Monthly Archives: June 2023

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Plend

Nearly all of us have, at one time or another, blended ingredients to make smoothies, cakes, stews, or other culinary delights. These beverages, desserts, or entrees turned out quite tasty. But what about the blending process itself? How did that make you feel? There’s simply no word for this concept.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

Plend

Awesome entry #10

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paneer Bhuna Masala

Indian Entree

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PANEER BHUNA MASALA
(This is spicy!)

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INGREDIENTS
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½ pound paneer*
4 onions
4 tomatoes
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
3 green chiles
2 dried red chiles
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
½ teaspoon mustard seeds
2 bay leaves
1″ cinnamon stick
2 cloves
½ tablespoon minced garlic
½ teaspoon minced ginger
1 tablespoon Kashmiri red chili powder**
2 tablespoons ghee or vegetable oil
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon turmeric
½ cup water
2 teaspoons coriander
¾ teaspoon fenugreek leaves
¾ teaspoon garam masala
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* = Can be found at Asian supermarkets or online. Substitute with feta, mozzarella, ricotta, queso blanco, or cottage cheese.
** =  Can be found at Asian supermarkets or online. Substitute with an equal mixture of paprika and cayenne or with ancho chili powder.
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Cut into paneer into ¾” cubes. Mince onions and tomatoes. Dice cilantro and green chiles. Crumble red chiles Add 2 teaspoons vegetable oil, cumin seeds and mustard seeds to medium pan. Sauté at medium-high heat until seeds start to flutter, crackle, and pop. Stir enough to prevent burning. Add bay leaves, cinnamon, cloves, garlic, ginger, Kashmiri red chili, green chile, and red chile. Reduce heat to low. Simmer at low heat for 2 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning. Remove from heat.
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Add 2 tablespoons ghee and onion to large pan. Sauté at medium-high for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato, chili powder, pepper, salt, turmeric, and seeds/garlic /ginger/seed mixture from medium pan to large pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 5 minutes or until liquid thickens into gravy. Stir enough to prevent burning.
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Add paneer cubes and water. Raise heat to medium and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning. Add coriander, fenugreek leaves, and garam masala. Stir until well blended. Remove cinnamon stick and bay leaves.
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Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with naan bread.
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TIDBITS
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1) This vegetarian entree is so tasty.
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2) But it wasn’t originally meant to be vegetarian.
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3) Chef Ishaan Banerjee had planned to feature urban pea hens in his dish, Urban Pea Hen Masala.
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4) Because they have a nutty flavor.
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5) And taste like chickens.
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6) But especially like pea hens.
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7) Pea hens are called “pea hens” because they are quite round, like peas.
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8) Or round like bowling balls.
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9) Well-trained pea hens command a premium in the All India Pea Hen Bowling League (AIPHBL.)
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10) Urban pea hens can fly up to 100 mph. Rural pea hens are slightly slower than urban cousins and less urbane as well.
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11) Air forces the world round, are striving mightily to discover the pen hens’ secret. As of press time, their method remains an enigma.
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12) The pea hen’s velocity enabled this poultry to escape Chef Banerjee’s proposed entree. No pea hens, no Pea Hen Masala, urban or rural.
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13) Ishaan sought temporary respite from his woes through the manly pursuit of anagrams.
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14) Yo ho! Chef Banerjee discovered that an anagram of Urban Pea Hen is “Paneer Bhuna.”
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15) Why not substitute paneer for pea hens? He did. It tasted great.
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16) Now Chef Ishaan Banerjee and his culinary masterpiece Panner Bhuna Masala are famous all over the world. Yay, for he is a rather nice guy.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Club Hell

Ancient Greek Hell (Hades) was a paler, grayer version of life on Earth. Everything was less substantial. Whereas on Earth, you could bench press 600 pounds, you’d be hard pressed to pick up a package from Amazon(tm). And my, its sky was perpetually overcast and gray, like a winter in Wisconsin or the Netherlands.

You wouldn’t like the Christian Hell of the Middle Ages either. Sure you felt much more energetic, but that was only so you acutely feel your skin bubbling from Hell’s intense fires.

So, both places suck.

But what if? What if you could merge the Greek hell with that Medieval hell? The temperatures would even out to a nice temperate temperature of say, 74 degrees. All the time. The Greek gray would be cancelled by the Hellish red of Middle Europe. This would certainly result in blue skies. It would. It would. You’d have Hell’s energy allied with Hades’ buff bods. What could be better than having a magnificent body on a lush, tropical island?

Club Hell(tm), people are dying to go there.

