Posts Tagged With: dictionary

The Excitement on My Office Desk

As you can see, I have a rather exciting desk.

The position of pride is a Christmas card of my brother and I when he was 5 and I was 3. I was in nursery school and was just delighted with it.

Directly in back of the Christmas card is the dictionary my mother was given when she was 13.

In front of the dictionary is  my trusty keyboard.

To the left of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is Satan’s favorite spawn, the printer.

To the right of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is my resolute computer.

The exciting bits are on top of the dictionary. They are:

My dancing Jesus. It jiggles whenever something bumps the desk.

A music-box squirrel. It plays “If I Could Talk to the Animals.” The squirrel reminds me of the deeds and sacrifices of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron.

An octopus on a trampoline. It likes to keep fit.

An exacto knife. I’ll use to defend myself in the, hopefully unlikely, event of terrorists bursting to my office.

A small flashlight. There are no batteries in it. The flashlight mainly functions as a conversation pieces.

An orange frog. It’s the muscle of the bunch and keeps the other critters in line.

A brown mastodon and a white mastodon. The mastodon is my spirit animal.

An orange soccer player. He’s going to head the ball in to the goal.

A porcupine.

A dachsund.

A monkey.

A blue baby dinosaur. Finally, proof that blue dinosaurs existed.

An orange cat. It’s huge. It’s head alone is as big as a dinosaur.

To the right of the dictionary is a huge, silver monkey. He is Sergeant Padraig O’Toole. He’s with the military police of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron. No squadron squirrels misbehaves when he’s around. The good sergeant is also a nutcracker, so you can imagine the fear he inspires.

To the far right of the picture is my organizer, full of: magnifying glasses, magic markers, pencils, pencils, memory stcks, and other things.

So much excitement in front of me. What is there is the outside world to rival elegant joy of my desk?

 

 

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word – Noootice

How many times has this happened to you? You spent hours alphabetizing the spices and herbs. And you poured this ingredients into smaller, smarter looking containers. Perhaps you balanced the checkbook. Maybe you weeded that bit of land to the side of the house, where no one can see it. Will people appreciate it?

No. No one noticed and no one will notice.

We need a  word for this feeling of having your achievement being totally overlooked.

And the portmanteau from the words: NO One will nOtice yields

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Noootice

 

Awesome entry #55

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase – Droney Man

How many times has this happened to you? You’re at a lecture in college. You barely care about the subject, but you vow to endure the professor’s monotonic delivery. Will he ever stop? Many years later, you wonder if he ever did. Maybe you spontaneously teleported away while in a deep stupor. My gosh, how he droned droned on.

We need a word for this sort of man.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Droney Man

 

Awesome entry #52 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay, Plato | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cat Type

How many times has this happened to you? You’re typing up a rather important document. Perhaps it’s to be an instruction manual for a revolutionary space mission for NASA. Perhaps your work will go on the teleprompter for your President’s State of the Union speech. That’s all well and good, for what you wrote is sheer brilliance. Unfortunately, the document that emailed also includes the following enigmatic lines entered by your cat as it walked across your keyboard,

“gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9
fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd”

If this bit gets included in your NASA report, they will most likely ask what sort of a part that is.

If it makes it to the teleprompter for the State of the Union speech, will she spot the mistake and adlib? If she reads these lines as is, will her opposing party come out against, “”gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9 fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd?”

We need a phrase for this event.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cat Type

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Awesome entry #50

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrases: Trash Read and Retrash Read.

How many thousands of times has this happened to you? You take a frozen package out of the freezer. You take the food out of the package. You then throw the packaging into the trash bin. Oops. You haven’t read the instructions, have you?

So, you fish the package out of the trash bin. And you leave it until you’ve followed all the instructions.

We need phrases for both these scenarios.

And now there are:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASES

Trash Read and Retrash Read

Awesome entry #49

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Gravitational Experiment

How many times a day has this happened to you? An apple that was in your hands is now on the floor. Or milk that was all the way to the top of the glass is now spreading on the tablecloth.

The most common explanation for these two events is that you dropped the apple and knocked over the glass of milk. You, are in fact, clumsy.

