Monthly Archives: April 2015

Chocolate Mousse

Posted on April 12, 2015 by pauldelancey

French Dessert

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE

INGREDIENTSChocolateMousse-

6 ounces bittersweet chocolate
3 eggs
1½ cups heavy cream
6 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 can whipped cream (Optional in some households. Mandatory in mine.)
2 teaspoons chocolate shavings*

* = Already made chocolate shavings are hard to find. You may generate them by taking a grater or a knife to a bar of dark chocolate or
by using a food processor.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

sonic obliterator

PREPARATION

Add chocolate to pan. Cook on medium heat until chocolate melts completely Stir constantly. Put melted chocolate in large, first mixing bowl and let cool down to room temperature.

Separate egg whites from egg yolks. Add egg whites to second mixing bowl and beat them with whisk until you see peaks form. Add egg yolks to third mixing bowl and beat them egg yolks until they become fluffy. Add heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla extract to fourth mixing bowl. Whisk
until cream becomes frothy.

You may become frothy as well. Just don’t let anyone see you and if they do say you’re the chef and as chef you’re entitled to be this way and would you like to prepare dinner instead? No, I didn’t think so. Okay then, on with the recipe.

Fold egg yolks completely into melted chocolate. Fold egg whites completely into chocolate/egg white mix. Fold in heavy cream/sugar/vanilla extract mix until completely blended. Divide mousse equally between cups. Let guests garnish their mousses with a much whipped cream and chocolate shaving. Serve chilled.

Use sonic obliterator on any guests who use up the whipped cream. You don’t need the negativity of the succeeding, whipped-cream deprived guests.

TIDBITS

1) The plural of chocolate mousse is chocolate mousses.

2) The plural of moose is moose.

3) Why not?

4) Teddy Roosevelt ran for president in 1912 on the Bull Moose ticket.

5) In 1902, he saved a bear from getting shot. This idea inspired Morris Michtom to invent the teddy bear. Hundreds of millions of children have owned and loved this toy.

6) There’s a campaign picture from 1912 of Teddy Roosevelt riding a moose across a river.

7) This event inspired Silas B. Firefly to invent the chocolate moose. Chocolate moose were especially popular Easter treats for decades.

8) Indeed, we’d still be eating chocolate moose on Easter and other days as well if it weren’t for the disputed presidential election of 1960. Some people think there were enough voting irregularities in that campaign for Nixon to have won in a recount.

9) But a recount didn’t happen. Nixon thought a recount would have caused permanent divisions in America. Also, many culinary historians believe he made a deal with Kennedy. If he, Richard Nixon, would not contest the election, Kennedy would do all he could to drive the chocolate-moose manufacturers out of business, paving the way for chocolate-bunny dominance.

10) For Nixon was also a fervent chocolate-bunny lower and hated the more popular moose design. His parents never could find chocolate bunny to give their irate little Richard on Easter morning.

11) Although he never talked about it, the whole thing left Richard Milhous Nixon embittered for life. Nixon entered politics with a strong desire to set things right in America. He eventually became president.

12) As president, Nixon went to China. He negotiated treaties with them. As a result, Chinese food became wildly popular in America. We didn’t have to eat weird things in JelloTM molds any more. Nixon became wildly popular.

12) Then came Watergate. His involvement in those political shenanigans made him wildly unpopular. People forgot that all the undiscovered China dishes he brought back to this land. They forgot how good Jello could taste just by itself. Oh, and they forgot how he brought a stable, less threatening relationship with China. So, he resigned.

13) But his legacy of the chocolate Easter bunny lives on. We have not had a nuclear war since the chocolate bunny won our hearts.

14) And every president since Nixon gives a chocolate bunny to every world leader who visits America. Two bunnies, if the foreign dignitary visits the White House on Easter.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Dr. Economics – Stock Opportunities During Limited Nuclear War

Posted on April 10, 2015 by pauldelancey

StockGraph

Hold on, eager investors, I’m not going to mislead you. Not every stock is going to rise during a limited nuclear war. There will, however, be a few nuggets here and there. But first, let’s decide on a definition for a limited nuclear war. For our purposes, it shall be one modest nuclear missile lobbed at one of our major cities by some disgruntled country, DC, that is really, really peeved at us. I won’t name names, DCs, that would be impolite, but you know who you are. Don’t make me come back there.

