Posts Tagged With: existential

The Existential Threat That is Mathematics

Mathematics starts easier, gets evers harder, and turns deadly at the end. (You can skip the middle parts, but it’s worth a rapid scan to see the general trend)

 

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

2 + 2 = 4

Still alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

DIFFICULT ARITHMETIC

3,513, 692 / 1372 = 2,561

EASY ALGEBRA (We transition from just numbers to numbers and letters from the alphabet)

a * (b+c) = a * b + a*c.   Example, 3*(4+5) = 3*4 +3*5 = 12 +15 = 27

 

(YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP TO THE HEADING “DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”)

 

DIFFICULT ALGEBRA (This might be mind numbing)

ax^2 + bx + c = d, where x^2 means x is squared

Example: x^2 + 5x +6 = 0

by the quadratic equation: x = -b +/- (b^2 – 4ac)^2 / 2a

so x = (- 5 +/-(5^2 – 4*1*6)^.5 ) / 2*1 = -(5 =/- (25-4*1*6)^.5) / (2*1 = -5 +- (25-24)^.5) / 2 =( -5 +/- (1)^.5) )/ 2

=( -5 +/-(1)^2) / 2  = (-5 +/- 1) / 2 = (-5+1)/2 AND (-5-1)/ 2 OR X = -2 and X = – 3

EASY CALCULUS (We transition from just numbers and letters from the alphabet by adding letters from the Greek alphabet)

∂(3x^2 + 4x + c) = 2*3*x + 4 + 0 = 6x+ 4

DIFFICULT CALCULUS (Years ago, I could do the following, but no longer.)

A second-order differential equation is linear if it can be written in the form

a2(x)y”+a)1(x)y’+a0(x)y=r(x),(17.1.1)
where a2(x),a1(x),a0(x),
and r(x)
are real-valued functions and a2(x)
is not identically zero. If r(x)=0
—in other words, if r(x)=0
for every value of x
—the equation is said to be a homogeneous linear equation. If r(x)?0
for some value of x,
the equation is said to be a nonhomogeneous linear equation.

Not easy peasy.

“DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”

If quest for ever more challenging mathemetics leads to this level of difficulty,

YOU WILL DIE

Some 200 bright young mind have tried to comprehend the next level of math. Their brains all literally exploded.

A Carl La Fong, Ph.D., University of Wisconsin, 1986, suspected this next level involved adding Hindi letters, but he went permanently insane before pursuing his research for any length.

Let this be a cautionary tale for you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: danger, Deep Thinker, explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Misheard Lyrics of Traditional Scottish Folk Song

The haunting lyrics of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean” evokes feelings of deep sorrow. This sorrow derives from the fact the Pretender to the British Throne, Bonnie Prince Charlie, lies across the English Channel. Or perhaps someother body of water if had been struck with a feeling of wanderlust. Did they have Club Med(tm) then?

Or, a Scotsman is pining for his love, Bonnie, who for some reason took a cruise to the continent. As after the disastrous defeat at Culloden in 1745, the victorious English banned all support for Bonnie Prince Charlie. So, apprehended Scotsmen could say, “Why no, constable, I wasn’t singing about the Prince, I was singing about my lass, Bonnie.” And the constable would have to walk away.

And so goes the story for the correct lyrics.

But in or grammar school song time we heard, “My body” instead of “My bonnie.”

This turned the story into something existential and eerie.

The true lyrics are:

“My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
My Bonnie lies over the sea,
My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.

[Chorus]
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.”

Eventually, our teachers told us that we were to sing “My Bonnie.” Of course, this made us sing “My body” even louder. We were ever so clever back then. The thought just struck me today that “My bottom lies over the ocean” would be hilarious as well. Apparently, I’m still as brilliant as I was back then.

And now the misheard lyrics:

Misheard lyrics #17

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: misheard | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Marked Safe From His Printer

Everyone knows by now of my daily existential war with my printer. One day it may very well triumph. Police will find my body near my gloating printer.

But not today!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Marked Safe From | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Simplify Mazes

Mazes can be lots of fun. They engage the mind. Solving them can be necessary and even existential as in the case of Theseus. Theseus had promised to kill Minotaur, the half-man/half-bull beast who lurked in a huge maze. He does that.  But he had to get out again. If he couldn’t do so, he’d die of starvation. Bummer. So how did he manage to leave? He cheated. Theseus unraveled a ball of string as he went along. Then he wound up the string as he went back.

Fortunately, maze solving is no longer a matter of life and death. But they can take a while. You can get so engrossed in a single maze that you lose track of time. In fact, you even missed your court appearance. Your testimony was crucial to the prosecution. But because you didn’t show the judge was forced to acquit the defendant. Because of you, a serial killer once again stalks the street of your fair city.

It doesn’t, however, have to end like that. Simply, solve the above quick but snappy maze an hour before appearing in court. The law will appreciate you. So will your fellow citizens.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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