Monthly Archives: September 2023

Good Day/Bad Day

I had a great time meeting the people in my writing group for the first time in about a year. Everything else stank, especially electronics. The cell phone will make unbidden calls to people, but it will not call people who I want to speak to. The cell phone will take pictures but when  I try to download them, Yahoo blocks it. I’m not sure where the problem lies, put my GPS system stopped working. I spent 30 minutes being lost. The map of the route didn’t show up on the car’s internet/Bluetooth screen. Then the voice of the GPS stopped working. I got lost going back. My Pandora app would play the music, but not through Bluetooth. Often the song was shown as playing but music could be heard.

I have been fighting electronics for much of the last four days. I am so tired.

Is it too much to ask for something to work? For Anything to work?

– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.

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Strawberry Cucumber Water

American Appetizer

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STRAWBERRY CUCUMBER WATER

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INGREDIENTS – MAIN
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½ pound strawberries (¼ pound more later)
5″ cucumber (2½” more later)
8 cups water
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INGREDIENTS – GARNISH
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¼ pound strawberries
2½” cucumber
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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mandoline (optional)
colander
2½ quart or larger pitcher
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Serves 8. Takes 30 minutes plus 3 hours to refrigerate
PREPARATION – MAIN
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Remove stems from ½ pound strawberries. Slice strawberries as thinly as you can. Cut 5″ cucumber into slices 1/16″ to ¼” thick. Add strawberry slices, cucumber slices, and water to pitcher. Refrigerate for 3 hours. Strain contents through colander. Discard solids. This is the infused water. Return infused water to pitcher. Keeps for 3 days in refrigerator.
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PREPARATION – GARNISH
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Remove stems from ¼ pound strawberries. Slice strawberries as thinly as you can. Cut 2½” cucumber into slices 1/16″ to ¼” thick. Garnish with strawberries and cucumber slices before serving. Stir 2 times with long wooden spoon.
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TIDBITS
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1) Engineers do extensive analysis before building. This usually includes constructing a scale model and subjecting it to all sorts of tests.
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2) In this case a city, which shall remain nameless, wanted to build a bridge to tout their thriving strawberry and cucumber industries. This meant making the world’s first strawberry/cucumber bridge. Alas, the bridge failed on the very first and simple test. With the strawberry slices collapsing catastrophically under the weight of cucumber slices. (See the submerged red slices above.) A bridge that collapses under the weight of small vegetable slices is likely to collapse under the weight of vehicular traffic and even pedestrian traffic. City planners abandoned the fruit hybrid bridge.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorite Funny TV shows – Part 5

Waiting for its favorite comedy to come on

So many good, funny shows to remember. I’m probably forgetting some great shows. Some I never saw. I enjoyed all the ones in this list. See parts 1 to 4 for more funny shows

Ambassadors
Everybody Loves Raymond
Flintsones
It’s Garry Shandling’s Show
Jerry Seinfeld
Maude
Mork & Mindy
Office, The
On the Move
Saturday Night Live (Can vary wildly from year to year and host to host.)
South Park (Some might find this too crude.)
Trial and Error*
Upstart Crow
Up the Women*
Your Show of Shows

* = Show is side splittingly funny and I wished there had been more episodes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 
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My Favorite Serious TV Shows – Part Five

Serious Man Watches Serious Shows

This is the fifth installment of my favorite, serious TV shows. I’m probably forgetting some great shows. Some I never saw.

