “She made me laugh,” said Napoleon before his death.
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8) Napoleon suffered from chronic depression and often stayed in bed neglecting to fight the smallest battle until Ma bucked him up with one of the world’s first chicken-crossing the road jokes. “Pourquoi le poulet a traversé la rue? Pour obtenir à l’autre côté.”
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9) Ma’s merriment gave Napoleon the energy to follow his dream. In 1799, he and two other hombres overthrew the constitutional government. In 1804, he reached the top of the government ladder when he made himself emperor.
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10) Life was good for France with Napoleon conquering one country after another. People no longer had to get visas to visit the Italian Riviera. Napoleon had made it part of France. What a guy!
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11) But things went sour in 1810. Napoleon wanted an heir for his Empire. Ma, although always able to conceive a knee-slapping joke without a moment’s notice, could not do the same with a child. So Napoleon divorced her and married Marie Louise of Austria.
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12) Marie Louise lived in a permanent humor-free zone. She never made Napoleon laugh, not once. Napoleon grew moody, his judgment became impaired. In 1812, he invaded Russia, a disaster. By 1814, his enemies camped at the French border. They offered Napoleon a peace treaty, but without Ma’s jokes to relieve the tension caused by his tactless outbursts, negotiations went downhill.
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13) Napoleon was forever defeated in 1815 and exiled to St. Helena. It would decades before vaudeville revived.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Ketchup

American Appetizer

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KETCHUP

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INGREDIENTS
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3 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 teaspoons tomato paste
1 28 ounce-can peeled tomatoes, whole or diced
5 tablespoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons white vinegar
¼ teaspoon allspice
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor or electric blender
4-cup Mason jar
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Makes 3 cups. Takes 30 minutes
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic and onion. Add onion and olive oil to large pot or Dutch oven. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add garlic. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add tomato paste. Cook for 2 minutes at medium heat or until it turns to burnt orange.
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Add remaining ingredients. Cook at medium-high heat until it starts to boil. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 40 minutes it thickens.. Stir enough to prevent burning.
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Transfer liquid from pot to food processor or electric blender. Puree liquid until it reaches your desired thickness. Let cool to room temperature. Add ketchup to Mason jar. Should keep in refrigerator for up to 1 month.
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TIDBITS
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1) According to Quite Possibly True Almanac, 2019:
The largest outdoor skating rink made from frozen ketchup is in Pois, Quebec.
Michaelangelo used ketchup instead of red pigment when painting his masterpieces.
The largest ketchup lake formed in Pumice, Kentucky when a tidal wave of hot ketchup from a bottling factory filled an abandoned strip mine.
­In 2013, NASA quietly sent out a cylinder filled with 21,200 tons of ketchup as a goodwill gesture to any civilizations existing outside our Solar System, because who doesn’t like ketchup?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Goat Kebabs

Middle Eastern Entree

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GOAT KEBABS

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 yellow or white onion
2 green onions
1 pound ground goat
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sumac powder
¼ teaspoon turmeric
1 tablespoon melted butter
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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fine mesh colander
6 thin metal skewers
outdoor grill
no-stick grill spray
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Serves 2. Takes 1 hour to prepare plus 4 hours to marinate.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic and yellow onion. Put minced garlic and yellow onion in fine-mesh colander. Press down until no juice drips through the mesh. Dice green onions. Add all ingredients except butter to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until thoroughly blended. Cover and marinate in refrigerator overnight or for at least 4 hours.
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Divide marinated goat into 6 equal portions. Form goat portions into sausage shapes around skewers. (As you do so, dip yours hand into ice water. This makes the meat easier to work with and helps keep it on the skewers.) This are your goat kebabs.
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Lightly spray grill with no-stick grill spray. Pre-heat to medium-high. Grill for 5 minutes or until they are firm enough to turn over. Turn kebabs and grill for 4 more minutes. Remove kebabs from grill and brush with butter. Goes well with rice, grilled vegetables, flatbread, and yogurt drink.
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TIDBITS
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1) Prison waiters once allowed visitors to bring Goat Kebabs. After all, who doesn’t crave this tasty dish? But soon, desperate escape attempts occurred as guests used the skewers to attack waiters. Skewer duels broke out as waiters fought back. The waiters barely prevailed.  And after the Great Kebab Riots, prisons banned Goat Kebabs. Waiters and guests were renamed guards and prisoners. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Adobaba Tacos

