I got to the stop sign first.
Please do not kill me.
DRIVING HAIKU #2
You have a big car.
I’ve a sonic obliterator.
You will yield to me.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“Insiders buy stocks for only one reason. They think the prices will go up.”
– From an online advertisement.
“Heat rises in Holland.”
– Dutch real estate agent
Whoa, slow down. Let me absorb this.
– Paul R. De Lancey – historian
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
GRAMMAR HAIKU #1
It is a truism.
Good grammar and chocolates
Will impress your date.
GRAMMAR HAIKU #2
Remember tonight,
Lust is fleeting but grammar
Endures forever.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
LAUNDRY HAIKU #1
Laundry, oh laundry
I hate you. I will hate you.
’till the end of time.
LAUNDRY HAIKU #2
You, pile of laundry,
I so wanted to eat out.
But then I saw you.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“1643-53. The Fronde, revolt against the regency named after the catapult children used to hurl clods at passing coaches.”
– The Encyclopedia of World History, Sixth edition, p. 326
Wow! Wow! Children in France had catapults. The parents in seventeenth-century France let their children have catapults, maybe even gave them to their kids for Christmas! Wow!
And, and the kids got to use their catapults to hurl clods! At passing coaches! And it was okay! Way cool! Way cool!
Mom and Dad never gave me a catapult, not even the children’s size. Oh sure, I got a fake Civil War musket that fired a cork about ten feet. But that’s nothing compared to a catapult. Those cork balls rapidly became lost, but you can always find dirt clods.
I don’t want to grow up. I’m a catapult kid.
Fling.
– Paul R. De Lancey – historian
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
My wife pointed to a dish with cheeseburger remnants.
“Why did you eat that when you knew we were going out for lunch?”
I riposted, “I wasn’t thinking.”
“How come you weren’t thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“You should have been thinking you weren’t thinking so you could have been thinking,” she said.
“”I,” said I, “couldn’t have thinking I wasn’t thinking so I could have been thinking because I wasn’t thinking to think I could have been thinking I should have been thinking I wasn’t thinking.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay,” I said.
I wonder what sort of conversations did Mr. and Mrs. Rene Descartes have. Oh, for the record I only ate a half a cheeseburger as I had begun to think.
“I think I should be thinking about this cheeseburger, therefore I am.”
– Rene Descartes in his first attempt at proving his existence
– Paul R. De Lancey – culinary thinker
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
THANKSGIVING HAIKU #1
Defrost, damn turkey!
The guests will be arriving
In only one hour.
THANKSGIVING HAIKU #2
Feck! No potatoes!
Dear, will you go to the store?
What again? You dope.
THANKSGIVING HAIKU #3
Crudness, I forgot
To make the mashed potatoes
Will the guests notice?
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Much has been made of the communist nations horrific repression of their own peoples. Ne’er do wells such as Stalin and Mao come to mind. However, there is another evil side to communism that the mainstream media is afraid to report, the lack of golfing opportunities. Why just in our own hemisphere, we have Cuba with its two golf courses. Two. That sun-swept land would have had hundreds of golf courses if the country had only been a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, a telemarketer junta. Anything.
I blame communism completely for this lamentable lack of golf courses. Year after year, Cuba embarrasses itself with its non-existent production of world class golfers.
The United States, a democracy, is fertile ground for golfers. So are the countries of western Europe. Not many top golfers come from eastern Europe. However, eastern Europe is still coming out from the effects of Soviet communism. Producing golfers will take time.
I watched a South Korean golfer on T.V.–what’s his name?–win a major tournament. South Korea is a democracy. Sure, it was a dictatorship for decades before that. The point remains, though, South Korea was never communist and so is a credible global golfing power.
Sure, Thailand gets hit with tsunamis and suffers periodic military coups and frequent prolonged bouts with widespread civil unrest. However, this country too was never communist. Indeed, at least for a while, it mandated that all officers in its military become proficient in golfing.
So, if you value your golfing freedom, and I hope you do, in which country would you prefer to live and golf, South Korea or Cuba?
Fortunately, a new day dawns. A few years ago, Cuba announced it would let foreign investors take 99-year leases on Cuban lands. Right away, at least one foreign company announced plans to build up to 10, or was it 100 golf courses; I forget which. But either way, Cuba will be free to golf. The world has gotten brighter. Bluebirds sing.
But the horror of communism continues elsewhere, witness the hair style of North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Un. Be afraid, very afraid.
– Paul R. De Lancey – political commentator
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
CARBON HAIKU #1
Carbon, oh carbon!
Though you’re the eight element
I like you the best.
CARBON HAIKU #2
Carbon, oh carbon!
You’re in every pencil,
and all grammar schools.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
CHURCH POLE VAULTING HAIKU #1
I fly through the air
With such magnificent ease
Because you will not move.
CHURCH POLE VAULTING HAIKU #2
You are quite unable
To move toward the middle.
So I must pole vault.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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