 

Greek hell                 and medieval Christian Hell yields                  Club Hell

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Anti-productivity

We’ve all heard of productivity. We all know what it means. If we earned advanced degrees in economics or business,  this concept enters our dreams in dark and mysterious ways nearly every night.

Strange to say, use of productivity’s opposite is virtually non-existent.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

Anti-productivity

Awesome entry #9

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
­
­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Spam and Egg Musubi

Hawaiian Appetizer

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SPAM AND EGG MUSUBI

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INGREDIENTS
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1 cup sushi rice*
4 Nori (seaweed) sheeta
4 eggs
1½ tablespoons mirin**
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
no stick spray
1 12-ounce can SPAM(tm)
4 teaspoons furikake seasoning*** (½ teaspoon at a time) (optional)
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* = Substitute rices are: arborio, pudding, short-grain white, risotto, or cauliflower
** = Substitutes are: rice wine vinegar, white wine vinegar, white wine, sake, or dry sherry
*** = May be found online Or 2 teaspoons crumbled Nori and 2 teaspoons sesame seed.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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musubi mold (can be found online) or empty SPAM can.
2 12″-or-wider pans
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Cut Nori sheets into strips, each one about 2½”-to-3″ wide, Add eggs to mixing bowl. Scramble thoroughly with whisk or fork. Add mirin, soy sauce, and sugar to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves completely.
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Cut SPAM into 8 equal slices along its width, each one about ⅜” wide, Spray large (12″) pan with no-stick spray. Add mixed eggs. Cover and fry  at low-medium heat for 5 minutes or until eggs set and achieve your desired level of doneness.  Remove eggs and set aside.
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Add SPAM slices to second 12″ pan. Fry at medium-heat for 3 minutes or until bottom of SPAM slices become crisp and start to brown. Flip SPAM slices. Fry at medium-heat for 1 minute 30 seconds or until new bottom of SPAM slices become crisp and start to brown. Reduce heat to low. Let pan cool for 1 minute. Ladle mirin/soy/sugar sauce over SPAM. Cook SPAM for 30 seconds on each side or until sauce thickens.
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Put scrambled eggs on flat surface. Use knife and musubi mold to make 8 egg cutouts that have the same shape as the SPAM slices
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Put Nori strip shiny side down on flat surface. Put mold on the middle of the Nori strip. (The length of the mold should stick out just a bit from the sides of the strip.) Place SPAM in mold. Put an egg cutout on SPAM in mold. Sprinkle egg with ½ teaspoon furikake. Put ¼ cup cooked rice into the mold. Level rice with spoon. Press down evenly with musubi mold until rice becomes molded and compact.
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Wrap Nori strip around stack. Put some grain of rice on the Nori strip where it comes together. Gently press the ends of the Nori strip together to make a seal. This is the musubi. Gently flip the musubi so that the Nori seal is on the bottom.
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TIDBITS
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1) SPAM and Egg Musubi looks like a bar of soap. This is no accident!
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2) The ancient Sumerians, way back before your parents we born, loved to be clean. But how could they? Dust storms stormed through the land depositing layers of dust deep enough on the inhabitants to impress even the most ardent archeologist.
3) Then on July 3, 2473 BC, a textile worker cried out to the earth goddess Ki, “My life sucks.” “Yes, child,” said Ki, “what troubles you so?”
“ I hate my name. It’s Ninsun. It means ‘wild lady cow.’”
“Oh my gosh,” said Ki, “from now on you shall be known as ‘Betty.’ It means ‘God is my oath.”
“Cool.” But Betty still fretted.
“What else disturbs you, child?”
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4) “I want to be beautiful. I wish to attract, Anzu the hunter. How can I do that when I’m perpetually caked in dirt?”
“Ah,” said the goddess, you are a textile worker, are you not?”
5) Synapses fired lickety split in Betty’s brain, for she was smarter than the average Sumerian textile worker. “Aha! “The fatty lanolin from the wool vats would work wicked wonders  as a cleaning agent and when added to lanoliney  water would create liquid soap. I can wash myself clean. I can get Anzu to be my husband. Cowabunga!”
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6) Betty and Anzu gave birth to a baby girl, Nanshe.  Nanshe next noticed nicely that when the liquid in the soapy dried out it became soap bars. The Soap-Nori Road would be born the next morning. This is why we know of Nanshe.
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7) Nanshe also sagely saw something soap shaped, but with egg and SPAM wrapped in Nori would be quite exciting and tasty. Especially so, when you considered that the average Sumerian meal consisted of bread, porridge, bread, and porridge.
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8) But it took years to trade for nori on the Soap-Nori Road. And there was no such thing as SPAM. However, the SPAM-and-Egg Musubi dream never died out.
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9) SPAM would be invented in 1937, and SPAM and Egg Musubi came about in the early 1980s.
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10) We are living in a golden age.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
­
­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word, Leveltripping

