Posts Tagged With: adulting

Venus. It’s hot.

Woke up, got up, showed, and dressed. I graciously accept a medal for Achievement in Adulting.

Went to my office. Saw no bunnies outside my window. Got bored. Dabbled in finance. Accidently destablized the entire global economy. Restablized everything before anyone noitced. So no harm, no foul.

Then I went to physical therapy for problems with my lower back. I really got a work out. All sorts of muscles were stretched. I felt as fit as Achilles, before an arrow shot into his heel killed him. Culinary historians call this problem an Achilles’ Arrow.

Any way, I felt fit! After 30 minutes of intense exercise, I was prepared to conquer the Summer Olympics. I called the International Olympic Committee, IOC, to tell them I was ready. They said sorry, that the Olympics already took place earlier this year.

What a bummer. I swallowed my disappointment by eating a huge meatball sandwich for lunch; no need to keep in shape. I discontinue my excercise regime.

I got groceries. I bought a pair of slip-on shoes. May they’ll help me win gold medals in the next olympics

3:22 pm: I activate my time machine. I wait 60 seconds for it to function.

3:23 pm: It’s exacly one minute later. My time machine works.

I am so proud. I shall call it a time piece.

3:25 pm: I drive home, taking full use of the miracle of internal combustion.

5:57 pm: America gets invaded by Venusians. My home is the site of the initial invasion.  They say that they’re conquering our planet because it’s so much cooler than theirs. I offer them some homade ice cream. They like it very much. So much so that they call off their attack with the proviso that I give them ice cream every year. I agree and even offer to throw in a big bag of homemade chocolate chips with each visit. They can’t believe their good luck. We part, having become the best of friends.

My frenetic day left me exhausted, so I relaxed by watching mind-improving comedies on TV.

I do hope you behaved yourselves while I was preoccupied.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.