It is now 6:35 pm, August 21, 2024
I hope to use my time machine to publish this post of July 19, 2024
Wish me luck.
Think of all those milk bottles and produce that went bad. Simply go back in time and consume them then.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Deep Thought Man #14
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I was cursing at my printer when Shazzam! someone looking a lot like myself and dressed pretty much the same materialized to my left.
“What ho,” I said, “you look like me. Am I besides myself?”
“Hee, hee,” he said, “I see what you did there. In fact, I am you from the future. I’ve come to let you know what might happen to you, so you can prepare.”
I asked, “How far into the future?”
“Ten minutes.”
I shrugged. “Anyway, can you fix this fecking piece of crap computer?”
“No,” said future me (FM), “Printers hate me, will hate you, as much as they hate you now?”
I flipped off the printer. “You stinking lutefisk.”
“Indeed.”
I hung my head. “Life is hard.”
FM put a hand on my shoulder. Let’s say it was his right hand on my left shoulder. It could have been his left hand on my right shoulder. There’s a lot of freedom in the first draft.
While we waited for my blog self to stop ruminating, I tried cancelling the print order by all things, pressing the stop-printing thingy. It would not cancel. We tried going to POS 2000 printer icon on the desk top and clicking on stop print job. Bloody feck! Nothing happened. We tried turning the computer on and off. The printer remained frozen. We unplugged the printer and made a brief sacrifice to a Mayan monkey god. Then FM plugged in the computer and rebooted. We managed to cancel the print job.
The printer peformed a number of noisy incantations to its evil master and spat a test page.
I looked at my future self and said, “It’s crunch time” as I clicked on print.
And then the familiar sound of a big wheeler downshifting on a steep infected the air around us as a page crumpled to its death.
We stared at each other and said, “I fecking hate printers.”
Synapses fired as I finally realized the full import of having future coming to visit. Coming to import life changing information.
“So,” I said, “What did come back in time to tell me?”
“Present Paul,” he said, “I braved temporal eddies to say . . .”
Beep! Poof! And like that he was gone. His ten minutes were up.
That’s the last time I time travel.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I was cursing at my printer when Shazzam! someone looking a lot like myself and dressed pretty much the same materialized to my left.
“What ho,” I said, “you look like me. Am I besides myself?”
“Hee, hee,” he said, “I see what you did there. In fact, I am you from the future. I’ve come to let you know what might happen to you, so you can prepare.”
I asked, “How far into the future?”
“Ten minutes.”
I shrugged. “Anyway, can you fix this fecking piece of crap computer?”
“No,” said future me (FM), “Printers hate me, will hate you, as much as they hate you now?”
I flipped off the printer. “You stinking lutefisk.”
“Indeed.”
I hung my head. “Life is hard.”
FM put a hand on my shoulder. Let’s say it was his right hand on my left shoulder. It could have been his left hand on my right shoulder. There’s a lot of freedom in the first draft.
While we waited for my blog self to stop ruminating, I tried cancelling the print order by all things, pressing the stop-printing thingy. It would not cancel. We tried going to POS 2000 printer icon on the desk top and clicking on stop print job. Bloody feck! Nothing happened. We tried turning the computer on and off. The printer remained frozen. We unplugged the printer and made a brief sacrifice to a Mayan monkey god. Then FM plugged in the computer and rebooted. We managed to cancel the print job.
The printer peformed a number of noisy incantations to its evil master and spat a test page.
I looked at my future self and said, “It’s crunch time” as I clicked on print.
And then the familiar sound of a big wheeler downshifting on a steep infected the air around us as a page crumpled to its death.
We stared at each other and said, “I fecking hate printers.”
Synapses fired as I finally realized the full import of having future coming to visit. Coming to import life changing information.
“So,” I said, “What did come back in time to tell me?”
“Present Paul,” he said, “I braved temporal eddies to say . . .”
Beep! Poof! And like that he was gone. His ten minutes were up.
That’s the last time I time travel.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Bangladeshi Entree
INGREDIENTS
4 chicken breasts
1 medium onion
1 ounce cashew nuts
4 large garlic cloves
1½ ounces ginger root
1 tablespoon poppy seeds
1 teaspoon cardamom
¾ teaspoon chili
½ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon mace
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon turmeric
½ tablespoon lemon juice
¼ cup milk
¼ cup plain yogurt
2 cups basmati rice
3½ cups water
2 bay leaves
1¾ cups water
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ cup ghee or butter
1 gram saffron (.035 ounce. Tiny but mighty, you bet.) or ½ teaspoon safflower
SPECIAL UTENSILS
spice grinder
sonic obliterator (essential for all sensitive chefs)
Takes about 3 hours. Serves 4.
PREPARATION
Cut each chicken breast in half. Dice onion. Put the following ingredients one at a time in spice grinder and grind until you get four different pastes: cashew nuts, garlic cloves, ginger root, and poppy seeds.
Add chicken, onion, ginger paste, cashew paste, garlic paste, poppy-seed paste, cardamom, chili, coriander, mace, nutmeg, salt, turmeric, lemon juice, milk, and yogurt to large mixing bowl. Mix by hand until chicken pieces are well coated with spices. Marinate in refrigerator for at least 1 hour.
While chicken marinates, add rice and 3½ cups water to large bowl. Let rice set in water for 30 minutes, then drain water. Add bay leaves, cinnamon stick, and 1 cup water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes. Remove bay leaves and cinnamon stick with tongs. This is the spicy water.
Add marinated chicken and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté chicken on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until chicken starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat. Add ghee, saffron, and drained rice to second pan. Sauté rice for about 5 minutes or until rice starts to splutter. Stir constantly.
Add chicken, sautéed rice, and spicy water to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer for 20 minutes or until rice is tender. Serve to adoring quests. Sonically obliterate the unappreciative; it just means more for those who like this entree. And besides, you don’t need negativity.
TIDBITS
1) The similarities between Bangladesh and Tennessee are astounding and many.
2) Morog Polao, this Bangladeshi entree, has four vowels, o, in it.
3) Tennessee has four vowels in it as well, e in this case.
4) Morog Polao is served at Bangladeshi weddings.
5) Food is also served at Tennessean festivals, including deep-fried ice cream and deep-fried Caesar’s salad.
6) Julius Caesar never made it to either Bangladesh or Tennessee.
7) Bangladesh is an anagram for bagel hands. Tennesseans eat bagels with their hands.
8) Tennessee is an anagram for seen teens.
9) Teenagers have been seen in Bangladesh and in Tennessee.
4) Uh oh!. We’ve already seen 4). I hope this is just a typo, not an indication that we are going back in time. In which case, my twelve-minute eggs will never get ready. I mean they’ve been cooking for eight minutes now and pretty soon they’ll be three-minute eggs because we’re going back in time. My gosh!
10) Ah! 10). We are not going back in time. It was just a typo.
11) Typos occur in both Bangladesh and Tennessee. If all these similarities can occur in two widely separated spots in the world, who’s to say involuntary time travel can’t happen? Watch your eggs.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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