Posts Tagged With: spammers

Dante Abalone’s Inferno

Posted on December 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

We’ve all heard of the nine circles of Hell in Dante’s masterwork, The Inferno. But many of haven’t read it, but want to know what it said without really reading it. I am here to help you. The following is a brief summary of Abalone’s nine levels:

­First Circle: Limbo
The first circle is home of virtuous chefs and bloggers who were never baptized. All in all, a decent place.

Seco­nd Circle: Lust
Reserved for the lustful and adulterous. Dante makes it sound like these are bad things.

Third Circle: Gluttony
If you can’t get a reservation for the second circle, go for this one.

Fourth Circle: Greed
This level of Hell is reserved for the shrinkflaters; those evil souls who raise the cost of living by shrinking the size of their products

Fifth Circle: Aisle Blockers
Dante tells us that people who block supermarket aisles by leaving their shopping cart on one side of the aisle and then stand on the other will suffer horrific torments indeed.

Sixth Circle: Spammers
We all know how horrible these people are. May they suffer longer all-consuming afflictions that last longer than the time we spent deleting their crap, if that is possible.

Seventh Circle: Violence
You ought not to have done that. Mama was right.

Eighth Circle: People who produce, distribute, or sell printers.
Their punishment is to use their printers.

Ninth Circle: Treachery.
Baseball and football owners who persuade a city to tax itself into a stupor, then up and leave for an even more gullible metropolis.

Bottom of Pit: Satan. Boo! Hiss!

Now you know. Walk with pride.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: apocalyptic, face of evil, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When Scammers Merge

Posted on February 16, 2022 by pauldelancey

The world of commerce becomes ever more cutthroat by the day. The motto of money is “Go Big or Die.” Small businesses simply can’t compete against the resources of mega-corporations. Sometimes small businesses just go bankrupt. Sometimes the big companies merely buy out the smaller ones. Mostly though, companies merge to form one bigger unit. Airlines merge all the time. So do accounting firms. And now, so do scammers.

Face it, the scammers’ audience shrinks every year as more and more people become hip to scams. There’s simply not enough innocent customers out there to justify keeping the same level of scam callers and spammers on the payrolls. So the scammers are merging. Expect to come across the scam shown below very soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Doctor Economics – What We Should Do With Spammers

Posted on April 14, 2015 by pauldelancey

Penny

What is the most annoying aspect of our lives? It is, of course, spam on our computers. Spam is broken down into three basic types: ViagraTM, ways to lengthen your penis, and offers to inherit money from an ex-Nigerian dictator. All of this is only really useful to the kin of Nigerian dictators who are trying to finance penis-enhancement operations. And how many of us fit that description?

How about eat the spammers? Only four problems occur to me. First cannibalism in illegal in all fifty states. (I’m reasonably sure there’s religious exemption for this.) Second, how do we find the spammers? Third. what wine goes with grilled spammer? Merlot? Zinfandel? There are no books for this.

So, cannibalism is out. I never had much stomach for it anyway. I therefore propose a fee on all e-mail. Now hold your horses partner, let me finish. It would only be a small fee, say one cent per 100 e-mail recipients. If you only sent e-mail to five people each day, your annual fee would come to 18c. Affordable, you bet.

But what about the billions of dollars that would flow into the Federal Coffers from this levy? I’m glad you asked. Here are my suggestions.

1) Reduce the Federal deficit.

2) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

3) Reduce taxes.

4) Subsidize the CowboyMetricsTM Society. (Helping out the statistically challenged kids of cowboys everywhere.)

5) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

6) Lower the price of cell-phone plans.

7) Add gourmet lunches to all school cafeterias.

8) Jail cells for all those who don’t make their choices before getting to the fast-food counters.

9) Jail cells for all those who block the aisles in supermarkets with their carts.

10) Teaching quilt making to all the people who soon be in our prisons.

11) Develop computers that never freeze.

12) Bacon and chocolate for everyone.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: finance, humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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