This reasoning is most unkind. Being called a klutz damages your soul. You get depressed. You’re not even allowed to deal with your grief, your destroyed self esteem, by weeping over the growing puddle of milk. “Don’t cry over spilt milk.” Not only that some former friend will say, “Boy, are you clumsy?” And you are most certainly that. And yet, society denies you the release of sobbing. You find yourself abandoning complete sentences in favor of. Sentence fragments. And we all know sentence fragments are Devil’s gateway to murderous deeds.

However, your downward spiral into gratuitous slaying is isn’t inevitable.

Yay.

We need to change the word clumsiness, even the phrases dropping things and spilling thing. We need an impressive word, scientific words even, to be used instead.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Gravitational Experiment

 

Awesome entry #48

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Liquidating

How many times has this happened to you? You’ve spent a week’s pay taking the one who makes your skip to the oh so elegant Mille Oiseaux. You yearn to impress, but you ruin the candlelight dinner by knocking over a candle. The flame from the candle sets the tablecloth on fire. Soon you and your date have progressed to a tablelit dinner. The ravenous flame spreads to the rest of the patio. Fire leaps to hairdos kept in place with cans of hairspray. Whoosh! Panic panic. Flame-bearing people cram the exits.

Firemen charge into the patio. They unleash tsunamis of water over the widespread flames. Just to be safe, the burly firemen blanket diners and tables with foam. Your sweetheart, you, and everyone else now look like the Michelin Man. Dresses are ruined. Tuxes are ruined. Things could not possibly get any worse.

Well no. The police, guardians of the law, arrest you and your date and haul you away in separate squad cars. As the door shuts on your date, you hear the shriek, “I hate you. I hate you to death. You fecking piece of shite.” You sense the moment to impress has gone.

As you can see, dating can be stressful.

You try speed dating. That’s stressful too. You have only five minutes to charm. But the bean burrito you wolfed down at lunch comes back to haunt you. You let rip a particulary stinky and sonorus fart. The fart gasses greet the lit candles. Whoosh! Where moments ago there had only been life sustaining air, there is now an immense fart fireball. The fireball spreads everywhere. You grab your date by the hand and say, “Come this way. We need to leave before the police come to arrest us.” Strange to say, you do not awe your date with your expertise and solicitude. In fact, you never go out again.

As you can see, all forms of dating can be stressful.

But wait, there is one form of dating that’s sweeping the nation, trending even. In this lucky event, the partners meet each other in a pool. There’s no fancy clothes to prepare. There’s no candles to burn down everyone. Just dog paddling, gazing into each other’s eyes, and falling in love.

If only there were a word to describe dating in a pool  And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

Liquidating

 

Awesome entry #47

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Cwont

Buying a major appliance, while expensive, can be exciting. You’re tired of washing clothes by hand. You look forward to reading a good book while the washer works its magic. You anticipate hitting the open road with your spiffy new car. The list goes on and on. So do your calls with customer service. You find yourself believing the person on the other end of the phone will be imprisoned if you’re helped. But this experience pales in comparison to the soul-sucking horror of trying to get service at the place where you made your major purchase, a dealership for example. You go round and round with the service people. At every turn, you discover they can’t fix your car. And if they can fix your vehicle, you find out that they won’t.

If only there were a word to describe this implaccable lack of help. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cwont

Awesome entry #46

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: definition, Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cookie Health Care

Surgeries are scary. And taking pills can be just as intimidating. Sure, you might start with one, but before you know it you’ll need a backhoe to lift your daily pills into your mouth. You can wait in a doctor’s office for up to an hour to hear his five-minute opinion. Moreover, all these paths to better health can be expensive, And do health-care avenues ever make you happy?

No.

But what makes us feel better? And is inexpensive?

Cookies.

Cookies make you feel better. We love people who give us gifts. When have we even felt love when wheeled into the surgery room? When given pills?

Never.

But cookies make us feel better. Cookies let us know people care about how we feel. Cookies improve our outlook and so, our mental health.

If only there were a  phrase to describe this great cure. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cookie Health Care

Awesome entry #45

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Madmad

How many times has this happened to you? You can’t stand your job. Your spouse ran off with a tomato trader. There’s nothing on TV once you get home.  Or perhaps, just perhaps, you feel a vague unease that life has passed you by and that you’ve checked off none of the items on your bucket list.

Then the pressure that’s building for years overwhelms your equilibrium. You say, “Screw it. I’m moving to Madagascar. Today. I am.” And you do.

If only there were a word to describe this process.

And now we have.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

MADMAD

Awesome entry #43

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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