Posts Tagged With: squirrels

Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron

It’s well known that Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron strikes terror into the hearts of America’s enemies. As Colonel Boris Doctorov of Russia’s Intelligence Bureau said, “Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron Пугает пудинг из нас”* Indeed.

But wait! There’s more. Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squardron lends itself out to damsels in distress, bullied school boys, humiliated spreadsheeters, and all other victims of evil people and groups.

Contact them at their Facebook page, Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron and they’ll have a “chat” with your tormenter.

Best stay inside until the “chat” concludes.

* = Translated by culinary linguists as, “Scares the pudding out of us.”

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Flying Squirrel Squadron | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Know You Want to Party With Me

My pantry, it’s organized

I want straight from sleeping in bed to fighting a website in order to schedule an MRI. It was much harder than it should have been.

Watched a squirrel run around outside my outside door. The therapeutic value of squirrels is immense. Also, it just so happens that the squirrels who hide in the hedges are veterans from Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron. They worked alongside our regular armed forces and did the jobs that are literally too small for our human service people to do. They have seen things no squirrel should have to see and performed mighty deeds for our country. I salute you, my furry warriors.

Four 8-cup Mason jars were delivered last night. So with a lilt in my heart, I further reorganized my shelves of flours, sugars, etc.

A well-earned bowl of strawberry Cheerios provided the sustenance I needed for my next project.

I completely reorganized the pantry. I know, such fun!

Now, I’m writing up my activities in the hopes that they’ll inspire you to peform your own deed of greatness. And dare  I say it, impel you to meet up with me where we will knock back great steins of cranberry grape juice and sing the songs of our people until the police shoo us outside for causing a ruckus.

I will now take a bath–with bath bombs of course–and read a book about the worst modern teams in baseball.

And then at night, I’ll view the detective series Vera and Death Valley Days hosted by the Old Ranger.

You know you want to party with me.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: about me, lifestyle, party animal, what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saoto

Surinamese Soup

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SAOTO

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INGREDIENTS – BROTH­
1 pound chicken breast, boneless
1 small onion
3 garlic cloves
1 lemongrass stalk
1″ galangal root
4 cups chicken broth
4 cups water
3 berries allspice
1 Indonesian bay or bay leaf
2 teaspoons soy sauce
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INGREDIENTS – REST
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1 stalk celery
½ pound rice vermicelli
6 hard boiled eggs
½ pound bean sprouts
2 cups shredded cabbage
2 teaspoons sambal kecap, sambal oelek, or sriracha
½ cup shoestring potatoes
½ cup crispy fried onions
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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spice grinder
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION – BROTH
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Cut chicken into 2″ cubes. Dice onion. Mince garlic cloves. Mince inner green part of lemongrass. Use spice grinder to grind galangal into little bits. Add chicken broth and water to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add chicken cubes, galangal, onion, garlic, lemongrass, allspice, bay leaf, and soy sauce to large pot. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 1 hour. Remove chicken cubes with slotted spoon. Shred chicken using two forks.
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PREPARATION – REST
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Which broth simmers, dice celery. Break rice vermicelli into manageable lengths. Slice eggs in two. Add 2 egg halves to each soup bowl and an equal amount of bean sprouts, celery, cabbage, rice vermicelli, sambal, and chicken to each bowl. Ladle an equal amount of broth into bowls. Garnish with shoestring potatoes, and  crispy fried onion
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TIDBITS
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1) Once upon a time lived three squirrels called Berry, Onion, and Galangal.
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2) They all lived in their own tidbits in the far-off land of Surinam.
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3) They loved to eat Saoto.
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4) But the soup, Saoto, required chicken broth.
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5) But this was long ago. (See tidbit 1.) There were no supermarkets. So they couldn’t go down Aisle 7 and fill up their cart with chicken broth. What to do? What to do?
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6) “Why not encourage that roving herd of feral chickens to take baths in our little tide pool?” said Berry.
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7) “Yes, yes.” Onion flapped her little wings in excitement and actually flew 239 feet. This would be a record that would stand for millennia.
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8) Onion flapped her way back. Berry and Galangal spent the time looking for worms.
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9) “Well,” said Onion. “If the chickens spend enough time in the tide pool, we can use the water as chicken broth.
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10) It was at this time, Berry and Galangal pointed out to Onion, that he was, indeed, a squirrel and couldn’t have taken to the sky flapping chicken wings.
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11) “Well,” squeaked Onion, “you’re not chickens either. You’re squirrels. You shouldn’t be eating worms. Shame on you.”
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12) Stronger words were soon squeaked. Fur flew so freely that it blotted out the sky.” This was the first solar fur eclipse.
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13) There have been exactly sixteen such eclipses since then.
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14) The author is taking advantage of the squirrel fight to find out if squirrels are vegetarian.
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15) No they are not. Although they primarily nuts and such stuff, they will chow down on meat if the opportunity arises.
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16) However, I suppose a squirrel could remain a vegetarian for life. It could even be vegan. I mean how, on Earth, are squirrels going to milk a cow?
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17) Anyway, Berry, Onion, and Galangal having established themselves as omnivores, secure once more in their squirrelness, and realizing that their time in Tidbit Land was nearing the bottom of the page, made themselves some yummy Saoto soup.
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18) And they all lived happily ever after.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Carne Asada Tortas

