Posts Tagged With: cleanliness

You Need to See a Clean Bean

Posted on November 8, 2024 by pauldelancey

This has been a tough few days for me, full of massive headaches, eternal other pains, and dark forboding. I imagine it’s been the same for much of the country. If only our country could take one pain pill. It would have to be big; we have over 300 million heads. Likewise the size of the glass of the water needed to wash down the pill would have to be huge as well, perhaps the size of the Empire State Building

What can we do to ease our headaches?

By doing something to make us happy, something to make us better people.

Being clean makes us happy. And cleanliness is next to godliness. And who doesn’t desire that?

We get clean by taking showers. But what if we’re unhappy at work? What if we’re sad several times a day? We certainly can’t take twenty showers a day.

So, what can we do? We look at something that’s clean.

We must gaze at something that is as clean as a bean. What is as clean as that?

A BEAN!

 

You need to see #43

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did Today

Posted on January 31, 2024 by pauldelancey

My time on Mars was necessarily brief

1) Woke up. The streak continues. Go me!

2) Showered, Cleanliness is next to godliness.

3) Renewed CD.

4) Briefly contemplated the infinite.

5) Went to monthly massage therapy. She spent much more time on my head and neck than usual because I walked into a window at last week’s craft class.

5b) If you’re wondering does walking into a window hurt, the answer is yes.

6) Ate lunch.

7) Went to the library for this week’s crafts session. Made progress on my latch-hook project.

8) Did not walk into a window at any time.

9) Help with friend’s CD question.

10) Used extra-springy trampoline to bounce my way to Mars.

11) Had to return to Earth right away as I can only hold my breath so long.

12) Fortunately, NASA had left a trampoline on Mars during its last mission there.

13) Bounced my way back to Earth. Boy, did I take a big gulp of air!

14) Ordered some place markers for the Great Latch Hook Project.

15) Made quesadillas for the natives.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did Today

Posted on January 17, 2024 by pauldelancey

Ravioli punch hid for a long time

Busy, busy day. I’m exhaustedand hurting.

1) Woke up. Good start to the day.

2) Got up. Right away, Go me! The Energizer Bunny(tm), you bet.

3) Had a glazed doughnut for breakfast.

4) Showered again. There’s always time for cleanliness.

5) Dressed again and didn’t even go outside to the peoply world.

6)  Wrestled with finances again for a long time. The storm clouds gathered.

7) Did something. My mind’s mush from the day’s wrestling matches.

8) Started to pause and reflect. Realized I didn’t have time, so I stopped.

9) Looked for well over an hour looking for my ravioli punch. I had to take out all sorts of kitchen untensils out of the drawers and put them back. Hurt my pack from all this bending down and squatting and then getting up again.

10) Found my ravioli punch. It transpired that it was in the box with the pasta machine. I put the punch there because it was the most logical place for it to be. If there’s something like logic in the spirit world, tell it that I’m not happy with it.

11) Made ravioli. It’s a highly repetitive process that requires a fair amount of concentration. I also made ravioli sauce.

12) The ravioli turned out well, thank goodness.

13) Flour got all over me and the table.

14) Ate ravioli in minutes. Thank goodness, it was tasty.

15) Revised my ravioli recipe again. Although, I think it’s a keeper this time.

16) Briefly thought about estimating the total cost of ingredients and ravioli gizmos and the total time needed to get to the point where I am happy with my ravioli. However, my mind utterly recoiled at the thought. I’ll never again question the price of restaurant ravioli

17) Cleaned up a bit. Hooray, a native is cleaning up the rest of the mess.

18) I’m really in the mood for some murder mysteries.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did the Day Before Tomorrow

Posted on December 20, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

2) So is getting up. It’s important to get up, especially if you run the mile. As of press time, no one, man or woman, has won the mile race without getting of bed. I have no plans to compete in such a race. But it’s nice to know that if chose to do so, I could run my heart out.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) And I went out! For eye therapy. I  dodged people so adeptly that a Hall of Fame running back would be jealous.

5) Went over finances.

6)   Didn’t fight Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm). Maybe tomorrow. Of sure, I cussed a bit at them in the comfort of my office, but it was mostly perfunctory.

7)  Oh, not to worry, I came back from eye therapy. I walked both ways. Go me.

9) I made rosemary olive oil soap.

