Monthly Archives: July 2023

Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report #2 – Briefs

Usually Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report (PABB) examines the strengths and weakness of similar products, plastic wraps for example, and comes down with a well-researched answer. Sometimes, however, we already know what we want. In these cases, we only want to figure out how many to buy.

Gentle reader, PABB hears you! In this issue, we examine the correct number of men’s briefs to buy online. The picture below shows various amounts of briefs to purchase and their corresponding custs.

And the analysis is in. The recommendation of Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report: buy seven briefs. Purchase 3 briefs only if a 16-ton anvil has just dropped on your head and you need all of your brain’s analytic prowess just to stay upright. Buy 5 if you’re merely pickled to the gills. Buy 6 if you’re studying Portuguese verbs for a final exam and don’t want to push any recent conjugations out of your mind.

­There.

Issue #2

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Misread News Item #2, The Earth

I misread the following news title today:

“Earth Has Tilted 31.5 Inches. That Shouldn’t Happen.”
Popular Mechanics, July 13, 2023

I really thought for an instant that the sentence went as below. I was quite worried for a bit. Wouldn’t climates and weather patterns be affected Alaska could become the new North Pole. The new one, Alaska, would never melt from global warming. Santa Claus wouldn’t have to worry about his workshop falling into the ocean. Besides, Santa would become American. USA! USA!

Misread title #2

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Misread News Item

I misread the following news title today:

“A 46,000-year-old worm found in Siberian permafrost was brought back to life, and started having babies”
– Business Insider, July 28, 2023

I really thought for an instant that the sentence went as below. My misreading immediately conjured up startling images.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Wanda Wunder Wonders About Electrons

Wanda Wunder #31

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shrimp Pineapple Curry

Sri Lankan Entree

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SHRIMP PINEAPPLE CURRY

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INGREDIENTS – CURRY PASTE­
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2 green chiles
½ teaspoon black mustard or brown mustard seeds
1 medium onion
2 tablespoons sesame, coconut, or vegetable oil
1½ tablespoons fresh curry, kaffir lime, or basil leaves
3 garlic cloves
1½ tablespoons fresh* pandanus** or cilantro
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INGREDIENTS – SHRIMP PINEAPPLE
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1 cup coconut milk
¾ teaspoon fish sauce or soy sauce
1½ tablespoons sugar
1½ cup chopped or crushed pineapple
1 pound shrimp
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* = 1 tablespoon fresh herbs = 1 teaspoon dried herbs
** = Pandanus and some of the other ingredients can be hard to find. This is why I list substitutes.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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spice grinder
blender or food processor
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION – CURRY PASTE
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Seed chiles. Grind mustard seeds in spice grinder. Mince onion. Add oil and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add ground mustard seeds, sautéed onion, and the remaining curry paste ingredients to blender. Blend until you get a curry paste.
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PREPARATION – SHRIMP PINEAPPLE
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Add curry paste, coconut milk, fish sauce, and sugar to large pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add pineapple and shrimp. Simmer at medium heat for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink. Stir occasionally. Goes well with rice.
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TIDBITS
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1) Nearly everyone who isn’t a little child finds shrimp to be ever so tasty.
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2) Tots, however, greatly prefer ice cream.  This is why thousands upon thousands of ice cream trucks roams patrol the streets of our towns of cities.
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3) But what about the adults? Why can’t we can’t have shrimp trucks driving around, playing the notes to “Blow the Man Down” or ever better, “Shrimp Boats are  Sailing” Instead of various dairy desserts, these plucky vendors could sell: shrimp cocktails, shrimp scampi, or Shrimp Pineapple Curry?
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4) How did Shrimp Pineapple Curry come about?  Remarkably, while billions of words have been written, over hundreds of years, over what people like to eat and how to make their dishes, nearly nothing has been written about what shrimp like to dine on.
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5) Oh sure, we know they will devour all manner of algae organisms. And itty, bitty bits of deal corral, roots, and other rotting ocean-floor delicacies. But such fare doesn’t sound very appetizing, does it?  No, and the shrimp don’t think so either.
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6) So, it was quite a momentous event for the shrimp nation when the Portuguese navigator Bartolomeo Diaz sailed into the Indian Ocean in 1488.
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7) Bartolomeo had a shrimp, Vasco, for a pet when he was little. Everyday, little Barty watched his plucky shrimp perform high-impact acrobatics. “Wait and see,” said Barty to his pet, “I’m going to achieve great things on the open sea. Just like you.”
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8) But he had to endure endless name calling, such as “Batty Barty,” before he grew up enough to command a crown-sponsored naval expedition. Batty had wanted  trade coconuts to the shrimps of the Indian Ocean in exchange for algae, but a crabby King John II insisted on bringing back valuable spices.
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9) In disgust, Barty threw his cargo of coconuts overboard. The shrimp loved coconuts, once they decomposed. The cleverest shrimps discovered a way to grow ocean-floor coconuts.  A few years later an Arab trading vessel carrying pineapples and curry leaves sank. Brainy shrimps found a way to harvest these ingredients beneath the waves.
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10) Naturally, the shrimps who had been hating their bland diet since tidbit 5) created Pineapple Curry. Brilliant, industrious shrimps created colossal aquatic coconut, curry, and pineapple farms.
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11) Indian Ocean shrimps led a blissful culinary existence until submariners during World War II noticed thousands of square miles aquatic acreage. “I’ll bet Coconut Curry would make a great dish would make a scrumptious entree if one only added shrimp to it,” said Chef Bertie of HMS Entre.
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16) And he did. Now the world eats tons of shrimp every day and their vast aquatic farms lie untended and forgotten. And if you try to tell someone at cocktail party about this, they’ll make a squeaky sound and scurry to the other side of the room.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Puzzle Triumph

I finished, working mostly without stops,  at 3am. It took close to 21 hours. But its done.

