– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I suffer a bit from dyslexia and from the fact that my eyes often don’t work well together. This makes reading harder for me. So I’ve been experimenting with the following font. I find it easier to read, but it takes up nearly twice the space. Any future cookbooks and novels would take up to twice as many pages and thus cost twice as much.
1) Do you think the new font is easier to read?
2A) Do you think making the cookbook or novel twice as long a deal breaker?
2B) The same, but if you a dyslexic?
I’m sorry it’s so blurry. I’ve spent a lot of time on this font and more time to get it to show on this blog.
– Paul De Lancey
Man of music, man of rage
Sorry this post had to be filed via a time machine, but I got into a fistfight with Santa Claus. He came down the chimney in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Harry Truman was still president when the chimney was last cleaned. So he got a facefull of dirt and twigs, dust, spider webs, and grimes all over his once red and white suit.
Did he like the fact that there was a fireplace screen and a sofa blocking the chimney’s exit?
No, he did not.
Indeed, he said, “What sort of an aadvark’s butt hole puts a screen and a sofa to block my way? And where the feck are my milk and cookies? This house blows dead bears!”
I drew myself to 90 percent of my full height. “Yeah well, at least I didn’t let my reindeer bully Rudolph and exclude him from their reindeer games, you fat, judgmental bastard. Also, I don’t enslave elves to make toys for me, you ball of Arctic pestilence.”
Then words were said that couldn’t be taken back. Fists were raised. Punches were thrown. I out pummeled fatty, having practiced boxing a little bit in college. However, the Jolly Recluse of the North Pole sure could take a punch. That huge belly of Old Saint Nick absorbed anything I could throw at him. The fight went on for hours until Mr. Claus realized he was behind schedule.
He pointed a finger at me. “Thanks to you, kids in Sub-Saharan Africa won’t get their presents until noon, Inconceivable, you whining pustule.”
I sneered. “Yeah, your wife living in Barbados, well I’ve had her. Hasta la vista, Santy.”
I will always wonder if I could have handled our meeting better. Ouch, my ribs! The Clausorino sure possessed a mean right jab. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a long, hot bath with Epsom salts.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
May you have the best holidays ever. May 2025 be the most wonderful year ever. May you coexist with all relatives and colleagues. May your favorite food go down in price. May it only rain and snow when you’re indoors. May nobody block the aisles with their shopping carts. May traffic be astoundingly light whenever you need to drive. May lutefisk be outlawed. May every day be Taco Day.May you feel my love for you.
Here’s a Christmas card of my brother and I from 30 years ago. 🙂 As you can see, I improvised an improvement.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Well no, not really. The whole customer-service process is designed to drive us crazy enough to hang up. I say when you lose your cool, lose it completely like in the picture below. Not only will you get through; you’ll also feel proud about yourself. Go get ’em, Tiger!
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
How many times has this happened to you? You’re minding your own business, when all of a sudden you find yourself in a showdown. Indeed, you’re in a gunfight.
How did this parlous situation occur? Perhaps you blundered into a political discussion. Perhaps you found yourself in a discussion on peace through religion. Maybe you argued too much on whether or not to add pickle juice to potato salad. Or perhaps you both went for the last piece of chocolate cake. Maybe you were at a supermarket getting ingredients for your holiday meal and some oaf is blocking the aisle with his shopping cart and words got said, words that couldn’t be taken back.
Whatever the reason, your getting set for a gunfight. You don’t want to die. The blighter who blocked the aisle nust perish. What do you do to win?
I’m glad you asked.
By all means, get ready to draw. Put your hand on your six shooter,
BUT DO NOT DRAW FIRST!
The person drawing first will actually find himself pulling the gun out of his holster slower than you because he is too busy thinking about when to draw, while you will draw faster because you act on reflax when you see his move.
Do this and you will win every time. You’ll acquire a reputation and shoppers will always, always, more their carts out of the way when you make your way down the aisle.
HOW DO WE KNOW THIS METHOD WORKS?
1) Linus Pauling, the Nobel Prize Winner, observed all this during the many Western movies he watched. One day, he put his hypothesis to the test. He won every single simulated gunfight with his grad students.
2) Marshall Dillon won every showdown with the guys. Every single episode.
3) I employed this method in the gunfight at the start of the Gunsmoke episodes. I won every showdown. I repeatedly outdrew the great Marshall of the Old West.
THAT’S PROOF YOU CANNOT DENY.
So gun down the other guy. Stay alive by using my gunfighting technique.
You’ll say, “Thank you, Paul.”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Today’s National Day is
Celebrate Mexican Tortilla Cuisine
I am. With these below bad boys. They’re nearly a foot wide. These big tortillas are going to be, no fated from long ago, to be the wrapping for large burritos.
Come celebrate Large Tortilla Day with me. Your taste buds and stomach will thank you.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Klingons were here.
I saw to and took care of finances. They needed tending to. “You never spend any timewith us anymore,” said my finances. “We don’t think you stopped liking us.” So I spent a while with them. We frolicked and gamboled together in the meadows and along sparkling white beaches, metaphorically of course. We parted great friends once more.
Full of the joy that only dancing with finances can yield, I tackled the paper swamp that was my office. It took a long time.
Halfway through I noticed there were Klingons around Uranus. “What the dickens are you doing there? It’s gassy and out of bounds. “Oopsie,” said Commander Frances, “I got lost.” Captain Desdemona Death Defying Daughter of Dangerous Destiny snorted. “I told him he was lost, but does a male Klingon ask for galactic directions? Noooooo.”
And soon, the Klingon spaceship puttered away.
I turned my attention back to my office. I shredded and shredded documents and the like. I shredded enough paper to make a vacation home for a dozen hampsters.
Then I made spaghetti. Ingredients were: tomatoes, leeks, green onions, onion, carrots, ground turkey, mozzarella cheese, allspice, poultry magic, and epicieres. The meal passed in pleasing conversation
And now to relax.
I hope you had a fun day. I’d like to hear about yours.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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