Mexican Entree

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ADOBADA TACOS

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INGREDIENTS – MARINADE
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1 ancho chile
4 guajillo chiles
2 pounds pork shoulder
½ teaspoon cumin
2 garlic cloves
½ teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
½ cup orange juice
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2½ tablespoons white vinegar
1 bay leaf
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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⅔ cup fresh cilantro
4 radishes
1 small onion
5 limes
2 tablespoons oil
40 4.5″-corn tortillas or 20 6″-corn tortillas
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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meat slicer (optional)
food processor
sonic obliterator
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Serves 4. Takes 4 hours 50 minutes.
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PREPARATION – MARINADE
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Remove stems and seeds from ancho chile and guajillo chiles. Add ancho chile and guajillo chiles to small mixing bowl. Cover with boiling water and let sit for 15 minutes or until chiles soften. While chiles soften, use meat slicer to cut pork shoulder into strips ¼” thick. Cut strips into mini-strips short enough to fit in the tortillas.
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Add ancho chile, guajillo chiles, cumin, garlic cloves, Mexican oregano, orange juice, pepper, salt, and white vinegar to food processor. Blend until smooth. Add this mixture, pork slices, and bay leaf  to medium mixing bowl. Turn pork slices until they are well coated. Cover and let marinate in refrigerator for at least 3 hours.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Dice cilantro. Use mandoline to cut radishes into slices ¼” thick. Dice onion. Cut each limes into 4 wedges. Add oil and pork mini-strips to 1st large pan. Sauté mini-strips for 5 minutes at medium heat or until mini-pork strips brown.
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Brush both sides of the tortillas using the remaining oil from 1st large pan and 2 tablespoons more. Add  coated tortillas into 2nd large pan. Try to prevent tortillas from overlapping. Sauté at medium heat for 2 minutes or tortillas soften, flipping after 1 minute. You will likely need to sauté in batches. (Or microwave tortillas in microwave for 2 minutes. I won’t tell.)
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Put 2 softened tortillas onto serving plate, one on top of the other. Place pork mini-strips on top tortillas. Garnish with cilantro, radish, and onion. Place a lime wedge to the side. Enjoy. Zap any unappreciative guest.
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TIDBITS
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1) Chefs, whether working at restaurants or at home, live a rough-and-tumble life. They know a customer can go from being perfectly calm to an angry ogre out for blood.
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2) So chefs sometimes carry weapons. The weapon of choice has always been the trusty dual purpose chef’s knife; useful for defending themselves and for cooking.
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3) However, the much awaited sonic obliterator could possibly be available in the near future. You should think about acquiring one.
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4) Then as J. M. Essington of Boot Hill found out, some chefs are partial to guns.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history | Leave a comment

Today’s National Day

Today’s National Day is

Large Tortilla Day

Celebrate Mexican Tortilla Cuisine

I am. With these below bad boys. They’re nearly a foot wide. These big tortillas are going to be, no fated from long ago, to be the wrapping for large burritos.

Come celebrate Large Tortilla Day with me. Your taste buds and stomach will thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Origin of Our Obesity Epidemic

Many people worry about America’s obesity epidemic (AEO) Blame for this health crisis generally falls on processed food and sedentary lifestyles. Culinary historians, however, point to the signing of the Declaration of Independence as the trigger event of the march to obesity. The previously thin founding fathers put on such a lavish, after-signing pot luck that all put on a layer of founding fat. Some of the signers did go on diets to lose their signing blubber. Many of the other great kept piling on the gravy, the turkey dinners and got fatter. Ben Franklin exclaimed later, “I can’t for the life of me lose this founding fat. It’s turned to hard fat.”

During the early 1810s the British made such, unrelenting fun of our tubby politicians that we felt a moral imperative to chastise them in the War of 1812. And so concludes today’s history lesson.

 

 

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: explanations, food, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Çilbir (Turkish Eggs)

Turkish Entree

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ÇILBIR

(Turkish Eggs)

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 cup Greek yogurt or yogurt
¼ cup olive oil
1 tablespoon Aleppo pepper or red pepper flakes
4 eggs
3 tablespoons white vinegar
4 slices bread or flatbreads
1 teaspoon dill (optional)
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Serves 4. Takes 25 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic. Add garlic and yogurt to mixing bowl. Mix using fork or whisk until well blended. Add olive oil to pan. Heat olive oil at medium heat until a tiny bit of Aleppo starts to dance. Add Aleppo pepper. Cook at medium heat for 1 minute or until Aleppo pepper becomes fragrant. Remove from heat.
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Add enough water to pot to poach 4 eggs. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add eggs and white vinegar to pot. Poach eggs for 3 minutes or until the egg whites are cooked through, or until the eggs are done to your liking. While eggs poach, toast bread.
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Add toast to plate. Evenly spread the garlic/yogurt mix on the 4 pieces of toast. Use slotted spoon to transfer a  poached egg to each slice of toast (Let water drain from spoon.) Drizzle Aleppo pepper/oil evenly over the toast slices. Garnish evenly with dill.
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TIDBITS
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1) A horse is a horse, of course, of course. But who ever heard of a talking horse?
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2) “Çilbur!”
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3) Çilbur is Turkish for the name of this dish.
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4) It is also what all Turkish horses say. Turkish don’t neigh, they çilbur.
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5) The first Turk, Adlee Badem, to make this dish was quite pleased with it, and why not? But he didn’t have a name for it? How could he boast of it when it didn’t know what to call it?
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6) As luck would have, the exact moment Badem plated his entree, his horse said, “Çilbur.” “That’s a great name,” thought Adlee. Ever since then, we’ve all called this dish, “Çilbur.” Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Smoked SPAM