The next puzzle won’t be for a while.

This kept me off the streets, where I would only foment revolution

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Puzzle Status: 10pm

I started this puzzle at 8am, I think. It’s now 10:30pm

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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A Little Bit About Me

My eyes don’t always work together. It’s not noticeable at medium-to-far distances, but reading can be quite tiring as each eye does it own thing. I’ve been doing eye therapy for about a year now and I have noticed a definite improvement in eye coordination. I’m able to read for increasing lengths of time. I have various exercises. One of them is pencilling in an adult-skill coloring book. (To the left in the below picture.) Precise pencilling is the point of this exercise. I make a great effort not to spill my pencilling into a neighboring blank sections and also to fill in every section completely. Each picture takes hours.

I enjoy jigsaw puzzles, especially the 1,000-pieces variety. I usually start when I wake up and keep going until I finish. This usually occurs in the wee hours of the morning. I find it nearly impossible to stop. The further along I get, the more I see pieces coming together in my brain. Indeed, I see envision pictures of matching pieces for a few hours after completion.

I hope you enjoy this glimpse into me; it’s not easy for me to open up.

Take care.

A bit of me

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Extra Shop

We’ve all done this. Perhaps it’s in our genes. Perhaps the urge buy more than we planned was in our makeup way back to the very first living organism, the paracimmonium.

Awesome entry #22

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pepper Soup From Nigeria

Nigerian Soup

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PEPPER SOUP

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INGREDIENTS
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2¼ pounds chicken, beef, or goat
3 whole nutmegs or calabash nutmegs, or 2 tablespoons nutmeg
1 onion
1 Scotch bonnet, habanero, 2 serrano chiles, or bird’s eye chile
2 MaggiTM** bouillon cubes, flavor should match the meat
4 cups water
2 teaspoons ginger powder
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons shrimp or crayfish powder (or omit)
2 tablespoons scent leaves*: Thai basil, or tarragon
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* = Scent leaves can be hard to find.
** = Doesn’t have to be the Maggi brand, but Maggi is extremely popular in Nigeria and much of the rest of Africa.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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spice grinder
sonic obliterator
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Grind whole nutmegs into powder. Dice onion. Seed and mince Scotch bonnet. (BE SURE to wash your hands thoroughly after touching the Scotch bonnet or its seeds. If however you touch your face after handing the Scotch bonnet or habanero, you will remember the pain it caused for a long time.)
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Add chicken, bouillon cubes, onion, Scotch bonnet, and 4 cups water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes. Stir occasionally.
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Add ginger powder, nutmeg, red pepper flakes, salt, and shrimp powder. Simmer on low for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add scent leaves. And simmer for another 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Use sonic obliterator on any guests who gives your any guff over any ingredient substitutions. You don’t need that negativity in your kitchen.
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TIDBITS
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1) Culinary art historians will tell you, if you have the misfortune of being cornered by a feral gang of them, that the progression of European art can be summarized in the following eight stages.
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2) First stage: Pre-prehistoric art.. How do we know it existed? We don’t. That’s why most of us cross the street to avoid a culinary art historian. (CAH.)
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3) Second stage: .Prehistoric art, such as the wall paintings in the Lescaux Cave. Sadly, because this art comes from a prehistoric time, there are no written records of its history. Bummer. But it also gives rises to the age-old riddle, “Did prehistory inhibit written records or did the absence of written records spawn prehistory?” It is a contentious subject among the fractious CAHs.
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4) Third stage: Roman art. Mosaics and wall paintings of geometric patterns, scenes from mythology, and pastoral landscapes. The Romans really liked the color red. Although when they really let their hair down, they would add black and yellow, hence the many mosaics at Bromidium depicting enraged wasps stinging tomatoes.
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5) Moving onto the Fourth stage; (We really have to cover a lot of ground quickly as we only have one page.) Medieval art: Paintings depicted people of status in incredibly rigid poses. The current planking craze derives nearly all of its inspiration from Medieval nobility. Many Medieval artists made many Medieval medallions and incredibly expensive golden statues. Unfortunately, these stupendously valuable works got robbed by enterprising thieves. All gone. This explains why so few people study Medieval art. This six-sentence review is one of this period’s longest art studies
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6) Fifth stage: Renaissance art. Really, an overall flowering of artistic ideas and techniques. The whole Renaissance era burgeoned with beauty. People love to study Renaissance art, their numbers limited only by the difficulty of spelling the word, “Renaissance.”
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7) Sixth stage: Brown Gravy or Fifty Shades of Beige. Every freaking painting was painted in brown. It really does resemble brown gravy. Museum curators will tell you with admirably straight faces that post-Renaissance teemed with other colors. They say the painted walls, portraits, and tapestries of Hampton Court and the Louvre blazed with vibrant colors and only faded to brown over time.
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8) Rebuttal: pish.
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9) Brown’s supremacy derives from the massive importation of Nigerian Pepper Soup into Europe. Pepper-mad Europeans couldn’t get enough of this dish. Artists thought of Pepper Soup during every waking hour. Then dreamed of it every night.
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10) This dish in this recipe is light brown and dark brown. So, is it any wonder that all Brown-Gravy artists worked only with brown? Where did the European artists get the funds to afford so much Pepper Soup? From the gold stolen in tidbit 5).
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11) Seventh stage: Eventually artists went off feed and discovered other colors, such as can be found in fried eggs and split-pea soup. This naturally brought on the many-colored Impressionistic era.
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12) Eighth stage: Modern art. It’s chock full of modern art. There, you are now an art expert.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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