Monthly Archives: October 2012

Italian Pork Chops

Posted on October 21, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

ITALIAN PORK CHOPS

INGREDIENTS

4 pork loin chops
1 red bell pepper
2 garlic cloves
1 onion
1 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons butter
1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes, Italian style
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1/2 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon thyme
8 ounces mozzarella cheese

PREPARATION

Remove bone from pork loins. (My wife doesn’t like bone in pork. Good enough for me.) Remove seeds and whitish stuff from inside of red bell pepper. Cut pepper into 8 rings. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Cover both sides of pork loins with pepper. Melt butter in frying pan. Saute pork in frying pan on medium heat until both sides are brown and inside is no longer pink.

(Unless you’re experienced, the best way to see if the inside of the pork is pink is to cut off a piece and see. If the piece has turned white inside then the best thing to do is eat it. If it tastes great, try tasting the other pork loins. You might want to sample the other side of the loins as well. And if your diligent sampling gets out of hand and the pork loins in the pan are shrinking visibly, that is why we chefs cover everything in sauce. No one need ever know how much you ate.)

Add tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, marjoram, oregano, rosemary, sage, thyme, and onion to the pork loins. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer with lid on for about 8 minutes.

Put 2 red bell pepper rings on top of each pork loin. Put about 1 ounce of mozzarella inside each bell pepper ring. Put lid back on and cook at medium-high heat for about 4 minutes or until cheese starts to melt.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe has sage, rosemary, and thyme in it.

2) Dagnab it. No parsley! I was so close to making a dish with “parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.”

3) This line is from the famous Simon and Garfunkel song, which was also a medieval ballad.

4) Much thought has gone in the meaning of the four spices in this song.

5) Three schools of thought predominate.

6) First school believes mixing parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme together makes a love charm. Before you stampede the local supermarket, remember that we no longer believe this… Oh what the heck, go for it!

7) Second school notes that these ingredients were used in Four Thieves Vinegar to ward off the Plague.

8) The third school of thought says, “I dunno.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Thai Burger Wrap

Posted on October 20, 2012 by pauldelancey

Thai Entree

THAI BURGER WRAP

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds turkey meat
1 medium carrot, about 1/4 cup
3 stalks green onions, about 1/4 cup
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
2 garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 tablespoon peanut oil
1/4 cup fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons mayonnaise

romaine or iceberg lettuce

PREPARATION

Mix top ingredients thoroughly by hand. Make patties. Fry patties on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, flipping them once. Wrap patty with a leaf of romaine lettuce. Wash hands before greeting dinner guests, likable or not.

TIDBITS

1) Steve Martin was a romaine-lettuce salesman appearing on a Saturday Night Live takeoff of Family Feud.

2) Thailand used to be called Siam. The musical, The King and I, was set in Thailand. The non-fiction book, on which it was based, is much more serious in tone.

3) Thailand was never conquered by the Europeans.

4) At one time, Thailand’s new army officers were required to master golf.

5) Golf is a good way to learn cussing.

6) There is no 6).

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Aigo Boulido Soup From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on October 19, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Soup

AÏGO BOULIDO

INGREDIENTS

1 head or bulb of garlic (The number of cloves will vary.)
2 cups water
4 thin slices of French bread (Baguette style is best.)
4 tablespoons grated Pecorino Romano cheese (Plain Romano cheese will do. And yes, Italian cheeses are allowed in a French dish.)
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon olive oil

(Makes two bowls)

PREPARATION

Peel and mince all the cloves in the head of garlic. (If the number of cloves in the head of garlic varies from head to head, will the intensity of the garlic taste vary as well? Yes, it will. Either way, this is a dish best eaten after a job interview.)

Pour 2 cups water into pot. Add minced garlic and cook on high for 15 minutes. Keep lid on to avoid evaporation. Monitor occasionally to avoid boiling over. Add bay leaf and sage. Stir.

While the garlic and water is cooking for 15 minutes, toast four slices of bread. Try to cut them as thin as you would for a sandwich. Sprinkle olive oil on both sides of toasted slices. Sprinkle 1/2 tablespoon Pecorino cheese on each side of each slice. Do this over a soup bowl so that the cheese that doesn’t stick on the bread falls into the bowl.

Put two bread slices into each of two bowls. Pour garlic/water mix into bowls. Add 1/4 teaspoon olive oil to the surface of the soup, but don’t mix it in.

Bon goût.

