Was robbed
Rage, rage against the demotion of Pluto from full planetary status to dwarf-planet. Augh! May the demented astronomers who stabbed you in the back have lutefisk to eat for every meal.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Pluto. Looks like a malt ball, doesn’t it?
1) Woke up.
2) Got up. Go me!
3) Worked on finances.
4) Showered.
5) Got dressed. The day is still early. Go me.
6) Went to the discount supermarket.
7) Got the things I needed.
8) Looked for targets of opportunity, also known as sales.
9) Put things away.
10) Organized the racks of canned drinks. Did you know that if you knock a fizzy drink to the floor, if can explode? Fizz goes everywhere, mostly onto the floor. However, a powerful jet made its way into my eye. Fortunately, thank goodness, that spray hit only the white of my eye. Even so, the pain was intense. But only for two seconds. Whew! And whew again. Thank goodness.
11) Caught up on people’s lives on Facebook(tm).
12) Made a shrimp cocktail
13) Contemplated the inequities in the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia.
8) Worked on a Thursday, New York Times(tm) crossword puzzle.
9) Read from Mary’s Land, a wonderful novel and designated bathtub book.
10) Finished fizzy bath.
11) Checked in Pluto. Resentment still festers about its demotion from planetary status. Right now, Pluto’s sadness dominates its anger. But if that changes, watch out! There’s nothing worse than an angry dwarf planet. I think I managed to talk Pluto down. It says, “Hi.”
12) Made hot dogs.
13) Finally got around to writing this blog. I had almost forgotten. Egad.
17) Sent my weekly condolences to Pluto for losing its full planetary status.
Behave yourselves.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Planet: Mercury
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Venus
Does it have tacos? No. Looks like an overcooked egg yolk. That doesn’t count.
Does it have life: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.91 pound
Planet: Earth
Does it have tacos? Yes. Billions and billions
Does it have life? Yes. Billions and billions of people. Lots of other living thingies.
Weight of two tacos: 1.00 pound
Planet: Mars
Do it have tacos? No. It does have Mars Bars(tm), but those are not tacos.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound
Planet: Jupiter
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 2.36 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Saturn
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.06 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Uranus
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life?: No.
Was it once named George?: Yes
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: .89 pound (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet: Neptune
Does it have tacos? No.
Does it have life? No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.13 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)
Planet*: Pluto
Does it have tacos?: No.
Does it have life?: No.
Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.08 pound
Did this plucky celestial orbiter have its planetary status callously stripped in 2006 and only given reluctantly given back the wienie status of dwarf planet soon afterward because of widespread outcry?: Yes.
MAJOR CONCLUSIONS
1) Life only exists on planets with tacos.
2) Don’t drop your tacos on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune. They will continue to fall until they reach the planet’s center.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and astronomer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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