SUPERMARKET-SIGN HAIKU #1
Please sir, will you move?
Stop reading those cans and move.
I need to buy soup.
SUPERMARKET-SIGN HAIKU #2
Don’t care if it has
Monosodium glutamate
Buy the frickin’ can.
– Paul De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I love the old western series Gunsmoke. I enjoy testing my gun slinging skills with Matt Dillon at the start of the show. The result is bad for the marshal of Dodge City. I’ve won everyone showdown except three. My secret?
Don’t try to draw first, even when standing your ground. You’ll waste precious moments deciding when to draw and when you do that you’ll find a lead bullet burrowing through your chest. And that’s a bummer. However, when you wait for the other fella to draw your reflexes will take over and you’ll clear leather first.
I got the idea the idea from scientist Niels Bohr and fellow Ph.D.* He loved westerns and enjoyed fake gunfights with his grad students. He won everytime using the above method.
There you have it. There’s no downside to this. The annoying stranger is dead, you’re alive, and he made for his gun first so the killing is in self defense.
And as always, have a nice day.
* = Unfortunately, we are not fellow Nobel Prize winners.
– Paul R. De Lancey, gunslinger
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #1
I won’t eat any
Lutefisk, mushrooms, and haggis
No matter how tempted.
RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #2
I hereby resolve
Not to misplace my glasses
More than once daily.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
CHRISTMAS HAIKU #1
I will always know
Why this day is so special.
Thank you, Jesus.
CHRISTMAS HAIKU #2
Didn’t shop Walmart.
Christmas lights up for next year.
I must have been good.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
MY WISH HAIKU #1
May 2015
Be as wonderful to you
As you are to me.
MY WISH HAIKU #2
You brighten my life,
Friend, with everything you do.
I am so grateful
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I got to the stop sign first.
Please do not kill me.
DRIVING HAIKU #2
You have a big car.
I’ve a sonic obliterator.
You will yield to me.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“Insiders buy stocks for only one reason. They think the prices will go up.”
– From an online advertisement.
“Heat rises in Holland.”
– Dutch real estate agent
Whoa, slow down. Let me absorb this.
– Paul R. De Lancey – historian
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
GRAMMAR HAIKU #1
It is a truism.
Good grammar and chocolates
Will impress your date.
GRAMMAR HAIKU #2
Remember tonight,
Lust is fleeting but grammar
Endures forever.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
LAUNDRY HAIKU #1
Laundry, oh laundry
I hate you. I will hate you.
’till the end of time.
LAUNDRY HAIKU #2
You, pile of laundry,
I so wanted to eat out.
But then I saw you.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“1643-53. The Fronde, revolt against the regency named after the catapult children used to hurl clods at passing coaches.”
– The Encyclopedia of World History, Sixth edition, p. 326
Wow! Wow! Children in France had catapults. The parents in seventeenth-century France let their children have catapults, maybe even gave them to their kids for Christmas! Wow!
And, and the kids got to use their catapults to hurl clods! At passing coaches! And it was okay! Way cool! Way cool!
Mom and Dad never gave me a catapult, not even the children’s size. Oh sure, I got a fake Civil War musket that fired a cork about ten feet. But that’s nothing compared to a catapult. Those cork balls rapidly became lost, but you can always find dirt clods.
I don’t want to grow up. I’m a catapult kid.
Fling.
– Paul R. De Lancey – historian
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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