TIDBITS

1) “Taste great, less filling” translates into French as “Bon goût, moins de remplissage.” Not as catchy, is it?

2) Foreign cookbooks can be so darned vague. Augh! Augh! Augh! There, I feel better now. I hope this version is clear.

3) The French sure like garlic and onions. Mais oui.

4) The average American eats about twenty-one pounds of onion a year. Libya leads the world with an average of sixty-seven pounds per person per year.

5) America is a robust republic. Culinary political analysts fear the new Libyan republic will be on shaky ground unless it brings its per capita onion consumption below fifty pounds.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Baked Garlic Squash From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on October 18, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BAKED GARLIC SQUASH

INGREDIENTS

1 big butternut squash
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons fresh parsley
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM
1/2 teaspoon herbes de Provence
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Cut off skin of squash. Remove pulpy bottom of squash and discard. (Put in recycling bin if your community recycles squash pulp.) Cut remaining squash into one-inch cubes. Melt butter. Mince garlic cloves.

Mix butter, olive oil, parsley, garlic, salt, vegetable spice, herbes de Provence, and Parmesan cheese in 2-quart baking dish. Add squash cubes. Stir and turn cubes until they are well coated with the mix.

Bake dish at 425 degrees for about 50 minutes or until squash is tender.

TIDBITS

1) Don’t waste this tasty dish on kids who might look at it and say, “Ew, squash. I don’t like squash. I won’t eat it.” Good. More for you.

2) The USDA said that a 3/4 bushel of small, Georgian yellow crookneck squash costs from $8.00 to $10.35.

3) Some raw squashes can make men jealous. They’re probably the ones that cost $10.35.

4) Squash is a fruit and was never reclassified by the Reagan administration to become a vegetable.

5) George Washington enjoyed growing butternut squash. It is doubtful that our Revolutionary War against England would have been won without him.

5) The Confederate soldiers in the Army of the Tennessee were called “butternuts” because used dye from the butternut walnut to color their uniforms. The South lost the Civil War.

6) The popularity of the butternut walnut declined forever in the post-war South.

7) Well, it could have happened.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Police Try to Arrest Me At Last Night’s Presidential Debates

Posted on October 17, 2012 by pauldelancey

Wake up America

Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate for Bacon & Chocolate Party says, “The only reason I didn’t get arrested was that I got lost going there and didn’t want to ask for directions. I drowned my sorrows with two root beers at a local Mc’Ds and went home. When I got back home, I  heard the police were waiting for me and got the Green Party instead.”

-From the Huffington Post:

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein was arrested outside of Hofstra University on Tuesday after she attempted to enter the debate grounds.

According to Stein’s campaign press statement, Stein and running mate Cheri Honkala joined supporters outside the Hofstra campus at 2 p.m., where Stein declared: “We are here to bring the courage of those excluded from our politics to this mock debate, this mockery of democracy.” When they started to walk onto the debate grounds, they were stopped by police officers, and then the two women sat down on the ground.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Salsa!

Posted on October 17, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

SALSA!

INGREDIENTS

1 large red tomato
1/2 onion
1/2 green chile
1 jalapeño chile
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
3 avocados
1/2 garlic clove or one small one
1/2 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 tablespoon lime juice
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 1/4 teaspoons cider vinegar
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Makes 1 quart of delicious salsa.

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes, onion, green chile, jalapeño, cilantro and avocados. Mince garlic clove. Mix these ingredients in large bowl with whisk. Add olive oil, lime juice, vinegar, oregano, salt, and black pepper. Mix again with fork or whisk.

Serve with tortilla chips, rolled corn tortillas with beans, or by itself.

This is a forgiving dish. It is easy to add more of any ingredient at any time to improve the taste. (No, don’t add lutefisk, noooooo!)

TIDBITS

1) Authentic salsa is always fresh.

2) Salsa is a type of music. Ketchup is not.

3) Salsa, the movie, was made in 1988 and directed by Boaz Davidson. Leonard Maltin gives it two out of four stars.

4) The Old Testament’s Book of Ruth has Boaz marrying Ruth after some cloak spreading. The movie, Story of Ruth, was made in 1960 and starred Stuart Whitman. Leonard Maltin gives it 2.5 stars.

5) Stuart Whitman was more well known for his movie roles as a cowboy such as in the 1961 movie, The Comancheros.

