Posts Tagged With: simple

I Again Simplify Federal Taxes

Posted on February 5, 2025 by pauldelancey

I spend bits of time all year long assembling documents for my taxes. I spent more time this month. I labored all freakin’ day collating information that gladdens the  IRS’ heart.

What really gets my goat is that frigging complicated tax form. With all the schedules that go along with the main page, a taxpayer could easily fill out over 30 pages. You’ll need to hire a tax preparer. That’ll run you hundreds of dollars. And that’s after spending three days assembling all the information. What makes it even more horrible is that the IRS scans all the returns looking for mistakes.

Looking for mistakes. Let that sink in. That means they already have the numbers you need to type in on the forms. And they will tell you when they think–no, when they now–you are wrong. What can be done to fix all this madness and frustration?

I’m glad you asked. Let the IRS do your taxes for you, They know what they want on your forms, schedules, and attachments anyway. I hereby propose a new and quite simple form to replace all the tree-devouring pages you used to submit.

Much of this rant comes from a blog written three years ago. But, as you can see the IRS has neglected to enact my clever, nifty idea. So, it is with a sense of eternal optimist that I suggest brilliantly simple tax form.

It’s called the 1040-P. (P stands for Paul, me. I created this glorious, time saving, liberating page. I deserve some recognition.)

Anyway, I give you the 1040-P

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: finance | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Existential Threat That is Mathematics

Posted on August 10, 2024 by pauldelancey

Mathematics starts easier, gets evers harder, and turns deadly at the end. (You can skip the middle parts, but it’s worth a rapid scan to see the general trend)

 

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

2 + 2 = 4

Still alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

DIFFICULT ARITHMETIC

3,513, 692 / 1372 = 2,561

EASY ALGEBRA (We transition from just numbers to numbers and letters from the alphabet)

a * (b+c) = a * b + a*c.   Example, 3*(4+5) = 3*4 +3*5 = 12 +15 = 27

 

(YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP TO THE HEADING “DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”)

 

DIFFICULT ALGEBRA (This might be mind numbing)

ax^2 + bx + c = d, where x^2 means x is squared

Example: x^2 + 5x +6 = 0

by the quadratic equation: x = -b +/- (b^2 – 4ac)^2 / 2a

so x = (- 5 +/-(5^2 – 4*1*6)^.5 ) / 2*1 = -(5 =/- (25-4*1*6)^.5) / (2*1 = -5 +- (25-24)^.5) / 2 =( -5 +/- (1)^.5) )/ 2

=( -5 +/-(1)^2) / 2  = (-5 +/- 1) / 2 = (-5+1)/2 AND (-5-1)/ 2 OR X = -2 and X = – 3

EASY CALCULUS (We transition from just numbers and letters from the alphabet by adding letters from the Greek alphabet)

∂(3x^2 + 4x + c) = 2*3*x + 4 + 0 = 6x+ 4

DIFFICULT CALCULUS (Years ago, I could do the following, but no longer.)

A second-order differential equation is linear if it can be written in the form

a2(x)y”+a)1(x)y’+a0(x)y=r(x),(17.1.1)
where a2(x),a1(x),a0(x),
and r(x)
are real-valued functions and a2(x)
is not identically zero. If r(x)=0
—in other words, if r(x)=0
for every value of x
—the equation is said to be a homogeneous linear equation. If r(x)?0
for some value of x,
the equation is said to be a nonhomogeneous linear equation.

Not easy peasy.

“DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”

If quest for ever more challenging mathemetics leads to this level of difficulty,

YOU WILL DIE

Some 200 bright young mind have tried to comprehend the next level of math. Their brains all literally exploded.

A Carl La Fong, Ph.D., University of Wisconsin, 1986, suspected this next level involved adding Hindi letters, but he went permanently insane before pursuing his research for any length.

Let this be a cautionary tale for you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: danger, Deep Thinker, explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Simplify Jigsaw Puzzles

Posted on July 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun.  Finishing them elicits effusive praise from guests. Completing the puzzle makes your spouse respect you for the first time in months. “You completed a project. Well done!”

