The Indy 500 would be one of the most exciting races ever, if you could see it. If you manage to attend the event, the cars will be too far away. They’ll look like differently colored ladybugs. And the race is so noisy. Sure you could watch the 500 on TV. But then you get to see only one or two cars at a time where they tend to keep pace with each other. What’s the excitement in that?
No, you need to see all the contestants at one time to appreciate all the drama. How about people running? We can rule out the longer distances such as the mile. In this case, the camera takes a wide view where the runners look like brightly colored, running lady bugs or it takes a close up, where we again see only two of the contestants.
How about sprinting? Hoo boy, Usain Bolt sure is fast and darned exciting to watch. But in these races, the whole thing is over in seconds. What do we do then with the rest of the day? We require a sport where we can see all of the entrants at any one time. We need a race that lasts minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Snail Rock Racing!
On your marks, get set, go!
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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What happens to the losers? Do they end up on the menu of the local French restaurant?
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