Storm hero

Fires can cause untold devastation. Sometimes the only way to stop them is to start counterfires. The counter fires eliminate all burnable vegetation in a strip of land (BVSL).  When the raging inferno reaches the BVSL, there’s nothing left to burn. The conflagration dies out.

If only we could stop gale force winds in the same way.

In fact, the National Weather Service (NWS) has a plan. Simply put, it will deploy its Synchronized Counter Farters (SCFs) to all severe storm fronts. Legions of SCFs will be airlifted en masse to a spot just in front of the approaching gale. CFs will then gorge themselves on buckets of beans. At a signal from the fart coordinater (FC) the SCFs will, as one, point their butts at the approaching wind tsumani and let rip. The resulting butt gale should stop  cold the storm gale.

This approach is, as of press time, untested, but the National Weather Service holds out high hopes for its success. It does, however caution residents and storm chasers to carry nose plugs until the fart odor dissipates.

By the way, the American Bean Growers Association (ABGA) heartily endorses this plan.