Slow Turtle Friends ™

Gentle Reader,

If you’re like me, it sometimes takes a while to get up of your chair, straighten up, and make your way to a different room. Once you get there, you’ve forgotten why you went there in the first place. It’s so demoralizing. “Can anyone be slower and more forgetful than I?” you think.

Why yes, there is. Turtles. This is where the good folks at Slow Turtle Friends, STF(tm) come in. They will sell or rent you one of their highly  taught turtles. Indeed, you should really watch their video on the turtles rigorous training program.

Slow Turtle Friends’ turtles are guaranteed to:

1) Instantly follow you.

2) Get to your destination after you.

3) Immediately forget your reason for going to some room, no matter how many times you told Trudy Turtle when you got up.

This will make your spirits soar. You’re not the slowest. You’re not the most forgetful. Your friend the turtle is. And it will always be that way.

Oh, the turtle will always make it back to you at your starting point. It just might take a while. And:

4) Turtles are really good listeners. Good listeners soothe your soul and lower your blood pressure.

Get yourself a Slow Turtle Friend today. Do it for your self esteem. Do it for you health. Just do it.


Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on

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