Agatha Christie’s Marple
Beyond Paradise
Dangerous Assignment
Death in Paradise*+
Doctor Blake’s Mysteries
Elementary*
Great Courses (Really great lecture series)
Johnny Carson+
Late Night+
Madame Blanc
Mr. Selfridge
Pie in the Sky
Queens of Africa
Shakespeare and Hathaway
Sister Boniface*+
Storyteller*+
Tales of Para Handy+
Time Team+ (Easily the best archeology show. Okay, okay, not much competition, but it’s good.)
Vera

* = I wish there were an unlimited episodes for these shows
+ = Primarily serious, these shows have a strong element of humor as well.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cool Vanilla Latte

American Appetizer

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COOL VANILLA LATTE

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups coffee, cold
⅔ cup sugar
4 cups milk
2 tablespoons vanilla syrup
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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covered pitcher or mason jars equal to 7½ cups
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Serves 6. Takes 10 minutes.
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Note: You can make other Cool Latte flavors by changing the syrup flavor, caramel for example.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to large mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves.  Keep refrigerated.
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TIDBITS
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1) You should make this. It’s so tasty and simple to put together. It’s also economical. I figure using the ingredients I bought that it cost me 4¢ an ounce while the major brands’ versions run 18¢ to 25¢. Making your own tuna sandwich with tuna and mayonnaise is also easy and much cheaper than buying premade ones in the deli. There are many other instances where making your own is cheaper and more satisfying than purchasing processed foods and drinks.
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2) Now, suppose your neighbor is a complete oaf who blasts his music all night and says all sorts of hurtful things. You’d like to make him stop, but he’s much taller and stronger than you. What to do?
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3) The first thing that naturally comes to mind is to get a AH-64e v6 Apache attack helicopter. According to Boeing’s website, “AH-64E v6 is a lethal, survivable and agile system providing the reach, maneuverability and performance needed by ground forces and contributes to current and future joint mission success.” Just what you need for dealing with that next-door brute.
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4) And since I convinced you with the first tidbit to make your own things, you’re going to give building a AH-64e a go. Good for you! Unfortunately, it takes quite a lot of time–much longer than mixing up a Cool Vanilla Latte. Thus, you’re really unlikely to get your chopper up and flying before a dying and rapidly expanding Sun overwhelms the Earth. Especially if you’re unskilled in electronics. No, if you really wish to achieve overwhelming air supremacy over the beastly neighbor, you need to raid your savings account or look under sofa cushions and buy a $130 million AH-64E v6. If that price is too steep for you, wait for Labor Day sales or settle for a v5.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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The Horrible Truth

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Misheard Lyrics of Arethra Franklin

Did any of you ever think Arethra Franklin sang “unnatural” instead of “a natural” in the song “A Natural Woman?” Didn’t it change the meaning of the song just a bit? Indeed.

