Angry Avocado #3
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
We need to know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
FIRST BATCH
2 cups garlic bread
2 garlic cloves
½ avocado
½ green bell pepper
1 7 ounce can red beans
1 7 ounce can pork and beans
1 7 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 15 ounce can condensed tomato soup
15 ounces water
½ cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
½ cup grated Romano cheese
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon chopped chives
¼ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon parsley flakes
⅛ teaspoon ground mustard
⅛ teaspoon tarragon
SECOND BATCH
½ pound ground turkey
⅛ teaspoon white pepper
⅛ teaspoon rosemary
⅛ teaspoon sesame seed
2 eggs
SPECIAL UTENSIL
Large soup pot or saucepan
PREPARATION
Cut the garlic bread into 1-inch cubes. Mince the garlic cloves. Remove the skin and pit of the avocado, and cut the yummy remaining part into ½-inch cubes. Mince the green bell pepper.
Add all ingredients listed under first batch to soup pot. Cook on medium heat. Stir frequently enough to keep soup from burning on the bottom before the top gets hot.
(Take a break to consider how beer saved the world.)
Use clean hands to mix second batch of ingredients: ground turkey, white pepper, rosemary, and sesame seed. Cook on medium-high heat. Transfer to soup pot after turkey meat changes from pink to white.
Add eggs after soup gets hot. Stir thoroughly with fork so eggs blend in. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes. This soup is great.
TIDBITS
1) This was originally called “Paul’s Refrigerator Soup” as many of the ingredients came from my refrigerator, but it tastes so good that I went with Tuscan Sunset.
2) Garlic bread, in particular, was taking over the fridge and blocking the view of everything behind it.
3) The food behind the garlic would have spoiled and eventually mutated into all sorts of new life forms.
4) Who’s to say these life forms wouldn’t have evolved into ravenous carnivores?
5) So, I might have saved my family with this soup. And my goodness, it’s tasty.
6) The food of the ancient Romans was simpler. They were often called “porridge eaters” after the blandness of their cuisine.
7) In their defense, these Romans possessed no refrigerators.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Archer Woman #8
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I leak. Buy PlastoWiz.
Poway, WPI – Drinking Skulls
The Industrial Revolution came yesterday to the wizard-warlord society of Poway. All Powegians are buzzing over the introduction of PlastoWiz’s(tm) plastic drinking skulls. And not a moment too soon for the murderous warlord, Two Axes.
Says Chief Two Axes, “Ah, you’ve heard it all before. Those human skulls leaked too much. It was always the same story. You’ve just given a great speech in the great hall telling of great deeds of valor done against your worthy foe, when you try to drink your foe’s blood out of his skull.
“The skull leaks blood through the cracks between the cranial plates. And my Fenks, don’t forget the torrent of blood gushing through the empty eye sockets. Before you can say, ‘Frimth N’bosh’ you’re soaked with blood. Everyone laughs at you. You lose your warriors’ respect.
“Someone always challenges you to a duel of supremacy. You have to kill him. The feast goes downhill rapidly after that by Frimth, by the end of the night your warriors are stealing the silver plates.
“Thank Frimth for PlastoWiz’s plastic skulls. Not a crack in them, not one. And those pesky eye sockets aren’t a problem anymore. Why with the two plastic socket plugs, a warrior chief can drink blood without shaming himself. And those plugs can also keep the water in the bath tup. Why, I killed two water carriers this morning. Didn’t heed them anymore. Saved money.
“Thank you, PlastoWiz.(tm)”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
.
INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
2 eggs
1 cup bread crumbs
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon marjoram
½ teaspoon thyme
1½ pounds ground turkey
1½ tablespoons olive oil
4 tablespoons flour
2 cups chicken broth
3 teaspoons tomato sauce
3 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
½ pound little-shell pasta (or another variety, if you prefer.)
brick for keeping this cook book open to this page
Makes 6 to 8 Salisbury steaks.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic cloves. Use hands to mix minced garlic, eggs, bread crumbs, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, and turkey in large mixing bowl. Form 6 to 8 patties.
Cook pasta according to instructions on package, or boil it for 5-to-7 minutes.
Meanwhile back at the range, pour oil into first of two frying pans. Add patties. Fry on medium-high heat for about 3 minutes on each side or until meat is no longer pink. Cover and keep warm.
While pasta and patties are cooking, add flour, chicken broth, tomato sauce, and Worcestershire sauce to another frying pan. Fry for about 5 minutes at medium-high heat, or until the sauce starts to boil. Stir frequently. Add cooked patties to this frying pan. Cook patties and sauce at low-medium heat for about 3 minutes.
Serve patties and sauce on top of cooked pasta. Yum.
TIDBITS
1) Salisbury steak was one of my favorites at the university cafeteria.
2) Liver and onions was my least favorite. They weren’t prepared well, so no one ever ate them. Well, maybe a few desperate vampires, but they usually dropped out of the university in their freshmen year due to most classes taking place in the daytime.
3) I rapidly learned never, NEVER, to eat the “Chef’s Surprise.” The only surprise about this dish is why people ever ate it. It was usually some gross dish that the chef had left over from the previous dinner. I owe my hold on sanity to forgetting the specifics of these meat masses.
4) On “Chef Surprise” nights, we usually ate at the University’s burger and hot-dog joint.
5) Pancakes at the university tasted well enough, but they were powerful hard to digest. I think some of them could have doubled as cannon balls.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Apparently God has a name and it’s given in the Lord’s Prayer.
.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Many people thought a line in the Christmas hymn “Away in a Manger” had a startingly vivid depiction of bovine violence toward the Christ child. Instead of hearing, “The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes,” they thought the lyrics went,
Misheard Hymn #3
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1½ pounds turkey meat
1 medium carrot, about ¼ cup
3 stalks green onion
¼ teaspoon sesame oil
½ teaspoon chili powder
2 garlic cloves
½ teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon peanut oil
¼ cup fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons mayonnaise
romaine or iceberg lettuce
PREPARATION
Mince garlic cloves. Mix all top ingredients thoroughly by hand. Make about 4 patties. Fry patties on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, flipping them once. Wrap patty with a leaf of romaine lettuce. Wash hands before greeting dinner guests, likable or not.
TIDBITS
1) Steve Martin was a romaine-lettuce salesman appearing on a Saturday Night Live takeoff of Family Feud.
2) Thailand used to be called Siam. The musical, The King and I, was set in Thailand. The non-fiction book, on which it was based, is much more serious in tone.
3) Thailand was never conquered by the Europeans.
4) At one time, Thailand’s new army officers were required to master golf.
5) Golf is a good way to learn cussing.
6) There is no 6).
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Yummy Brand knows we like broth and have oodles of uses for it.
Yummy Brand knows we love tacos.
Yummy Brand asks why not have both?
Thank you, Yummy Brand!
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 