Monthly Archives: December 2023

Rosemary Olive Oil Soap

Posted on December 21, 2023 by pauldelancey

ROSEMARY OLIVE OIL SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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½ teaspoon green mica powder
1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol
⅓ cup fresh rosemary
2 pounds olive oil soap base
1 teaspoon rosemary essential oil
isopropyl alcohol
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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spice grinder
soap mold
spray bottle
soap slicer (optional)
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Makes 10½ bars, 1″ wide. Takes 3 hours 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add rosemary to spice grinder. Grind until the rosemary bits are small as possible. Add green mica powder, and 1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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Cut olive oil base into 1″ cubes. Add olive oil base to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in microwave with timer set at 30 seconds. Stir after every time. Add green mica powder/isopropyl mix and rosemary essential oil. Stir with knife until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes. (This inhibits rosemary bits from settling to the bottom of the soap mold.) Add rosemary bits. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol. Pour melted soap into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) There have been many great Rosemarys in the world. The top of the list are: Rosemary Clooney – singer, Rosemary Harris – movie actress, and Rosemary Wells – children’s author.
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2) The closest we have to an infamous Rosemary is Rose Mary Woods, President Nixon’s secretary, who testified that she’d accidently erased 18.5 minutes of a critical Watergate tape. Note the space between Rose and Mary in her name, so she really isn’t a full-blooded Rosemary. Basically you can count on any Rosemarys you meet to be a rather good egg. Just look for a space in the name. Even so, the world teems with good Rose Marys. Life can be complicated.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did the Day Before Tomorrow

Posted on December 20, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

2) So is getting up. It’s important to get up, especially if you run the mile. As of press time, no one, man or woman, has won the mile race without getting of bed. I have no plans to compete in such a race. But it’s nice to know that if chose to do so, I could run my heart out.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) And I went out! For eye therapy. I  dodged people so adeptly that a Hall of Fame running back would be jealous.

5) Went over finances.

6)   Didn’t fight Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm). Maybe tomorrow. Of sure, I cussed a bit at them in the comfort of my office, but it was mostly perfunctory.

7)  Oh, not to worry, I came back from eye therapy. I walked both ways. Go me.

9) I made rosemary olive oil soap.

10) It didn’t turn out well. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

11)  Got out my spice grinder and ground the heck of the fresh rosemary. Atomized it, really.

12)  Performed multiple experiments on better ways of making Rosemary Olive Oil soap.

12) Made another batch. I’m praying that it will come out right.

13) Chatted briefly with Iceland and Paraguay. They agreed to postone their border dispute until I had more time to mediate. I expect a quick resolution as the two nations do not share a border.

14) Too tired to cook dinner. One of the natives is going out for chicken. Yay.

 

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Dante Abalone’s Inferno

Posted on December 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

We’ve all heard of the nine circles of Hell in Dante’s masterwork, The Inferno. But many of haven’t read it, but want to know what it said without really reading it. I am here to help you. The following is a brief summary of Abalone’s nine levels:

­First Circle: Limbo
The first circle is home of virtuous chefs and bloggers who were never baptized. All in all, a decent place.

Seco­nd Circle: Lust
Reserved for the lustful and adulterous. Dante makes it sound like these are bad things.

Third Circle: Gluttony
If you can’t get a reservation for the second circle, go for this one.

Fourth Circle: Greed
This level of Hell is reserved for the shrinkflaters; those evil souls who raise the cost of living by shrinking the size of their products

Fifth Circle: Aisle Blockers
Dante tells us that people who block supermarket aisles by leaving their shopping cart on one side of the aisle and then stand on the other will suffer horrific torments indeed.

Sixth Circle: Spammers
We all know how horrible these people are. May they suffer longer all-consuming afflictions that last longer than the time we spent deleting their crap, if that is possible.

Seventh Circle: Violence
You ought not to have done that. Mama was right.

Eighth Circle: People who produce, distribute, or sell printers.
Their punishment is to use their printers.

Ninth Circle: Treachery.
Baseball and football owners who persuade a city to tax itself into a stupor, then up and leave for an even more gullible metropolis.

Bottom of Pit: Satan. Boo! Hiss!

Now you know. Walk with pride.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: apocalyptic, face of evil, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Vera the Virus Tells a Joke