What would be the general effect of that peeved country nuking one of our cities? Sad to say, it’s almost a certainty the market would react negatively to such news. Why? The market hates uncertainty, even more than you hated going to the dentist as a kid. Just look how the housing/lending crisis, a few hundred billion dollars lost here and there and WHAMO!, the stock market plunges 50%

But even more uncertainty would result from even so pro forma a strike as one nuclear missile. Who know, that DC might up and launch another ten or twenty missiles at our cities. If that isn’t uncertainty, then what is? So, I feel safe in saying that even one obliterated city would drive the stock market down by more than 50%. And that goes for all major indices, not just the DJIA.

Such pessimism by the market is only natural. Who hasn’t taken an occasional view whether from a marital spat, an unkind word from a colleague, or an undeserved parking ticket. But life is never all bad. All clouds have a silver lining, even a smallish nuclear war.

Suppose some bad country’s nuclear missile wiped out Chicago, forever wiping out the Cub’s chances to win the World Series. Chicago is littered with insurance companies. They would be vaporized. Less competition for out-of-Chicago insurance companies means more profits for them. More profits mean higher share prices.

There, I see the smile coming back to your face. Just make sure pick an insurance company with limited exposure to the windy city. Chicago is also a major rail and air hub. Sell all railroad and airline companies going through there in favor of ones with hubs in St. Louis or New Orleans. Furthermore, the future for hospital stocks would look particularly bright with many people likely to need multiple, expensive treats.

See? A modest nuclear strike would present many opportunities for the savvy investor. Be one.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Biram Ruzz

Posted on April 9, 2015 by pauldelancey

Egyptian Entree

BIRAM RUZZ

INGREDIENTSBiramRuzz-

3 tablespoons butter
1 cup uncooked long-grain rice (1 more cup later)
2 pounds boneless chicken thighs or breasts
1 cup uncooked long-grain rice
½ teaspoon cardamom
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon pepper
1¼ teaspoons salt
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup heavy cream
1⅓ cups milk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

2 quart casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Melt butter. Use brush to coat side of casserole dish with melted butter. Spread 1 cup rice evenly over casserole dish. Place chicken thighs evenly over bottom layer of rice. Sprinkle cardamom, nutmeg, pepper, and salt over chicken and rice. Spread 1 cup of rice evenly over the chicken thighs. Add chicken stock, heavy cream, and milk to pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Pour liquid over top layer of rice in casserole dish. Bake at 375 degrees 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover with lid and let sit for 30 minutes.

Use spoon to loosen rice from edges of casserole dish. Remove lid. Place large serving place over casserole dish. Firmly hold casserole dish and serving plate together and quickly invert them so that the contents of the casserole dish are now upside down on the serving plate.

TIDBITS

1) Ancient Egyptians loved the board game, “Senet.” It was simple and a blast to play. Nearby kings constantly came to Egypt to play Senet and often ended up concluding treaties of friendship.

2) Then, in 675 BC, Pharaoh Taharka challenged the Assyrian leader, Esharddon, to play Qunark, a game resembling the modern ScrabbleTM.. Taharka drew the bird-like letter “A” to make “antihistamine” for a triple word score for 528 points. Esharddon claimed pharaoh had really drawn the bird-like letter “W” and had not come up with not a word at all. He called Taharka a low-down dirty hippo. Taharka slugged Esharddon who went home in a huff. The Assyrian king returned with a mighty army. Egypt would chafe under foreign domination for much of the next millennium.
Culinary historians say this is why Scrabble comes with pre-drawn letters.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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CandylandTM to be Theme of Poway’s New Modern Art Museum

Posted on April 5, 2015 by pauldelancey

Candyland

All Poway, California is buzzing with excitement. In just three month’s the town’s new in its tiara, the $188.2 million CowboyMetrics Museum will open. No one is prouder than museum curator, “Tex” Roland.