Misheard Lyrics #6

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef Lasagna

Italian Entree

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BEEF LASAGNA

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INGREDIENTS – PASTA­
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3 cups flour*
2 eggs
1 egg yolk
½ cup water or more
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* = More might be needed for dusting, texture.
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INGREDIENTS – BEEF & CHEESE
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3 garlic cloves
1 white onion
½ cup fresh Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons more later)
½ pound mozzarella cheese
1 cup ricotta cheese
1 pound ground beef
⅓ cup red wine
1 26-ounce jar spaghetti sauce
1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon oregano
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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9-inch x 13-inch baking dish
no-stick pastry mat
rolling pin
hand crank pasta machine
cooking scissors (If your baking dish is 8-inches x 8-inches, for example)
no-stick spray
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION – DOUGH
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Combine 3 cups flour, eggs, egg yolk, and water into large mixing bowl. Knead with hands for 15 minutes. Make a ball of the mixture. It should be only slightly sticky and should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, and try the consistency of the next ball. There may be a number of these iterations but it must be done. Divide dough ball into 3 equal mini-dough balls. Wrap mini-dough balls with plastic wrap and let sit in refrigerator for 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – BEEF & CHEESE
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Grate, Parmesan cheese. Add mozzarella, Parmesan, and ricotta cheeses to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended
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Add ground beef, onion, and garlic to frying pan. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add red wine, spaghetti sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, bay leaf, Italian seasoning, oregano, pepper, salt, and thyme. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
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PREPARATION – PASTA
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This preparation needs to be done 3 times. Dust no-stick pastry mat with flour. Remove 1 dough ball from refrigerator. Keep remaining amount in fridge until needed. Put this ¼ dough ball on pastry mat. Dust rolling pin. Roll out dough into oval shape 5½” wide and ¼” thick. (Anything thicker inhibits dough from going through hand-crank pasta machine.)
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Use pasta machine’s thickest setting. (#1 on mine.) Hold dough vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Turn crank slowly to feed dough oval through roller. Fold resulting dough sheet in half. Cut about ¼” off each side to make it rectangular and thus easier to feed into roller. (This also makes for uniform dough sheets.) Run this folded sheet through roller.
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Dust dough sheet. Set pasta’s setting the next narrower setting. (#2 on mine.) Again, hold dough sheet vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Repeat process, selecting a narrower setting each time, until final pasta sheet is about 1/16″ thick. Repeat entire pasta-sheet preparation until all dough is used. Trim pasta sheets to be 13″ * 4½”. The cutoff pieces of dough can be used to make another sheet.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Grate 2 teaspoons Parmesan. Use no-stick spray on baking dish. Put a layer of lasagna, 2 side-by-side noodles on the dish. If the noodles happen to be longer than your baking dish, snip off the excess length with your scissors. In this recipe, 6 noodles will make one lasagna dish with 2 layers of meat sauce. Reserve about ½ cup meat sauce. Divide remaining meat sauce and cheese equally between layers.
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Cover this 1st layer of noodles with a layer of meat sauce and a layer of cheese. Add a 2nd
layer of noodles, meat sauce, and cheese. Add a 3rd layer of noodles. Spoon just a little meat sauce atop the top layer along with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Put glass lid or aluminum foil on top of baking dish. Cook lasagna in covered baking dish in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Cook uncovered for an additional 15 minutes or until bubbly. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes more.
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TIDBITS
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1) Beef lasagna with homemade noodles takes a lot preparation. I believe it’s worth it. The texture of the homemade noodles far surpasses what you would get from using dry, premade noodles.
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2) Still, it’s lot of continual work. So, be nice to the chef who makes this dish. In fact, lavish gifts would be appropriate.
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3) You might even proposing marriage to the chef who makes this entree. Could you do better with any other eligible bachelor or bachelorette? No, I didn’t think so.
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4) This dish is also complicated for the restaurant. Add in the cost of the beef and cheeses and you can see why can be expensive to order lasagna.
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5) Humor break!
Q: Why did the chicken cross to the other side?
A: It didn’t. It was on a Mobius strip.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
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6) The following are dishes that I’ve made that require a fair amount of preparation or regular monitoring.
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7) Tamales. Why that’s just a lot of corn floury stuff and lead pencil’s worth of filling. Should be cheap. Then you try to make it by hand.
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8) Mincemeat pies. As with this dish, Beef Lasagne, there’s a lot of fuss make the pastry.
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9) Ravioli. Lasagna’s cousin. You make the pasta the same way. However, you still have to form the individual raviolo–Yes, that is indeed the singular form of ravioli–one way or another from the pasta sheets.
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10) Enough of the complicated dishes. Let’s have something easy. Okay, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That surely is the simplest thing to make. Or is it?
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11) Peanut butter sandwich.
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12) Two slices of bread.
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13) One slice of bread.
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14) Nothing on a plate. The virtue of the this dish arises from its utter simplicity in preparation and ingredients. You will never, I guarantee it, need to dash off to the store for a missing ingredient. You might never have on hand some rare herb, but you will always have something of nothing on hand and that’s something. Also, there’s no greater friend to the would-be dieter. There’s literally no calories in nothing.
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15) There’s one more simplification. Dispense with the plate. Serve your nothing on nothing. Nothing on nothing remains the most transportable dish ever devised. There you go.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Deep Thought Man Ponders Home

We’ve all had these thoughts.

Deep thought #12

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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You Need to See a Bunny Eating a Flower

Is anything more soothing as a bunny eating a flower?
There’s one below.

Bunny! Because it’s in all our genes to say, “Bunny!” whenever we see one.

You need to see #31

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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