10) It didn’t turn out well. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

11)  Got out my spice grinder and ground the heck of the fresh rosemary. Atomized it, really.

12)  Performed multiple experiments on better ways of making Rosemary Olive Oil soap.

12) Made another batch. I’m praying that it will come out right.

13) Chatted briefly with Iceland and Paraguay. They agreed to postone their border dispute until I had more time to mediate. I expect a quick resolution as the two nations do not share a border.

14) Too tired to cook dinner. One of the natives is going out for chicken. Yay.

 

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Did the Day After Yesterday

Posted on December 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head.2) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

3) Dressed casual. I was fit for society.

4) But didn’t go out. It’s too peoply out there.

5) Went over finances.

6)  Spent hours failing to deal with an email issue arising from a misbegotten union between Verizon(tm) and Yahoo(tm).

7)  Cussed a lot. Verizon, can you hear me know.

8) Worked on a family Christmas picture.

9) Wrote letters to our six sponsored children abroad. Sent them Christmas gifts.

10)  Took a long relaxing fizzy bath. I’m really clean.

11)  Read from the highly enjoyable bath book,  Mary’s Land.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.”

13) Noticed that the Earth was upside down.

14) Turn it rightside up again.

15) Reasoned that my hypothesis in 14) was faulty. It was only perceived to be upside down.  Many would have thought it was rightside up in the first place.

16) Thought it best to return things to their original state, by turning it downside up. Sorry, if I made you dizzy. Let this be a lesson in humility for me. On the plus side, people in both hemispheres got to see constellations they never would have otherwise.

17) Made sausages and beans for dinner.

 

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did Today

Posted on December 15, 2023 by pauldelancey

Sewing the Earth back together, one spool at a time

1) Woke up.

2) Got up.  The streak continues

3) Worked on finances.

4) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

5) Got dressed. Wore dress casual again.

6)  Drove to my massage therapist. Emerged feeling better.

7)  Did errands with a friend.

8) Bought food, including a ham for Christmas.

9) Drove home.

10)  Ruthlessly extirminated errors in a financial spreadsheet.

11)  Made taquitos for the natives.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.

13) Noticed that the Earth was coming apart.

14) Double stitched the Earth back together. It’s safe now. By the way, my grandmother was a professional seamstress.

15) Contemplated the infinite. It’s relaxing. You should try it.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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How To Use #5, Clothes Washer, The Second Steps

Posted on April 7, 2021 by pauldelancey

Dear readers,

Congratulations for getting this far! You’ve the mastered the art of moving your clothes from the closet floor to the clothes basket. Pace yourself. Take a deep breath. Visualize your self doing heroic deeds. Ok, let’s go.

1) Open the door to the laundry room. You’ll be amazed by the number of people who forget this humble but necessary step. Take it from me, you simply cannot get yourself and your filled laundry through a closed door. As of press time, the molecules of your clothes, even when not in a basket, cannot pass through the door. Nor yours for that matter.

2) Walk through the open door, like a boss, holding your basket.

3) Put basket down on dryer. You can’t put the clothes into the washer if you put it down on top of its lid.

4) Open container of laundry detergent. Fill little plastic cup that comes with container with laundry detergent.

5) Pour detergent into washing machine.

6) Wipe detergent off closed washing-machine lid. Resolve to see this through. Excelsior!

7) Open washing machine.

8) Repeat steps 4) and 5).

9) Pause and reflect.

10) Load clothes into washer. DO NOT WASH WOOLEN CLOTHES. This is an advanced step. (See step 17 below.)

11) Close lid to washer.

12) Look at the control dials on the washing machine. OMG, OMG, it’s like a NASA space shuttle. Hyperventilate.

13) Breathe into a paper page. Think soothing thoughts, like monarch butterflies flitting over a field of yellow marigolds.

14) Look at the dials again, this time calmly.

15) Realize that the last person who set the dials probably knew what she or he was doing.

16) Leave dials alone.

17) Relax, you’ll be perfectly fine unless you’re washing wool sweaters and the last person to wash clothes set wash temperature to hot. If so, you will shrink your sweaters down to gerbil size. Do you know any gerbils that need woolen sweaters? I didn’t think so.

18) Press start button. Well done, you!

And as always, cleanliness is next to godliness.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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