“I’m just fit to bust,” said the beaming Tex. “For decades now, folks just plain associated cowpokes with roping, herding, and advanced statistical skills.” Tex stops to spit expertly on a fire ant. “That ain’t true no more. We have our sensitive, avant-garde side, too.”

Indeed. Yesterday, Tex, the famed rodeo king and speedy inverter of matrices, favored me with a private tour of his cutting edge museum.  We started with “Grub,” the museum’s restaurant and homage to cattle drive food. The eatery’s jumbo Gulf shrimp cocktails and sumptuous Swedish meatball bar, presided over by internationally acclaimed chef Pierre “Windy” LeBouef are to die for. When questioned, Tex assured me that cattle-drive food was much more international and gourmet than portrayed in Western movies and dime novels.

On to the museum’s breath-taking canvasses. I gazed intently at two giant green squares, one atop the other, on a bold in-your-face white canvas.

“Tex, that looks like a double-green square from CandylandTM, you know that game we played as kids.”

“Sure is,” said the worthy curator. “Candyland is plum near the alpha and omega of modern art. Milton BradleyTM might have made that game to entertain the youngin’s of this great land, but they also said the final word in modern art. There ain’t been no more artists of any note since Candyland came on the scene.”

“What about Jackson Pollock?” I said.

“Pre Candyland,” said Tex.

You know, he was right. I walked subdued down the long hallways overhung with massive Bohemian chandeliers, on floors made with the finest Tuscan marble. On the walls, hung huge paintings of all the Candyland playing cards done up in fine style on vibrant white canvases from “Bronco” Henri of Paris. I saw red squares, blue ones, double greens, and there, there, in a room all by itself, Queen Frostine on a forty-five foot canvas.

Humanity has truly reached the pinnacle of artistic brilliance, but I don’t know whether to swell with pride or cry.

– Paul De Lancey, art critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Omelette Aux Fines Herbes

Posted on April 1, 2015 by pauldelancey

French Breakfast

OMELETTE AUX FINES HERBES

INGREDIENTSOmeletteAuxFines-

12 eggs
2½ tablespoons fresh chervil*
3 tablespoons fresh chives*
2 tablespoons fresh parsley*
1 tablespoon fresh tarragon*
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 tablespoon per omelette.)

* = This dish really is better with fresh herbs. However, it’s often difficult to obtain all of these herbs fresh. In this event, substitute 1 teaspoon dried herb for every 1 tablespoon fresh herb. We live in a world to stay-at-home chefs. There’s probably an heroic, but tragic ancient myth to explain the unavailability of fresh herbs.

Makes 4 omelettes. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add eggs to large mixing bowl. Use to whisk to gently blend eggs. Dice chervil, chives, parsley, and tarragon. Add all these herbs to small mixing bowl and blend with fork. Add ½ of the mixed herbs to eggs in the large mixing bowl. Fold herbs into eggs with whisk.

Add 1 tablespoon butter to large pan. Melt using medium heat. Do not let butter bubble; it will be too hot. Add ¼ of the blended egg/herb mixture, about ½ cup, to pan. Shake pan to ensure an even coating of the egg/herb mixture over the pan. Sprinkle ¼ of the remaining dry herb mix over egg/herb mix in pan.

Cook on medium heat until eggs are only slightly runny in the middle; tilting the pan occasionally to let uncooked part of the eggs to run to the bottom. Remove from heat. Use spatula to fold two sides of eggs toward middle. Serve at once.

TIDBITS

1) Just clink glasses together when toasting in France. Clink one glass at a time. Don’t cross any person’s arm while clinking. Follow all these rules or be cursed with seven years of bad sex.

2) If you crack open an egg and see two yolks, someone you know will soon be having twins. I didn’t know that, but I took economics instead of biology.

3) For pity’s sake, make sure you crush the 12 eggshells from this recipe. If you don’t, a witch will reassemble the pieces, head out to sea, and make horrific, huge storms. Admirals from all the world’s navies worry about this a lot.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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