However, puzzle solving can take hours, dozens of hours, and even dozens of weeks, if you even finish. Yep, you’ll probably give up. Your latest failure will drive her to desert you. Her farewell note of “You clod, I’ve run off with the milkman” will be all the more hurtful for the fact that your neighborhood hasn’t had a milkman in 40 years.

And if you stick to your puzzle quest, no matter the cost, chances are there will be a missing piece. Where did the piece go? Is it hiding somewhere on the floor, did it migrate to your sock drawer, or did your puzzle box simply have a piece missing? No matter, it’s missing. You won’t regain your mate’s love and adoration.

He: You didn’t finish the puzzle.
You: I did. All but one piece.
He: Like I haven’t heard that one before.

And then he leaves, claiming to go to the store to buy a particle accelarator. He doesn’t come back. Your life is bereft of joy. Well mostly, you do look forward to not picking up his socks anymore.

What’s the solution? A one-piece puzzle! Everyone of us finish that. And quickly, too. No more looking at a box of 1,000 pieces and guessing if they are all there. Buy the one-piece puzzle. We can all count to one. Yes we can.

Look below to see the one-piece puzzle I just completed..

1 piece puzzle of the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Simple Corned Beef 2

Posted on May 22, 2023 by pauldelancey

Irish Entree

SIMPLE CORNED BEEF 2

INGREDIENTS

6 russet potatoes
3 large carrots
1 large white onion
1 4- pound ready-to-cook corned beef brisket
½ head cabbage

SPECIAL UTENSIL

crock pot

Serves 6. Takes 8 hours using low setting on crock pot and 14 hours using high setting.

PREPARATION

Clean potatoes and carrots. Cut potatoes in two. Cut carrots and onion into slices no thicker than ½”. Add potato, carrots, onion, and corned beef to crock pot. You may need to cut the corned beef into smaller pieces depending on the size of your crock pot. Add water to crock pot until it covers the corned beef. If using low setting on crock pot, cook for 12 hours, possibly overnight. If using high setting, cook for 8 hours (or 2 hours per pound.) Either way, cook until brisket is tender.

Now that you have lots of time, let’s play tic-tac-toe.

 

 

 

 

 

45 minutes before corned beef is ready, cut cabbage into slices no thicker than ½”. (1 hour 30 minutes before if using low heat.) Add cabbage to crock pot. Add water until it covers the cabbage. Cook on high setting for about 45 minutes or on low setting for 1 hour 30 minutes or until everything is tender. Serve to adoring guests.

Tell your spellbound guests corned-beef takes 10 days to prepare. This, of course, is the do-it-yourself corned-beef version. You used ready-to-eat corned beef brisket. But you needn’t tell them that.

TIDBITS

1) Potatoes make great French fries.

2) They’re nutritious and a great source of calories too.

3) They grow in the ground where they can’t be seen by hungry, foraging armies marching back and forth across peasants’ fields.

4) On July 14, 1689 Madame Farine du Blé of Poulet sur Marne noticed invading Bavarians ransacking the granary of her neighbors, the Herbes, while leaving her own field of potatoes untouched.

5) This fact kinda excited the peasantry of France who relied almost exclusively on food for eating.

6) Frederick the Great of Prussia noticed this fact as well. He insisted that all the Prussian peasants plant potatoes.

7) And boy, those peasants were glad they did. Massive French, Austrian, and Russian armies crisscrossed the Prussian kingdom from 1756 to 1763 carting off all the wheat they could find. But the Prussian peasants didn’t starve.

8) Why? These farmers simply waited for the invading soldiers to leave, dug up their potatoes, and cooked them. And if the peasants also had the proper spices and deep fryers, they dined on papas rellena, Peruvian stuffed potatoes.

9) When individual peasants don’t starve, the country as a whole doesn’t starve. A well-fed nation can afford to feed its armies in the field. And those Prussian armies did really well earning both victory and survival at the end of the Seven Years War.

10) Prussia united Germany in 1871. A united Germany caused World War I. A united Germany caused World War II. Both wars were unarguably unpleasant.

11) So think about that when you are asked, “Do you want fries with that?”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.