I am Holding the Planet Jupiter For Ransom

That’s right,

I mean business.

Early this morning, I turned my Miniturizo Ray(tm) on Jupiter. The planet is now only four inches across, easy peasy for my PlanetoPull Ray(tm).

So, the entire planet Jupiter is now sitting comfortably in a little bowl on a table in my office.

And there it’s going to stay until I’m paid one trillion-and-five dollars.*
*The extra five dollars is just a negotiating play. That way the ransom payers can say they bargained me down and feel good about themselves.

Anyway, if you want to ever again see Jupiter in the night sky, you’d better come up with the cash, Nash.

The left-below picture shows Jupiter in my office. The right-below picture shows a NASA photo. Proof you cannot deny.

You don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get paid. I might draw a big butt on Jupiter. Or maybe I’ll just keep the planet as a paperweight.


– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “I am Holding the Planet Jupiter For Ransom

  1. italiadiva

    You’d better put it back the way it was. You are probably getting the whole gravitational system of the solar system out of whack. =========== Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. — Robert Benchley

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As usual, I volunteer to be your bodyguard when you go to collect the ransom.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmmm… better read Isaac Asimov’s famous short story “Buy Jupiter”. Fascinating tale about selling the advertising space on all that real estate on the surface of Jupiter… it did not end well.

    Has NASA or Elon Musk been in-touch yet? You could make a pretty penny selling the instructions for how you pulled it off. It could revolutionize inter-solar travel and make you VERY rich man… remember you heard the idea from me first, Professor Gazillionaire….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I won’t forget. In the meantime, if I were single, I’d have a great pickup line. “Come to my place and I’ll show you Jupiter.”


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