Mexican Entree

CARNE ASADA TORTAS

INGREDIENTS – MARINADE

¼ cup fresh cilantro
3 garlic cloves
1½ pounds flank or skirt steak
½ teaspoon pepper
¼ cup lime juice
¼ cup olive oil (2 tablespoons more later)

INGREDIENTS – OTHER

1 medium onion
1 Roma tomato
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 bolillo, telera, or French rolls
grilling or cooking spray
½ cup refried beans
1 avocado
¼ cup crema Mexicana or mayonnaise

Makes 4 tortas. Takes 2 hours 40 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline (optional)
outdoor grill

PREPARATION – MARINADE

Dice cilantro. Mince garlic cloves. Add all marinade ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix by hand until steak is well coated. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours. Let excess marinade drip off steak. (If not, you will have some rather exciting flames coming from the outdoor grill.)

PREPARATION – OTHER

Preheat outdoor grill to high. Use mandoline or knife to cut onion and tomato into ¼” thick slices. Add onion and 2 tablespoons olive oil to pan. Sauté onion at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add steak to grill. Grill steak on high heat for 5-to-10 minutes on each side, depending on your desired level of doneness. Remove steak. Spray the cut side of roll halves with grilling spray. Put roll halves spray side down on grill. Grill on high heat for 1 minute or until grilled side of roll halves turn golden brown. Watch carefully. Remove from heat. Cut steak against grain into 4 pieces.

Add refried beans to pan. Cook on medium-high heat until beans are warm. Remove from heat. Peel and cut avocado into 4 slices. Spread crema Mexicana on all roll halves. Add steak strips to bottom halves of rolls. Add onion, tomato, and avocado slices to bottom halves. Make an indentation in top halves of rolls. Place refried beans in indentations. Carefully turn over top halves with refried beans onto the bottom halves with the meat and veggies. Olé.

TIDBITS

1) The Mexican Revolution of 1910-1920 revolved around exceedingly complex issues such as: democracy versus oligarchy, large landed owners* versus impoverished peasantry, the authority of the Catholic church versus secular governments, and the ambitions of powerful generals and local strongmen.

2) * = This is not to imply the land owners were large, perhaps from the eating of too many too many burritos stuffed with shredded beef, lettuce, queso fresco, guacamole, and crema Mexicana. No, they had large estates, haciendas, that ran** for many miles in many directions.

3) ** = Land cannot run. A really big earthquake, 9.0 on the Richter Scale for example, can send shock waves through the ground that look like an ocean wave to any bystander***.

4) *** = Not that you’ll be able to stand up during a 9.0 earthquake. Most likely you’ll be toast.

5) I’ve used my daily allocation of asterisks – *. Life moves on.

6) Anyway, toast in Spanish is tostada. Tostadas are made mostly with beans and corn tortillas, which are cheap. This is revolutionary bands in Mexico ate quite a bit of tostadas.

7) The factions uniting, however briefly, behind successive central governments always had much more money than the rebelling peasants. The authorities could afford steak. Their armies ate well, often dining on carne asada tortas, the dish featured here.

8) The Mexican civil war was a lengthy, bloody affair. Armed bands and their leaders, jefes, shifted allegiances like the wind. Sometimes they fought for the rights of the peasants and sometimes they deserted to the government, the desire to devour a juicy, scrumptious carne asada torta proving too strong the resist.

9) Of course, the Mexican vegetarians stayed true to the cause of the bean tostada. Sometimes, even the most carnivorous soldiers in the Federal army felt the need to cleanse the palate with the delightfully simple bean tostada. When this happened, they deserted back the rebels.

10) And so it went. Battles went this way. Battles went that way. It all came down to which side would strike the decisive blow, to which side appeared the fiercest.

11) Both the Federales and the rebels used people. That was kind of a tie. The forces searched for something else. Then in an accident of fate, Pancho Villa and El Presidente Carranza both hit on the idea of using giant inflatable balloons made from MylarTM. Villa’s soldiers brought huge inflatable squirrels to the battlefield of Celaya. Carranza’s men, however, carried enormous inflatable snakes with them. Snakes are much fiercer than squirrels. Villa’s army broke and ran. The Mexican Revolution was effectively over. This is also why there’s a snake on the Mexican flag. There you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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