Posts Tagged With: diamond

Greek Lemon Chicken

Greek Entree

LEMON CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSLemonChicken-

4 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 tablespoon oregano
1 teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon thyme
1½ pounds boneless chicken

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mince garlic. Add garlic, lemon juice, lemon zest, oregano, rosemary, and thyme to large mixing bowl. Blend ingredients together with whisk or fork. Add chicken.

Add chicken pieces and lemon juice mix. to casserole dish. Thoroughly coat chicken pieces with lemon juice mix. Bake for 50 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Ladle juice over chicken. Goes well with red potatoes, bell peppers, and rice.

TIDBITS

1) Santa Claus is Greek. His life resembles that of St Nicholas, a rich Greek philanthropist.

2) The ancient Greek gods lived on Mount Olympus. Mount Olympus is in Greece. Greece was the home of Saint Nicholaus. He was rich and gave generously to all the poor he met. So does Santa.

3) Santa Claus has a condo in Greece. He travels around the world on Christmas Eve giving presents to all the good boys and girls. He spends many of the remaining 364 days working on his tan at his condo’s beach, sipping ice-cold root beers, and munching on the highly caloric dessert, baklava, which explains his weight problem.

4) Santa’s Greek gift giving expanded when he hired all of Finland’s flying reindeer while moving to the North Pole. Sad to say, global warming now threatens his polar toy factory.

5) So the jolly man might have to move back full time to Greece where he’d be tempted even more by beautiful bikinied beach babes. And how long before the alluring babes held him and whispered to him in a husky voice for diamond rings and all them things? Sooner or later Santa would weaken and once started would he stop dallying? He might forget about his gift-giving sleigh ride altogether. And it would be all due to global warming. Which is why I drive a low-emission Prius.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

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Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ice Cubes and World Peace

Antarctic Entree

ICE CUBES

INGREDIENTIceCubes-

water

SPECIAL UTENSILS

glacier
pick axe
Siberian husky
panniers
Van Gogh painting
Twinkie
monastery
Porsche

PREPARATION – If you live near a glacier.

Take pick axe to glacier. Shatter a square foot of glacier ice into little ice cubes with your pick axe. Put panniers on Siberian husky. Put ice cubes in panniers. Have husky follow you back to your home. Will the lock on your door freeze up before your get your key in it? I hope not.

PREPARATION – If you have automatic ice maker in your refrigerator.

This method is much easier and safer than the above method. Many people get refrigerators just for this reason. Simply put your cup or bowl in the proper opening (Consult your refrigerator manual for proper placement of said cup or bowl.) Press the ice maker’s lever back. Ice cubes will fall into your cup. You will be happy.

Note, there will be an option with your ice maker for crushed ice. Use this daring option only when your are ready. In the meantime, play it safe and use the factory setting for ice cubes.

PREPARATION – If your refrigerator does not have an automatic ice maker.

You will have to go to an antique store and buy an ice cube tray. Fill tray with water. Open freezer door on refrigerator door. Spill water from tray. Leave door open. Fill tray again with water. Put tray in freezer. Close freezer door. Wait several hours while water in tray freezes and the moisture you let in the freezer when you left the door open too long forms into layers of frost so thick you could hide a wooly mammoth in it.

Open the freezer. Remove wooly mammoth. Remove ice cube tray. Try to remove ice cubes by lifting that lever. Bust lever. Curse. Hit counter top with ice cube tray. Chip counter top. Shatter ice cube tray. Watch ice cubes fly all over. Watch an ice cube hit your Van Gogh painting. (Why didn’t you buy a refrigerator with an automatic ice cube maker if you can afford a Van Gogh?) Watch ice melt on painting. Watch paint run. Assess the value of your new Van Gogh finger painting. It’s not high. Collapse to the floor crying. If you do not have a TwinkieTM nearby to calm you down, you will withdraw from society and join a religious order.

PREPARATION – if you have a car

Drive to the supermarket and buy a bag of ice. If you can afford it, go to a gourmet foods store and buy the brand, “Grandma’s Recipe.”

TIDBITS

1) Ice is frozen water

2) It’s harder than water, but not as hard a diamonds.

3) You can’t cut glass with an ice cube like you can with a diamond.

4) However, you could let your ice cubes partially melt and refreeze them into one big, weirdly shaped ice cube. You could shatter a window by throwing this huge cube at it.

5) You can’t do the same with diamonds. Diamonds don’t melt when taken out of the freezer. Not even if you live in the Saharan Dessert.

6) The French made great efforts to conquer and colonize the Sahara from the late 1800s to early 1900s. With every step taken into the great sandy interior, the French infantry found itself farther and farther away from its sources of ice.

7) Sure, the French possessed lots and lots of ice houses in mainland France. What civilized nation of that time did not? However, these French ice houses were far, so far away from the sand dunes of the Sahara and its relentless Sun.

8) No ice houses in the Sahara, no ice cream. No ice cream, no soldiers willing to enlist in the French army. The French army found itself reduced to enlisting the scum of the Earth in a special unit, the French Foreign legion. These men were so beyond accepted social norms that some of them had never ever put an ice cube in their root boor, let alone dine elegantly on three scoops of vanilla ice topped with chocolate syrup. Oh, oh, I can’t go on…

9) Just let me note that the United States acquired Alaska in 1867 and the Philippines in 1898. For various and manifold reasons which are beyond the scope of this recipe, we were forced to relinquish control of one of these two lands. Alaska has millions of square miles of ice. The Philippines do not. The United States kept Alaska.

10) Indeed, the untapped supply of ice cubes in Antarctica, estimated here at 1,456,000,000,000,000 ice cubes is so tempting, that in 1959 all the great nations of the world signed a treaty pledging themselves never to claim this frozen land.

11) And now the world is happy. Well, mainly.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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