Posts Tagged With: IRS

I Simplify the Federal Income Tax Form

I hate paying taxes. Everybody does. I do, however, realize we need taxes to pay for many necessary things such as the military and infrastructure. No, what really gets my goat is that frigging complicated tax form. With all the schedules that go along with the main page, a taxpayer could easily fill out over 30 pages. You’ll need to hire a tax preparer. That’ll run you hundreds of dollars. And that’s after spending three days assembling all the information. What makes it even more horrible is that the IRS scans all the returns looking for mistakes.

Looking for mistakes. Let that sink in. That means they already have the numbers you need to type in on the forms. And they will tell you when they think–no, when they now–you are wrong. What can be done to fix all this madness and frustration?

I’m glad you asked. Let the IRS do your taxes for you, They know what they want on your forms, schedules, and attachments anyway. I hereby propose a new and quite simple form to replace all the tree-devouring pages you used to submit.

It’s called the 1040-P. (P stands for Paul, me. I created this glorious, time saving, liberating page. I deserve some recognition.)

Anyway, I give you the 1040-P

 

I see a Nobel prize in my future.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Why Can’t the IRS Fill Out Our Tax Forms?

Well, why not?

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Thoughts For The End Of The World

December 21, 2012 has come and gone in the Eastern Hemisphere. No Mayan Apocalypse for them. Hurray! However, we in the Hemisphere could still die at any time today from a rogue planet slamming into the Earth.

Bummer.

While I entertain doubts on the Eastern Hemisphere surviving unscathed a rogue planet slamming into the Western Hemisphere, let us assume the Mayans were right. After all, their calendar looks quite similar to an Oreo and we all know how wonderful Oreos are. Also, the Mayans correctly predicted the demise of the Twinkie. Enough said on that. Let’s see if we can all find reasons to be happy about the demise of the Western Hemisphere:

1) You won’t have to do anymore laundry.

2) You won’t have to pick up your kid from school. Fighting your way through crazed moms picking up their little Timmys and Janes can be hell.

3) You won’t have to assemble all your receipts for the IRS.

4) You won’t have to pay the IRS anything.

5) No more phone calls from telemarketers.

6) No worries about zombie apocalypse. The rogue planet will obliterate all zombies, if any.

7) You won’t have to do laundry.

8) Your credit card’s billing cycle ends after the apocalypse. Buy, buy, buy!

9) No more spam from Nigerians offering to give you millions.

10) No more full-body scams at the airport from friends at the TSA.

11) No more rush-hour traffic.

12) No more laundry.

13) No worries about nuclear Armageddon.

14) No more sequels to Fifty Shades of Gray.

15) No more lutefisk.

16) No more visits to the dentist.

17) No more ads for Depends.

18) No more long checkout-lines at the supermarket.

19) No more freezing of your computer.

20) No more political campaigns.

See, you’re smiling again. Happy End of the Western Hemisphere To You Day.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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