Posts Tagged With: Paul DeLancey

The Horrible Truth

Posted on September 5, 2023 by pauldelancey

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Life’s Eternal Questions

Posted on August 7, 2023 by pauldelancey

There have been three puzzles bedeviling humanity’s greatest minds since the Age of Cavemen.

Now, I am pleased as Punch to announce the answer to one mystery. Please see the picture below and marvel at the newest signficant step in the ascent of humanity.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: explanations | Tags: cavemen, Chef Paul, chicken or the egg, cookbook, eternal questions, grapes, humanity, hunks, Lutheran, Paul DeLancey, Punch, recipes, thriller, world peace | Leave a comment

Wanda Wunder Wonders About Electrons

Posted on July 28, 2023 by pauldelancey

Wanda Wunder #31

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Wanda Wunder | Tags: apocalyptic, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, electrons, good food, graveyard, Lutheran, murders, Paul DeLancey, recipes, tombstones, Wanda Wunder, wonders | Leave a comment

Puzzle Triumph

Posted on July 26, 2023 by pauldelancey

I finished, working mostly without stops, at 3am. It took close to 21 hours. But its done.

The next puzzle won’t be for a while.

This kept me off the streets, where I would only foment revolution

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: about me | Tags: apocalyptic, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cookbook, good food, hunks, jigsaw, Lutheran, murders, Paul DeLancey, puzzle, recipes, revolution, streets, thriller | Leave a comment

PEPPER SOUP

INGREDIENTS

2¼ pounds chicken, beef, or goat

3 whole nutmegs or calabash nutmegs, or 2 tablespoons nutmeg

1 onion

1 Scotch bonnet, habanero, 2 serrano chiles, or bird’s eye chile

2 MaggiTM** bouillon cubes, flavor should match the meat

4 cups water

2 teaspoons ginger powder

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons shrimp or crayfish powder (or omit)

2 tablespoons scent leaves*: Thai basil, or tarragon

* = Scent leaves can be hard to find.

** = Doesn’t have to be the Maggi brand, but Maggi is extremely popular in Nigeria and much of the rest of Africa.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

spice grinder

sonic obliterator

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Grind whole nutmegs into powder. Dice onion. Seed and mince Scotch bonnet. (BE SURE to wash your hands thoroughly after touching the Scotch bonnet or its seeds. If however you touch your face after handing the Scotch bonnet or habanero, you will remember the pain it caused for a long time.)

Add chicken, bouillon cubes, onion, Scotch bonnet, and 4 cups water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add ginger powder, nutmeg, red pepper flakes, salt, and shrimp powder. Simmer on low for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add scent leaves. And simmer for another 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Use sonic obliterator on any guests who gives your any guff over any ingredient substitutions. You don’t need that negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) Culinary art historians will tell you, if you have the misfortune of being cornered by a feral gang of them, that the progression of European art can be summarized in the following eight stages.

2) First stage: Pre-prehistoric art.. How do we know it existed? We don’t. That’s why most of us cross the street to avoid a culinary art historian. (CAH.)

3) Second stage: .Prehistoric art, such as the wall paintings in the Lescaux Cave. Sadly, because this art comes from a prehistoric time, there are no written records of its history. Bummer. But it also gives rises to the age-old riddle, “Did prehistory inhibit written records or did the absence of written records spawn prehistory?” It is a contentious subject among the fractious CAHs.

4) Third stage: Roman art. Mosaics and wall paintings of geometric patterns, scenes from mythology, and pastoral landscapes. The Romans really liked the color red. Although when they really let their hair down, they would add black and yellow, hence the many mosaics at Bromidium depicting enraged wasps stinging tomatoes.

5) Moving onto the Fourth stage; (We really have to cover a lot of ground quickly as we only have one page.) Medieval art: Paintings depicted people of status in incredibly rigid poses. The current planking craze derives nearly all of its inspiration from Medieval nobility. Many Medieval artists made many Medieval medallions and incredibly expensive golden statues. Unfortunately, these stupendously valuable works got robbed by enterprising thieves. All gone. This explains why so few people study Medieval art. This six-sentence review is one of this period’s longest art studies

6) Fifth stage: Renaissance art. Really, an overall flowering of artistic ideas and techniques. The whole Renaissance era burgeoned with beauty. People love to study Renaissance art, their numbers limited only by the difficulty of spelling the word, “Renaissance.”

7) Sixth stage: Brown Gravy or Fifty Shades of Beige. Every freaking painting was painted in brown. It really does resemble brown gravy. Museum curators will tell you with admirably straight faces that post-Renaissance teemed with other colors. They say the painted walls, portraits, and tapestries of Hampton Court and the Louvre blazed with vibrant colors and only faded to brown over time.

8) Rebuttal: pish.

9) Brown’s supremacy derives from the massive importation of Nigerian Pepper Soup into Europe. Pepper-mad Europeans couldn’t get enough of this dish. Artists thought of Pepper Soup during every waking hour. Then dreamed of it every night.

10) This dish in this recipe is light brown and dark brown. So, is it any wonder that all Brown-Gravy artists worked only with brown? Where did the European artists get the funds to afford so much Pepper Soup? From the gold stolen in tidbit 5).

11) Seventh stage: Eventually artists went off feed and discovered other colors, such as can be found in fried eggs and split-pea soup. This naturally brought on the many-colored Impressionistic era.

12) Eighth stage: Modern art. It’s chock full of modern art. There, you are now an art expert.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: history, international | Tags: art history, brown gravy, cookbook, European, Hampton Court, impressonism, Louvre, medieval, modern art, Nigeria, nutmeg, Paul DeLancey, prehistoric, Renaissance, Roman art, soup | 2 Comments

I Simplify Jigsaw Puzzles

Posted on July 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun. Finishing them elicits effusive praise from guests. Completing the puzzle makes your spouse respect you for the first time in months. “You completed a project. Well done!”

However, puzzle solving can take hours, dozens of hours, and even dozens of weeks, if you even finish. Yep, you’ll probably give up. Your latest failure will drive her to desert you. Her farewell note of “You clod, I’ve run off with the milkman” will be all the more hurtful for the fact that your neighborhood hasn’t had a milkman in 40 years.

And if you stick to your puzzle quest, no matter the cost, chances are there will be a missing piece. Where did the piece go? Is it hiding somewhere on the floor, did it migrate to your sock drawer, or did your puzzle box simply have a piece missing? No matter, it’s missing. You won’t regain your mate’s love and adoration.

He: You didn’t finish the puzzle.
You: I did. All but one piece.
He: Like I haven’t heard that one before.

And then he leaves, claiming to go to the store to buy a particle accelarator. He doesn’t come back. Your life is bereft of joy. Well mostly, you do look forward to not picking up his socks anymore.

What’s the solution? A one-piece puzzle! Everyone of us finish that. And quickly, too. No more looking at a box of 1,000 pieces and guessing if they are all there. Buy the one-piece puzzle. We can all count to one. Yes we can.

Look below to see the one-piece puzzle I just completed..