Posts Tagged With: future

I Have Questions

Posted on February 2, 2024 by pauldelancey

You have been warned.

This sign confuses me.

It reads: “Prop 65 Furniture Warning”

When I first saw it, reflection from the Sun produced glare that obliterated the letters “rni” in the word “Furniture.”

The sign now apparently read: “Prop 65 Future warning.”

You have to admit that is pretty darn exciting. Are Martians from the year 2525 coming back to enslave Californians? And why are doing this? Do they want our avocados?

1)  Is the state of California, or its voters, merely trying to warn us in a big way about the future? But how are we to heed this warning?

2) Are we trying warn the future? Oh ho future, don’t mess with California.

But seen from the proper angle, the correct reading of the sign emerges.

1) But why is our furniture warning us? Are we voting our response to furniture’s warning?

2)  Is California’s furniture unruly? Is this proposition an answer to furniture hooligans? Couldn’t we simply say, “Now see here, furniture, we’ll have none of this behavior around here.”

I better read the voter’s pamphlet. So behave yourselves, I’ll be busy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: Brace Yourselves, danger, explanations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

You Need to See Little Kids Going Back to School

Posted on December 14, 2023 by pauldelancey

You get overwhelmed. You get crabby. You see nothing in the big picture to relieve the gloom in your future.

You need to take a step back. You need to look at the present. You need to look at the little picture.

Specifically, a picture of little kids going back to school.

Ponder their adorable little faces. Seeing these children brightens the future oh so much.

Your heart while not quite soaring like a hawk, flits here and there like a butterfly.

You are no longer in your future. You are in a happy now.

You need to see #35

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Meet My Future Self

Posted on November 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

­

I was cursing at my printer when Shazzam! someone looking a lot like myself  and dressed pretty much the same materialized to my left.

“What ho,” I said, “you look like me. Am I besides myself?”

“Hee, hee,” he said, “I see what you did there. In fact, I am you from the future. I’ve come to let you know what might happen to you, so you can prepare.”

I asked, “How far into the future?”

“Ten minutes.”

I shrugged. “Anyway, can you fix this fecking piece of crap computer?”

“No,” said future me (FM), “Printers hate me, will hate you, as much as they hate you now?”

I flipped off the printer. “You stinking lutefisk.”

“Indeed.”

I hung my head. “Life is hard.”

FM put a hand on my shoulder. Let’s say it was his right hand on my left shoulder. It could have been his left hand on my right shoulder. There’s a lot of freedom in the first draft.

While we waited for my blog self to stop ruminating, I tried cancelling the print order by all things, pressing the stop-printing thingy. It would not cancel. We tried going to POS 2000 printer icon on the desk top and clicking on stop print job. Bloody feck! Nothing happened. We tried turning the computer on and off. The printer remained frozen. We unplugged the printer and made a brief sacrifice to a Mayan monkey god.  Then FM plugged in the computer and rebooted. We managed to cancel the print job.

The printer peformed a number of noisy incantations to its evil master and spat a test page.

I looked at my future self and said, “It’s crunch time” as I clicked on print.

And then the familiar sound of a big wheeler downshifting on a steep infected the air around us as a page crumpled to its death.

We stared at each other and said, “I fecking hate printers.”

Synapses fired as I finally realized the full import of having future coming to visit. Coming to import life changing information.

“So,” I said, “What did come back in time to tell me?”

“Present Paul,” he said, “I braved temporal eddies to say . . .”

Beep! Poof! And like that he was gone. His ten minutes were up.

That’s the last time I time travel.

 

­– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Meet My Future Self

Posted on November 16, 2023 by pauldelancey

­

I was cursing at my printer when Shazzam! someone looking a lot like myself  and dressed pretty much the same materialized to my left.

“What ho,” I said, “you look like me. Am I besides myself?”

“Hee, hee,” he said, “I see what you did there. In fact, I am you from the future. I’ve come to let you know what might happen to you, so you can prepare.”

I asked, “How far into the future?”

“Ten minutes.”

I shrugged. “Anyway, can you fix this fecking piece of crap computer?”

“No,” said future me (FM), “Printers hate me, will hate you, as much as they hate you now?”

I flipped off the printer. “You stinking lutefisk.”

“Indeed.”

I hung my head. “Life is hard.”

FM put a hand on my shoulder. Let’s say it was his right hand on my left shoulder. It could have been his left hand on my right shoulder. There’s a lot of freedom in the first draft.

While we waited for my blog self to stop ruminating, I tried cancelling the print order by all things, pressing the stop-printing thingy. It would not cancel. We tried going to POS 2000 printer icon on the desk top and clicking on stop print job. Bloody feck! Nothing happened. We tried turning the computer on and off. The printer remained frozen. We unplugged the printer and made a brief sacrifice to a Mayan monkey god.  Then FM plugged in the computer and rebooted. We managed to cancel the print job.

The printer peformed a number of noisy incantations to its evil master and spat a test page.

I looked at my future self and said, “It’s crunch time” as I clicked on print.

And then the familiar sound of a big wheeler downshifting on a steep infected the air around us as a page crumpled to its death.

We stared at each other and said, “I fecking hate printers.”

Synapses fired as I finally realized the full import of having future coming to visit. Coming to import life changing information.

“So,” I said, “What did come back in time to tell me?”

“Present Paul,” he said, “I braved temporal eddies to say . . .”

Beep! Poof! And like that he was gone. His ten minutes were up.

That’s the last time I time travel.

 

­– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, De Lancey's Daily Deeds, lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bariis Iskukaris – Spicy Rice and Meat From Somalia

Posted on March 22, 2021 by pauldelancey

Somali Entree

BARIIS ISKUKARIS
(Spicy Rice and Meat)

INGREDIENTS

1 cup basmati rice
½” ginger root
2 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 large tomato
3 cardamom seeds
3 cloves
¾ pound lamb, beef, goat, or chicken
2½ tablespoons ghee or vegetable oil
1 cinnamon stick
¼ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon vegetable seasoning
1½ cups water
½ teaspoon saffron threads

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, grate ginger root. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Dice tomato. Grind cardamom seeds and cloves into powder. Cut meat into ½” cubes. Add ghee, garlic, onion, cardamom, cinnamon stick, and cloves to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently.

Add meat cubes, coriander, cumin, ginger, salt, and vegetable seasoning. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until meat browns. Stir frequently. Add tomato. Cover and cook at medium heat for 10 minutes or until a sauce is obtained. Stir occasionally.

Add 1½ cups water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until meat is tender and most of the water has been absorbed. Stir occasionally. Add saffron. Cover, and simmer at low heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Remove cinnamon stick. Add rice to plate. Ladle spicy meat mix onto rice.

TIDBITS

1) Food left on a burner can burn within minutes or at the most, within a day. Bears take two weeks to three months to hibernate. It’s a certainty that any food bears left on the stove at the start of their Big Sleep will have turned into ashes by the time they stirred. There’s no evolutionary future for a species that habitually burns its food. That’s why we descended from apes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Vice Presidential Candidate

Posted on May 26, 2012 by pauldelancey

I am proud to announce Ms. Daphne Anne Humphrey has just become my Vice-Presidential candidate. See how deftly she expands and improves my political platform.

“I think you need to include bacon. That and World Peace. That should cover it. I’ll be your VP nominee. I can take on illiteracy, medical insurance for all, foreign policy in regards to the Middle East and perhaps the transportation system in the U.S.”

“The future is ours. We can only fail if we are outvoted.” – me

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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