I saw the following sign at the local nursery. It’s true as far as it goes. I, however, would add tacos and pets.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Award-winning author Carl La Fong dazzles us again with his latest self-help book, Serenity Through Tacos and Meditation. After all who doesn’t love tacos? Nobody. And meditation is so easy. You don’t even need glasses.
Learn serenity through his ten easy lessons.
Soon you’ll be chanting:
“I am the taco.
“I am meditation.
“I am the Serenity Emperor.
“Ohm.”
And who doesn’t want to be the Serenity Emperor? Buy Mr. La Fong’s book and become his Most Serene Highness. You’ll be glad you did.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Sure, lots of things can be good for you, when you do them. Vaucuuming and kale crunching come to mind. They’re might be some nutritional benefits to eating them but can you eat them. And don’t forget vacuuming kale is the only way vacuum will always fill your world with true serenity.
We can, with some effort, think of benefits accruing from cleaning house and eating healthy.
“Just don’t overdo things by actually doing them.”
– Carl La Fong, life coach
LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT , BUT NOT DO.
3) Cleaning House – Conventional wisdom holds that an ordered house indicates an ordered mind. Which, of course, makes you happy. But is this really true?
Sure cleaning your house provides us with a marginal, if at all perceptible, boost to our sense of well being. But if something horrible happens or we fall prey to a fit of depression by eating a seemingly endless bowl of naked romaine lettuce, what can we do to feel better, to restore our joie de vivre? Sure cleaning restores order and meaning to our universe. But we can’t clean an already immaculate home. With no activity at hand to rejeuventate our spirits we plunge into the depths of everlasting despair. We might even find ourselves reading War and Peace in the original Russian.
Can such cleaning make us healthier in the long run? Sure. But in the short run we become exhausted and feel sad about our weak body. We head home, flop face down onto our bed, and spiral ever downward into a bottomless well of depression.
4) Healthy Eating – Doctors and dieticians everywhere will tell you that you will live longer, ceteris paribus, everything else remaining equal. But not everything is equal, is it? Is a man drinking a kale smoothie likely to be happy? No, his will to live will slowly, but surely, ebb away until he quivers continually in a dark closet. His physical health faces existential deterioration. If you could look at his cell phone, you’ll find that he has the suicide hotline on speed dial.
And what of Farine du Blé gazing forlornly at her rabbit-food salad? What happens when she looks at the happy, laughing couple eating filet mignon and bacon-wrapped shrimp? Her heart will shrink to the size of a mustard seed. She will hate the mignon-munching couple. She’ll despise you. Her eyes will shoot daggers at me. She’ll loath every last one of us. Farine will retire to her shuttered, drape-closed home and never come out again. It won’t matter, if rabbit-food salads lenghter her life span or not, every day forcing down salady things will transform her pitiful existence into soul-squashing gloom.
Better yet, eat something you love, something you crave. Like cheeseburgers, tacos, and strawberry milkshakes. Sure, these foods aren’t technically good for you. But look at the unparalleled joy you’ll reap getting them into your tummy. You’ll gain the courage of a lion, the motivation of a hummingbird, and the happiness of a woman winning the lottery.
Oh, and if you do hanker for something healthy such as spinach be sure to dine on Chicken Florentine. Sure, it features spinach, but it also comes with chicken breasts and creamy sauces. You won’t feel as if you’re munching on heatlhy food. Indeed, with any luck at all, the unhealthy ingredients will overpower the spinach to the extendt that your outlook on life will explode with happiness. You’ll want to live. And you will. What more can you want?
“Remember, it’s healthier to think than to do.”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
OMG, danger!
Sure, lots of things can be good for you, when you do them. Eating mushrooms and lutefisk come to mind. They’re might be some nutritional benefits to eating them, but they are yucky in so many ways. And don’t forget lutefisk and mushrooms are the Devil’s tools. Do you really want to spend your afterlife in eternal torment on a lower level of Hell just to extend your life by 2.67 days?
Similarly, you can get your exercise by running, but the thing about running is that if you stop running for even moment, you will stop. It’s not like riding a bike where you can coast for twenty seconds at a time. The ability to coasting on bicycles is the primary that brains got bigger and bigger all the way back to Lucy of Olduvai Gorge to now.
This is not to say, it’s a bad thing to think about getting vitamins and exercise. Positive thinking always helps one’s self esteem and esteem. Just don’t overdo things by actually doing them.
LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT , BUT NOT DO.
1) Running – Can make you healthier in the long run, sure. But in the short run, you get exhausted and feel sad about your weak body. You go home, flop face down onto your bed, and spiral ever downward into a bottomless well of depression. Besides, you might hurt your feet and knees. Before you know it, you’re a protoplasmic pool of depressed goo. Just think happy thoughts of running a marathon.
2) Taking oodles of herbal supplements – Many herbal supplements can help you. Some are untested. Some have been found to contain ground up grass and rice. Boo! But the main worry arising from swallowing a bowl of supplements the size of Rhode Island is that your brain, your psyche, and indeed your very soul will rebel against this pill tsunami to such an exent that your mouth will flat out refuse to take one more supplement. (You’ll even write run-on sentences.) Soon you won’t be able to take vitamins, even gummy vitamins! This rebellion soons spreads to your temperment. Don’t be surprised if you go vigilante against peope with bad grammar or mismatched socks. Take it easy with supplements. Better yet, remain on an even keel and take none. Besides, there’s the omnipresent worry about choking to death on a multitude of such pills.
What to do when a supplement fiend asks you how many herbal-supplements you take? Simple, lie and say you take lots. Isn’t lying a sin? Yes, but murdering people who wear mismatched socks an even bigger one. I think you know the answer.
Remember, it’s healthier to think than to do.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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