6) It’s unclear even after on-line search if Stuart Whitman liked salsa.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Run For Senator, Governor, Or Whatever On The Bacon & Chocolate Party Ticket

Posted on October 16, 2012 by pauldelancey

We’ve all seen the horrible gridlock that threatens to send our great nation’s economy over the cliff. Sure, it’s becoming more and more likely the American voters will elect me, Paul De Lancey as our nation’s president. But what about Congress? Will Democrats and Republicans humiliated by the loss of the presidency to the darkest of dark horses work with me to restore greatness and tranquility to this mighty land? Heck, no. They’ll block him and the will of the people at every turn

unless….

Bacon & Chocolate wins control of the Senate and the House of Representatives in November. We can only do that if you run for Representative, Senator, or even the humble spot of governor. Please declare your candidacy on the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Do it for America. Do it today.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Bacon & Chocolate Will Win The Election

Posted on October 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

Remember Bacon & Chocolate’s slogan:

“If you’re going to waste your vote, why not waste it on Bacon & Chocolate?”

Now take the case of California. President Obama is set to win by California and its fifty plus electoral votes by a huge number of votes. There is no reasonable scenario having Romney win this state. So, all Romney supporters will feel free to waste their votes on Bacon & Chocolate because well, they like Bacon & Chocolate. All the Obama supporters, certain in their knowledge of an insurmountable lead over the Republican candidate will also feel at liberty to caste wasted ballots for me, Paul De Lancey, the candidate for Bacon & Chocolate.

This reasoning will result in darn near 97% of all voters wasting their ballots on Bacon & Chocolate. I will carry California in a landslide. I will win ever state that is not a swing state. People will vote me and Bacon & Chocolate into the White House in one of the greatest thumpings of all time.

This is the dawning of the Bacon & Chocolate Era.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fish-Stick Fajitas

Posted on October 14, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

FISH-STICK FAJITAS

INGREDIENTS

12 fish frozen sticks
2 garlic cloves
1 medium white onion
1 green bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon TabascoTM sauce
1 teaspoon red chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon coriander
3/4 teaspoon Seafood MagicTM spice
6 small flour tortillas
1/2 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses

UTENSILS

No-stick frying pan
A lazy Susan, about 24 inches across, if you can find one.

PREPARATION

Cook fish sticks according to instructions on package. Use food processor to mince garlic cloves. Use knife to slice the onion and all bell peppers into rings. Then cut rings into fourths.

Pour vegetable oil and lime juice into no-stick frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat. Saute one at a time the following ingredients: onion, green bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, and red bell pepper. (Saute means to leap in French. You will leap too if the oil gets on you. Always be careful.) Put each ingredient in its own bowl. Put bowls on lazy Susan, again if you have one. Add more vegetable oil and lime juice if you run out while sauteing all the ingredients.

Whisk together in small bowl: chili powder, cumin, coriander, and Seafood spice. Apportion equally over the onion and bell-pepper bowls. Put an equal amount of TabascoTM sauce, about two drops in each bowl.

Heat each tortilla in microwave for 12 seconds. Put a tortilla with 2 fish sticks on each plate. Let the guests take as much of the onions and bell peppers as desired.

TIDBITS

1) Many believe Sonny Falcon operated the first fajita stand in Texas in 1969.

2) The word “fajita” entered the Oxford English Dictionary in 1971. Way to go, Falcon.

3) So, fajitas are not technically Mexican, but Tex-Mex.

4) TabascoTM sauce is not Mexican either. It comes from Avery Island in Louisiana and is used extensively in Cajun food.

5) The TabascoTM company was formed by the McIlhenny family, presumably not Mexicans, in 1868.

6) Mr. McIlhenny’s first instinct was to name it “Petite Anse Sauce,” but everyone else objected. Good for them.

7) Before 1863, the family made its fortune from the salt mines on Avery Island. However, in that year, Union soldiers destroyed the mines, leaving only a crop of hot peppers. Those peppers became the genesis of the TabascoTM company.

8) So, a lot of culinary good came out of the Civil War.

9) You should visit the TabascoTM factory on Avery Island. Don’t leave without going through the island’s Jungle Gardens, which boasts of a wonderful collection of flowers, birds, and alligators which can scoot as fast as 25 mph.

10) Only the alligators there scurry up to 25 mph. Don’t infer from the last sentence of 9) that flowers in Avery, Louisiana can move that fast. Flowers there and indeed everywhere else in that state are rather sedentary.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Presidential Candidate Makes Bold Campaign Promise

Posted on October 12, 2012 by pauldelancey

“If I am elected, all computer printers will always work. They will never jam.”

 

– Mr. Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate party.

 

 

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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