Posts Tagged With: car

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Cwont

Buying a major appliance, while expensive, can be exciting. You’re tired of washing clothes by hand. You look forward to reading a good book while the washer works its magic. You anticipate hitting the open road with your spiffy new car. The list goes on and on. So do your calls with customer service. You find yourself believing the person on the other end of the phone will be imprisoned if you’re helped. But this experience pales in comparison to the soul-sucking horror of trying to get service at the place where you made your major purchase, a dealership for example. You go round and round with the service people. At every turn, you discover they can’t fix your car. And if they can fix your vehicle, you find out that they won’t.

If only there were a word to describe this implaccable lack of help. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cwont

Awesome entry #46

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: definition, Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Did Today

Eyes on the prize

Woke up feeling a tiny bit better than the previous three days. Not starting the day with a big headache is a definite plus. Took a nice warm bath while doing New York Times’ Thursday crossword puzzles.

Didn’t do finances as nearly all of the world’s financial markets and stuff were closed. So, I took the car out for a spin. Even though I had no particular place to go, I still managed to get lost. I almost landed on Uranus. Horrors! As contrived luck would have it, an alien* took pity on me and hurried me home. Left me tell you, the current UFO models are sleek and fast.

* = The alien asked me not to give his name.

Anyway, I spent about seven hours collecting sourdough recipes, understanding them, and making my own recipe.

Also bought sourdough  things. I’ll be receiving them late tomorrow. They are:

flour-sack towels
banneton or bread proofing basket
6-quart enameled cast iron Dutch oven
bread lame (This is basically a razor blade attached to a stick. You won’t want to meet me in a dark kitchen.)

Then I made Cuban Garlic Bread Soup for dinner. I celebrated with a piece of chocolate cake.

That’s it for today. Try not to get into mischief.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bring Back the Old Car Radio

New car music systems have certainly enhanced our lives. Or are they are really death by enhancement? We can use something like Pandora(tm), which is fine as far it goes. You set it up before you leave. Then you listen to your favorite band every other song. You listen to same top three hits from each band. Over and over and over. You start to hate your once favorite bands.

So, with your right hand, you take a CD into the CD slot provided on the dashboard. You don’t even have to take your eyes off the road. Oh wait, cars today don’t have a CD slot.

Okay, adapt and move on. Just turn the tuner knob and find another station, one that’s playing a great song. Or push a button that corresponds to one of your five favorite radio stations. You don’t like the volume. No problem, just turn the volume knob. Oh wait, cars today don’t have knobs and buttons. There’s a screen below the dashboard. It takes a fair amount of seconds navigating menus to get what you want done. Meanwhile, you’ve plowed into a dump truck. The dump truck wins.

If  only someone made car radios with buttons and knobs and even include a CD slot. Oh wait day, the ancients in their wisdom had invented such a way to listen to music.

And here it is.

Bring back #3

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bring back | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My Car Died

 

My car just died a sudden and definitive death. Feckity, feck, feck, feck.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: Bad Day | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Mother as a Young Lady

Today was a horrible day. One of my cars started leaking oil. The repair is going to cost a minimum of $1,500 and the handwriting is on the wall for its demise. Maybe it’s as soon as tomorrow. The other car might last another year, Ugh.

Fortunately, a two-week reorganization of the garage, my office, and part of the living room help me uncover this picture of my mom when was especially beautiful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Carnitas

Mexican Entree

CARNITAS

INGREDIENTScarnitas

4 pounds boneless pork shoulder or loin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons lime juice

1 large onion
½ cup fresh cilantro
¼ cup orange juice

3 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 orange
¾ cup shortening or lard
8 9″ or 20 5″ flour tortillas

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

Makes 8 or 16 carnitas depending on size of tortillas. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Chop pork into 1″ cubes using cleaver. Add pork, chili powder, cumin, oregano, salt, and lime juice to large mixing bowl. Turn pork cubes until they are well coated. Cover and let marinate for 30 minutes.

While pork marinates, dice small onion and fresh cilantro. Add diced onion, cilantro and orange juice to small mixing bowl. This is your salsa.

Mince garlic cloves. Cut medium onion into slices ¼” thick. Separate orange into sections. Add shortening to Dutch oven. Melt shortening using medium-high heat. Add marinated pork, garlic, sliced onion, and orange sections. Cook on medium-high heat for 15 minutes or until pork cubes brown on all sides. Stir frequently. Cover Dutch oven and reduce heat to low and simmer for 1½ hours or until pork cubes are tender to the fork. Stir every 5 minutes.

Uncover Dutch oven. Continue to simmer pork/veggies for another 30 minutes or until most of the liquid has evaporated or been absorbed. Microwave all tortillas for 30 seconds. Top each tortilla with an equal amount of pork/veggies and salsa.

TIDBITS

1) It seems hard to believe, but culinary historians assure us that cars were once made with carnitas. It’s true, carnitas is an anagram for satin car.

2) It all goes back to 1910 and Mexico. The tightly knit Mexican aristocracy monopolized the nation’s political power, wealth, and satin. Black satin dresses were all the rage among high society. No wealthy woman would think of appearing in public without one. That was fine. That left just satin for peasant women to wear on weddings, bar mitzvahs, and the such.

3) Then in early 1910, Doña Josefa Enero regarded her Allis Chalmers with disdain. Although her motorman kept the car purring and shiny, something was missing. Something that made her embarrassed to be riding in it in public.

4) “Cinco albondigas!” she shouted. The car was made of metal! A true lady with Spanish blood could not been seen wearing a metallic vehicle. Satin! Satin! She needed to be clothed in a satin car.

5) So, the Eneros ordered a satin car for everyone in their family. Their neighbors, the Tortas, the Flans, and the Ceviches did as well.

6) Naturally, with the whole Mexican elite making their cars out of satin, there was no material left for the peasantry.

7) No satin for the peasantry. No weddings. No bar mitzvahs. No docile peasantry.

8) One evening in early 1910, an angry Nita Menudo dipped six habañero peppers in Doña Febrero’s tea before serving. Her mistress’ mouth erupted in fire. She slapped Nita. Nita ran crying all the way home.

9) Her irate husband, Roberto, took to the hills. Realizing that was useless, he came back.

10) “I will avenge you!” he roared. He clutched a knife and headed to the Febrero estate. The Revolution of 1910 – 1930 had begun.

11) It was a long walk–Nita was always driven–and by the time he got there, he was too tired to attack anyone. He limped home in shame. “We need transportation,” said Roberto’s astute neighbor, Ernesto Flautas, “if we wish to launch raids against our greedy pig masters.”

12) “O drato,” said Roberto, “we have no money to buy metal to make a car. Ai, yi, yi.”

13) “Que frijoles you are,” said Nita. “We have vast herds of wild pigs destroying our crops. Slaughter the pigs and let the meat bake in the hot sun until it becomes tough as metal. Then you make your cars. Then you can attack the rich. Then we can be free.”

14) So, the Mexican peasants made car out of pork. The people called the car “Nitas” after the woman who hatched the idea. Hence, “carnitas.”

15) The Revolution would rage for twenty years. This dish was created to honor the car that won it.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.