Welcome, Vera.
Vera the Virus #1
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Since 1562 French Catholics and Protestant Hugenots had been fighting a series of bloody wars, called “The French Wars of Religion.”
In 1589, Henry IV had became the legal heir to the French throne, after King Henry III was assassinated by a fanatical Catholic monk.
Henry IV was a Huguenot. And, although most of the country accepted him as King, many Catholics, especially those in the essential city of Paris, refused to recognize his authority
Henry solved the political and religious impasse by converting to Catholicism and by this act was allowed to enter Pairs. Legend has it that he told a friend “Paris vaut une messe.” (“Paris is worth a mass.”)
I was taking notes in college on this event. I wrote down, “Paris is worth an ass.” I friend of mine saw my notes and laughed and laughed and laughed. For I had changed the story’s meaning somewhat.
But I stand by what I had honestly heard, Paris really is worth an ass.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
We put a man on the moon. We look at itty-bittiest things in the universe, a muon or some such thing; it’s much smaller than an atom which we can’t see either. We can use our land line to beam a signal to a satellite in geo-synchronous orbit above our very house and bounce the signal back down again to find our cell phone which was in our other hand.
On the third hand, we keep forgetting to take necessary things when we try to leave for work, pick up our kids from soccer practice, or go to the store.
But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.
It’s high time to correct this oversight.
TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE
final exit
Awesome phrase #27
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I did manage to make Hawaiian musubi. It’s a SPAM(tm) rectangle sauteed in mirin/soy sauce, topped by a rectangle of fried, furikake seasoning, a compressed rectangle of sushi rice, all wrapped up by a wide ribbon of nori or seaweed strips. It turned out well.
Things went wrong. The most exciting one was when the little tab thing on the top of the rounded rectangular SPAM tin snapped off. Those tins become much happer to open when that happens.
I spent much of today undoing a malware attack on my computer. It was a mild affair as things go. My browser, Google search, got hijacked and replaced by Yahoo Search, an inferior search engine. No matter how many times I tried to go back to Google Search, it always went back to Yahoo Search. Apparently, techine turdballs are either hoping you’ll click on a site while there which will do bad things to your computer or steer you onto a site so as to drive up its hits to impress advertisers.
This has been happening for too many days in a row. I’m getting rather tired.
– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.
I had a great time meeting the people in my writing group for the first time in about a year. Everything else stank, especially electronics. The cell phone will make unbidden calls to people, but it will not call people who I want to speak to. The cell phone will take pictures but when I try to download them, Yahoo blocks it. I’m not sure where the problem lies, put my GPS system stopped working. I spent 30 minutes being lost. The map of the route didn’t show up on the car’s internet/Bluetooth screen. Then the voice of the GPS stopped working. I got lost going back. My Pandora app would play the music, but not through Bluetooth. Often the song was shown as playing but music could be heard.
I have been fighting electronics for much of the last four days. I am so tired.
Is it too much to ask for something to work? For Anything to work?
– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.
We might think ourselves bad. We might think ourselves good. We’d very much like to be good. We aspire to be magnificent sunbeams.
But are we? Thanks to the amazingly accurate test below we can find out.
An amazing sunbeam will have very few negative traits.
1) Have committed a murder? Give yourself 1 point for each one, Be honest, you get a point for each murder, whether convicted or not. If you have more than ten murders, you might as well stop taking this test right now.
2) Have you committed grevious bodily harm? Give yourself a point for each indictment.
3) Do you habitually block supermarket aisles? One point, if yes.
4) Do you lie on your tax returns? One point, if yes. Our country has a lot of debt. If the treasury cannot pay the government’s debts, it will default on its loans. The financial system will collapse. Revolution will ensue and blood will run in the streets. And it will all be your fault.
5) Are you a spammer? One point, if yes.
6) Are you never bothered to put on the turn indicator before turning? One point if yes.
7) Do you back out of a parking spot without looking? One point if yes.
8) Do you leave the refrigerator open? One point if yes.
9) Do you refuse to have your check filled out as much as you can before getting to the cashier at a supermarket? One point, if yes.
10) Do you litter? One point if yes, Two points if habitually,
11) Do you drive more than ten miles under or ten miles over the speed limit? One point if yes.
12) Are you a telemarketer? One point if yes.
13) Are you a lutefisk vendor? Two points if yes. This is really bad.
14) Do you shoplift? One points if yes.
15) Have you been an owner or a general manager for a major league team that has played worse than .500 ball for each of the last six years? One point if yes.
16) Do you continually talk with a loud voice in a movie theater? One point if yes.
17) Do you order your steaks well done? One point if yes.
18) Did you fail to say “thank you” on July 13? One point if yes.
19) Did you fail to pay your library fines? One point if yes.
20) Have you fomented revolution? One point for each time.
21) Do you misplace the TV remote and make someone else look for it? One point, if yes.
22) Do you come up to people’s front door to sell something? One point, if yes.
23) Are you a habitual rioter? One point if yes.
24) Do you leave your dirty dishes at the table? One point if yes.
YOUR RESULTS
16 or more: Not only are not a magnificent sunbeam, you’re also a throbbing dick. Check into your nearest jail, right away.
13 to 16: Not a throbbing dick, but nowhere near a magnificent sunbeam or even a plain sunbeam.
8 to 12: You could be a sunbeam, if your point total on the positive traits part of this test is good enough.
4 to 7: You could be a magnificent sunbeam, if your point total on the positive traits part of this test is really good.
1 to 3: You are already a sunbeam and most likely a magnificent sunbeam depending how perform on part two of the test.
0: Congratulations! You are already a magnicent sunbeam. You might even be a saint depending on your results from the part.
Well, now you know what you are. Reflect and learn.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The struggle is real.
Awesome Entry #23
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I misread the following news title today:
“A 46,000-year-old worm found in Siberian permafrost was brought back to life, and started having babies”
– Business Insider, July 28, 2023
I really thought for an instant that the sentence went as below. My misreading immediately conjured up startling images.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I started this puzzle at 8am, I think. It’s now 10:30pm
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Nearly all of us, or our friends, have served time in Facebook’s(tm) jail for unwittingly violating community standards. Bereft of social interaction we start to nod off.
But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.
It’s high time to correct this oversight.
TODAY’S AWESOME WORD
metanap
Awesome entry #20
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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