American Entree

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SMOKED  SPAM

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INGREDIENTS
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4 12-ounce cans SPAM(tm)
½ cup ham rub or pineapple-ham rub
SPECIAL UTENSILS
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wood chips (hickory, apple, or pecan)
smoker
electric thermometer
baking pan
tin foil
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Serves 4. Takes 3 hours.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat smoker to 220 degrees. Add wood chips to smoker. Make diagonal cuts about ¼” deep on the top of the SPAM blocks. Rub ham rub all over SPAM blocks.
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When temperature of smoker reaches 220 degrees, place SPAM blocks on  grill Put thermometer in the thickest part of a SPAM block. Smoke until SPAM’s internal temperature reaches 160 degrees. This should take about 2 hours 30 minutes, varying greatly depending on your smoker. Let sit for 5 minutes or eat right away. Goes well with macaroni and cheese.
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TIDBITS
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1) Amps is an anagram for SPAM.  “Amplifiers” is slang for amps. Amplifiers were first built in 1803 by the reputedly young, inventor and guitarist, Keith Richards. There were no uses for them until Mr. Richards formed the first rock n’ roll band one year later. His group, The Drifting Pebbles toured the British coasts in 1804. Wow, they were popular! 172,000-estimates vary-showed up for his second concert, held in Bristol. The front-row fans went wild. The music goers seated farther back, not so much. His third and fourth venues drew only dozens.
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2) But Keith adapted. “Why not use my amps to project my music to everyone?” Bristol Stomp, January 30, 1804. His fans returned in droves and by horse and foot. Britain loved him. The amount of trees needed to feed his wood-feed electric power station devastated forests everywhere. Then, disaster struck in 1805. Napoleon again went on the rampage, winning land battles everywhere. Only the Royal Navy prevented his invasion of England. But the Royal Navy needed tons of oak to built its war ships. To satisfy its ravenous need, the navy requisitioned Richards’ wood. No wood, no concerts. To make things worse, the few concerts that still had wood for the amps were fertile hunting grounds for the Royal Navy’s press gangs. When word got out that going to a Drifting Pebbles concert meant be forced into the navy, Richard’s name became mud. His musical career tanked. But happily enough, he became part of The Rolling Stones in 1962. Now, everyone loves him.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ramen Crust Pizza

Fusion Entree

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RAMEN CRUST PIZZA

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INGREDIENTS
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2 packages (6 ounces) ramen noodles
1 egg
¼ cup Parmesan cheese, shredded
¾ teaspoon pizza seasoning
2½ tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
no-stick spray
¾ cup pizza or pasta sauce
¾ cup mozzarella cheese, shredded
12 pepperoni slices
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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10″ no-stick skillet
pizza pan or baking sheet
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Add enough water to cover noodles to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add ramen noodles Continue boiling for 2 minutes or until noodles become flexible, but not completely soft. Drain.
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Add egg, Parmesan cheese, and pizza seasoning to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add ramen noodles. Mix with fork until noodles are completely coated.
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Add olive oil to skillet. Heat olive oil at medium heat until a bit of Parmesan cheese starts to dance in the oil. Add ramen noodles. Parmesan cheese mixture. Use spatula to press down on mixture until it completely covers the skillet. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 2 minutes or until mixture turns into a pizza crust that is golden brown on the bottom. Remove ramen crust from heat.
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Spray pizza pan with no-stick spray. Place ramen crust on pizza pan. Use spatula to spread pizza sauce over ramen crust. Sprinkle mozzarella cheese onto pizza sauce. Top with pepperoni slices. Bake for 20 minutes at 425 degrees or until cheese melts and starts to brown.
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TIDBITS
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1) Long ago, voyages from Europe to Japan took so long that any bread went moldy. Spaghetti endured, though. So, vessels carried spaghetti. But this pasta lasted only to Japan. Unfortunately, Japan only made ramen. So, crews ate ramen all the way back. Meals remained bland until a cook, Guiseppe Verdi, invented Ramen Crust Pizza. Making 1,296 identical meals, however, inspired Cook Verdi to compose The Four Seasons and other stuff instead. This is how we know him.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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