danger

Every Year Has a January 2 in It

Posted on January 2, 2025 by pauldelancey

Things change all the time. Relationships change. Politics change Food prices change. Computers change. Change change; the back of our quarters vary with each passing year. Synonyms mutate.  And even years change! Leap years have a February 29 in them. Other years don’t. Or so we thought! Isn’t nearly every 100th year bereft of a February 29?

Is life just a whirlwind? Is nothing constant? Surely, there must be some unyielding constant in our lives, something that makes us shout, “Yes, yes, we can tether our emotions and sanity to this touchstone.”

Fortunately, there is such a rock.

Every year possesses a January 2. Every. Single. Year.

You can check your old calendars. I show a past January calendar as proof.

You can now hold on to your sanity.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: danger, explanations, lifestyle, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Existential Threat That is Mathematics

Posted on August 10, 2024 by pauldelancey

Mathematics starts easier, gets evers harder, and turns deadly at the end. (You can skip the middle parts, but it’s worth a rapid scan to see the general trend)

 

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC

2 + 2 = 4

Still alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

DIFFICULT ARITHMETIC

3,513, 692 / 1372 = 2,561

EASY ALGEBRA (We transition from just numbers to numbers and letters from the alphabet)

a * (b+c) = a * b + a*c.   Example, 3*(4+5) = 3*4 +3*5 = 12 +15 = 27

 

(YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP TO THE HEADING “DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”)

 

DIFFICULT ALGEBRA (This might be mind numbing)

ax^2 + bx + c = d, where x^2 means x is squared

Example: x^2 + 5x +6 = 0

by the quadratic equation: x = -b +/- (b^2 – 4ac)^2 / 2a

so x = (- 5 +/-(5^2 – 4*1*6)^.5 ) / 2*1 = -(5 =/- (25-4*1*6)^.5) / (2*1 = -5 +- (25-24)^.5) / 2 =( -5 +/- (1)^.5) )/ 2

=( -5 +/-(1)^2) / 2  = (-5 +/- 1) / 2 = (-5+1)/2 AND (-5-1)/ 2 OR X = -2 and X = – 3

EASY CALCULUS (We transition from just numbers and letters from the alphabet by adding letters from the Greek alphabet)

∂(3x^2 + 4x + c) = 2*3*x + 4 + 0 = 6x+ 4

DIFFICULT CALCULUS (Years ago, I could do the following, but no longer.)

A second-order differential equation is linear if it can be written in the form

a2(x)y”+a)1(x)y’+a0(x)y=r(x),(17.1.1)
where a2(x),a1(x),a0(x),
and r(x)
are real-valued functions and a2(x)
is not identically zero. If r(x)=0
—in other words, if r(x)=0
for every value of x
—the equation is said to be a homogeneous linear equation. If r(x)?0
for some value of x,
the equation is said to be a nonhomogeneous linear equation.

Not easy peasy.

“DEATH OR EXISTENTIAL MATHEMATICS”

If quest for ever more challenging mathemetics leads to this level of difficulty,

YOU WILL DIE

Some 200 bright young mind have tried to comprehend the next level of math. Their brains all literally exploded.

A Carl La Fong, Ph.D., University of Wisconsin, 1986, suspected this next level involved adding Hindi letters, but he went permanently insane before pursuing his research for any length.

Let this be a cautionary tale for you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: danger, Deep Thinker, explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Have Questions

Posted on February 2, 2024 by pauldelancey

You have been warned.

This sign confuses me.

It reads: “Prop 65 Furniture Warning”

When I first saw it, reflection from the Sun produced glare that obliterated the letters “rni” in the word “Furniture.”

The sign now apparently read: “Prop 65 Future warning.”

You have to admit that is pretty darn exciting. Are Martians from the year 2525 coming back to enslave Californians? And why are doing this? Do they want our avocados?

1)  Is the state of California, or its voters, merely trying to warn us in a big way about the future? But how are we to heed this warning?

2) Are we trying warn the future? Oh ho future, don’t mess with California.

But seen from the proper angle, the correct reading of the sign emerges.

1) But why is our furniture warning us? Are we voting our response to furniture’s warning?

2)  Is California’s furniture unruly? Is this proposition an answer to furniture hooligans? Couldn’t we simply say, “Now see here, furniture, we’ll have none of this behavior around here.”

I better read the voter’s pamphlet. So behave yourselves, I’ll be busy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: Brace Yourselves, danger, explanations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Looming Revolution

Posted on August 28, 2023 by pauldelancey

They ran out of banana splits

It’s way too hot to use the oven or stove today. So, as part of my errands I went to the supermarket for ingredients to make banana splits. My family has been looking forward to having them today. Banana splits are heaven.

Then avoidable tragedy struck. I forgot to get hot fudge sauce at the store. I know! The horror! You can’t have a banana split without hot fudge sauce.

I don’t have all the ingredients to make hot fudge sauce. I don’t want to go out to a peoply supermarket a second time. Number One Wife is busy. Number Two Son is studying. He says he’ll bring home some hot fudge when he finishes.

Meanwhile, minute after minute goes by and no banana split. People are getting as tense as when they’re about to stick a knife into one of those cardboard cyclinders of premade cookie dough.

Update: no hot fudge sauce. People get surlier and surlier. The spirit of Marie Antoinette visits me. She’s beside herself. She says, “The continued absence of banana splits prompted the French Revolution.”

And still no hot fudge sauce for the banana splits. I shall be barricading myself in my office soon. Wish me luck.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: danger, We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Danger Stalks This Blog

Posted on June 2, 2023 by pauldelancey

I’ve now blogged over 800 times in a row. I’ve never let anything stop me. Nothing. Not tummy aches. Not even inertia. But today a large herd of rather frustrated elephants stamped down my street. I barely outran them, Thank goodness, the pachyderms would pause to eat the peanuts I threw at them. I almost died! Oh my goodness! Exclamation points abound!!! If I had died, this blog would never been posted. The blogging streak would have ended. Being trampled to death, I wouldn’t have had the heart to start a new streak.

I know the cynics out there are saying, “Pish, you made this up, Paul. There are no stampeding elephants in Poway, my fair city, California.

Well look at the photo  below.

Elephant stampede in Poway. Proof you cannot deny.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: danger, lifestyle, Marked Safe From | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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