Peas porridge cold.
Peas porridge hot.
Peas porridge scalding.
Peas porridge fiery
Are my now volcanic peas
Hot from global warming?
No! The Earth is spiralling toward the Sun.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Poetry is hard.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Peas porridge hot
Peas porridge hot.
Aw, to heck with it.
There’s no plot.
No character development.
I’m taking my poem
And going home.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
SAUSAGES
“Bite me! Bite me!”
Said the habañero sausage.
“No, I won’t. You’lle see,”
Said the fair, young maiden.
“You will! You will!”
Said the habañero sausage.
“Okay, I’ll eat me fill.”
Said the fair, young maiden.
And she did. She did a lot.
And her breath became fiery hot.
Munching her way through the woods.
To granny’s house with her goods.
“Give me, give me, your basket good,”
Said the big, bad wolf mean all through
But deadly Little Red Riding Hood
Killed him with one flaming breath, not two.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Bovine warrior
.
Praise to the noble cow.
Its flesh gives us beef.
Its hide gives us baseballs.
Its udder gives us milk.
What does the cow get from us?
A little bit of food in a small pen.
Artificial insemination.
Then we kill it with whirling knives.
Bovine silence can’t be good.
It’s thinking up something.
Chomping. Chomping. Plotting revenge.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The saddest words in Tierra del Fuego are,
“There are no more Eggos(tm).”
On November eighteenth*, or so
Eggo land was flooded, not from snow.
Not even if you got in your Winnebago(tm)
And drove from here to great Ohio
And even stoppoed in far-off Reno,
You’d find no stores with Eggo.
O my! O my! No Eggo! No Eggo!
Not even for those with lumbago.
So dry out soon, o wondrous dough.
Then shall our buttery smiles grow.
* = I wrote this poem some years ago. I don’t remember the year. Poems are hard.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Loving Poem #14
My love is like a red, red rose
Covered with green, green aphids.
Hurry! Quick!
Spray my red, red rose with Aphids B-Gon(tm).
Now my red, red rose is aphid free.
At least metaphorically so.
Did using the Aphids B-Gon
Pollute the love garden of the world?
Boy, I hope not!
Love is complicated.
Isn’t it?
Metaphors too.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Can’t hear you. My ears are hairy.
Now that I’m getting older
Hair will grow longer in my ears.
I’d rather not have it happen.
Does it help the cause of evolution?
Bread slices evolved o’er the years
To hold PB&J, roast beef,
And chili cheese dogs, too.
But why hair in men’s ears?
At least we now have an excuse.
Sorry, boss. Sorry, dears.
We can’t hear you ‘cuz
There’s hair in our ears.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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