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD
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Leveltrippers
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Awesome entry #8

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why the Greek Gods Died Off

According to the ancient Greeks,  you tried hard to make your way the underworld, Hades. Hades was not as fun as life on Earth, but still much better than wandering the Earth forever as invisible and restless spirit. So you started your afterlife journey to Hades. Soon, you arrived at the river Styx. It was too wide and cold to swim. And really how man yancient Greeks new how to swim?

So, your only viable way to cross was by using Charon theBboatman’s ferry. Charon demanded a gold coin as his fee. No gold coin, no passage. No Hades.

So you made sure to have a gold coin on you in case you died. However, Achilles was cheap. He didn’t want give Charon a gold coin, when he the brave Achilles could spend it while alive. So he had only a chocolate coin to bay the Boatman. But as the chocolate coin came clad in gold-colored foil, it fooled Charon. Achilles thus crossed the river and made it into Hades.

But eventually there was a hot day in Hell. Achilles’ gold coin melted. He, Charon, had been cheated. If Achilles felt bold enough to pay his way with chocolate, why then all future Greeks would do the same.  The red mist descended around Charon. He wanted to kill every Greek hed meet. As all those people would already be dead, he wouldn’t even be able to do that.

He decided, there and then, to never again ferry people to Hades. Greeks soon learned of Charon’s no-ferry list. No Hades for them. So now what was the point of believing and sacrifing to the gods? So the Greeks stopped their sacrifices. The gods, deprived of their sustenance soon faded away.

This is why we no longer have Zeus, Athena, Poseidon, and the rest of that lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Easy Poutine

Canadian Entree

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EASY POUTINE

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ pounds French fries
¾ pound cheese curds
1½ cups beef gravy
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Makes 4 bowls. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cook French fries according to instructions on package. While French fries cook, warm gravy in small pot. Put fries on large plate. Place cheese curds on top of fries and ladle gravy over everything.
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TIDBITS
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1) We call this entree “Easy Poutine” because it has only three ingredients and is easy to make.
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2) Or maybe, it got its name from “Easy” Poutine of hockey fame. Easy Poutine’s real name was Farine Poutine. It still is.
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3) “Easy” didn’t mean she was an “easy” date. Oh no, Easy was an enforcer for the Sudbury Sirens All Canadian Ladies’ Hockey League, (ACLHL.)
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4) Indeed, Miss Poutine sent many an opponent player to the hospital. She also caused many dates who attempted non-consensual liberties to intensive wards. Not easy with her heart, you bet.
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5) In fact, sportswriters bestowed her nickname on her for the easy way she racked up uncontested goals, hat tricks even, game after game.
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6) Then, in 1945, World War II ceased. Most culinary historians agree that ending the massive bloodshed was on the whole, a good thing.
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7) Not so for Easy. The need for her vaunted strong-arm tactics evaporated with the onset of peace. She failed completely when she searched for a position in traditional female jobs; her violent reputation prevented her hire. She became an enforcer for the Canadian mob. She didn’t last. The underworld patriarchy made sure of that.
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8) The world soon lost track of Farine Poutine. Although, the Canada’s intelligence services would suspect her involvement whenever a small country’s government toppled from a violent coup.
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9) So be kind and give Easy Poutine a caring thought before digging into this delicious entree.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Danger Stalks This Blog

I’ve now blogged over 800 times in a row. I’ve never let anything stop me. Nothing. Not tummy aches. Not even inertia. But today a large herd of rather frustrated elephants stamped down my street. I barely outran them, Thank goodness, the pachyderms would pause to eat the peanuts I threw at them. I almost died! Oh my goodness! Exclamation points abound!!! If I had died, this blog would never been posted. The blogging streak would have ended. Being trampled to death, I wouldn’t have had the heart to start a new streak.

I know the cynics out there are saying, “Pish, you made this up, Paul. There are no stampeding elephants in Poway, my fair city, California.

Well look at the photo  below.

Elephant stampede in Poway. Proof you cannot deny.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: danger, lifestyle, Marked Safe From | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Misheard Christmas Hymn, Silent Night

Admit it, when you were little, instead of hearing “Round yon virgin,” you heard:

Misheard hymn #3

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: misheard | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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