Posted on December 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

Vera the Virus #4, 12/18/2023

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Amchoor Chutney

Posted on December 17, 2023 by pauldelancey

Indian Appetizer

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AMCHOOR CHUTNEY

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup jaggery* or dark brown sugar
¼ cup amchoor powder** or tamarind powder or citric acid powder
¼ chili powder
¼ teaspoon ginger powder
¾ teaspoon roasted cumin powder* or cumin powder
1 teaspoon black salt* or salt
½ cup water
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* = Available in Asian supermarkets or on line.
** = Available in Asian supermarkets or on line. Amchoor powder is powdered mango. Mango is a fruit. Fruits are important to chutney. So, please try to find amchoor, or amchur, powder.
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Makes ½ cup. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients but water to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Add this mixture and water to pan. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir constantly. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.
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This chutney goes well with curries, cheese, lamb, and poultry. Amchoor chutney also makes a good sandwich and even is tasty just by itself. It’s quite versatile.
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TIDBITS
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1) On December 31, 2022, Ayansh “Armchair” Chandra became, by far, the richest man in the world with an estimated wealth of $1.3 trillion dollars.  He was immediately deluged with spam mail and calls from sons of Nigerian dictators and penny-stock, dessert-topping speculators.
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2) How did he get to be so rich? Simple, the International Patent and Trademark Board (IPTB) mistakenly awarded him the above sum for violations of his armchair patents and trademark on the word “armchair.” However, late on January 1, the IPTB realized its mistake and cancelled the award. A suitably chastened director, Pieter van Poffertje, commented, “Jeetje, that’s the last time we have such a big New Year’s Eve party.”
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3) To atone for such a serious gaffe, the IPTB decreed for one day to give “Armchair” Chandra all  royalties derived from all amchoor chutneys sold in Antarctica. Of course, the IPTB possesses no enforcement powers there, but Chandra appreciated the thought. And so, everything was settled.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did the Day After Yesterday

Posted on December 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head.2) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) But didn’t go out. It’s too peoply out there.

5) Went over finances.

6)  Spent hours failing to deal with an email issue arising from a misbegotten union between Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm).

7)  Cussed a lot. Verizon, can you hear me know.

8) Worked on a family Christmas picture.

9) Wrote letters to our six sponsored children abroad. Sent them Christmas gifts.

10)  Took a long relaxing fizzy bath. I’m really clean.

11)  Read from the highly enjoyable bath book,  Mary’s Land.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.”

13) Noticed that the Earth was upside down.

14) Turn it rightside up again.

15) Reasoned that my hypothesis in 14) was faulty. It was only perceived to be upside down.  Many would have thought it was rightside up in the first place.

16) Thought it best to return things to their original state, by turning it downside up. Sorry, if I made you dizzy. Let this be a lesson in humility for me. On the plus side, people in both hemispheres got to see constellations they never would have otherwise.

17) Made sausages and beans for dinner.

 

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What I Did Today

Posted on December 15, 2023 by pauldelancey

Sewing the Earth back together, one spool at a time

1) Woke up.

2) Got up.  The streak continues

3) Worked on finances.

4) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

5) Got dressed. Wore dress casual again.

6)  Drove to my massage therapist. Emerged feeling better.

7)  Did errands with a friend.

8) Bought food, including a ham for Christmas.

9) Drove home.

10)  Ruthlessly extirminated errors in a financial spreadsheet.

11)  Made taquitos for the natives.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.

13) Noticed that the Earth was coming apart.

14) Double stitched the Earth back together. It’s safe now. By the way, my grandmother was a professional seamstress.

15) Contemplated the infinite. It’s relaxing. You should try it.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

You Need to See Little Kids Going Back to School

Posted on December 14, 2023 by pauldelancey

You get overwhelmed. You get crabby. You see nothing in the big picture to relieve the gloom in your future.

You need to take a step back. You need to look at the present. You need to look at the little picture.

Specifically, a picture of little kids going back to school.

Ponder their adorable little faces. Seeing these children brightens the future oh so much.

Your heart while not quite soaring like a hawk, flits here and there like a butterfly.

You are no longer in your future. You are in a happy now.

You need to see #35

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Buddha’s Hand Vinaigrette

Posted on December 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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BUDDHA’S HAND VINAIGRETTE

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup olive oil or grapeseed oil
½ tablespoon salt
¼ cup lemon juice
5 tablespoons Buddha’s hand zest *
2 garlic clove
2 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
½ teaspoon thyme
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* = It is quite possible that you’ll need to make your own zest from a Buddha’s hand citron.  Buddha’s hand citron in organic or specialty supermarkets such as SproutsTM.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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zester, if as likely, you bought Buddha’s hand citron
Mason jar
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Makes 1 cup.  Takes 10 minutes or 25 minutes if you need to make your own zest.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to Mason jar. Shake until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Buddha’s Hand is supposed look like the hand of Buddha. Apparently, Buddha had about 16 fingers on a hand. Who knew?
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2) Baseball at one time, also had strange nicknames that referred to parts of the body. The best ones are:
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Bris “The Human Eyeball” Lord. His middle name is Robotham. Really.
Nick “Tomato Face” Cullup
Walt “No Neck” Williams
Wilbur “Raw Meat” Rodgers
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Football had Lou “The Toe” Groza
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The best non-body nickname is “Death to Flying Things” and was applied to Jack Chapman, Bob Ferguson, and Franklin Gutiérrez.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vera the Virus Tells a Joke

Posted on December 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

Vera the Virus #3 12/12/2023

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Vera the Virus | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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