Posts Tagged With: Mark Twain

Simple Loempias (Indonesian egg rolls)

Indonesian Entree

SIMPLE LOEMPIAS
(Indonesian egg rolls)

INGREDIENTSLoempias-

1 inch ginger root (or 1 tablespoon ginger powder)
2 chicken breasts
1 large carrot
1/2 pound white cabbage or cabbage
1/2 onion
1 8 ounce can bamboo shoots
2 tablespoons peanut oil (3-to-6 tablespoons later)
1/2 pound bean sprouts
1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 egg
24 egg-roll wraps
3-to-6 tablespoons peanut oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder
electric skillet

PREPARATION

Grind ginger root in powder with spice grinder. Dice chicken, carrot, cabbage, and onion. Add ginger. chicken, carrot, cabbage, onion, bamboo shoots, and 2 tablespoons peanut oil to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onions soften. Stir frequently.

Add bean sprouts, and soy sauce to pan. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat or until chicken is done. Stir frequently. Remove from heat.

Scramble egg in small bowl. Place one corner of an egg roll wrap toward you. Put 2 tablespoons of the chicken/veggie mix about 1/3 of the way up from the bottom corner. Fold bottom corner up until it covers the mix. Fold sides in until they touch the mix. Roll up wrap from the bottom. Spread some of the scrambled egg under and on top of the flap of the egg-roll wrap.. (This keeps it from unraveling.)

Put 3 tablespoons peanut oil in electric skillet. Heat oil to 350 degrees. Be careful putting eggs rolls into hot oil. (It’s a good idea to wear an apron, long sleeves, and hold the skillet top in your other hand while doing this.) Fry for 5 minutes or until spring rolls turn golden brown. Turn occasionally to ensure even cooking. You will probably need to fry in patches. Add up to 3 tablespoons peanut oil as necessary.
TIDBITS

1) Cabbage is an essential ingredient in this recipe. Cabbage also has a rich history in literature and culture as can be seen by the following quotes.

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
– Mark Twain

3) “’Good worts! Good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me?’

– Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor

3) “Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”
– Ambrose Bierce, A Devil’s Dictionary

4) “I want death to find me planting my cabbage”
Michel de Montaigne

5) “Idealist: One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup”
– H. L. Mencken

6) “At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage”
– John Andrew Holmes

7) “Cabbaged” is the longest word that can be played on a musical instrument. It probably sounds awful.

8) Cabbage has been used by many for decades to ridicule America’s government. It goes like this:
Lord’s Prayer – 66 words
Ten Commandments – 297 words
Declaration of Independence – 1,335 words
Gettysburg Address – 271 words
Federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage – 26,911 words

Unfortunately  the bit about the federal directive isn’t true. There is no source for it. Sorry.

9) “ A good wife, rich cabbage soup, what more do you need?”
– Russian Proverb

10) “At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage”
– John Andrew Holmes

11) “Like warmed-up cabbage served at each repast, repetition kills the wretch at last.”
– Juvenal

11) “Cabbage, eww!”
– Little kids everywhere

cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Updating Mark Twain’s Picket Fence

Perhaps you’re worried you guns will be taken from you. Perhaps you want something that will deter a vicious intruder in your home more than dewaltyour current arsenal of rubber bands, but is less lethal than an assault weapon in case of accidental use by the family. If so, DeWalt has something for you. Look at the weapon to the right. This baby can shoot a 16-D nail through a 2×4 at 200 yards.

But is it any use outside of defending your family from armed attackers? Is it dual purpose like my kitchen mallet that can crush  the skull of the robber inside my living room or flatten that chicken breast to make scallopini?

Yes it is. Remember famous scene where Tom Sawyer so convinces his friends that painting a picket fence is such fun they even pay him for the privilege of painting? Well suppose you want to put a picket fence around your front yard. You don’t want one of those faux plastic picket fences. You want an honest -to-goodness wooden one. But gosh you say, nailing all those pickets will take forever with a hammer. Is there an easier way?

I’m glad you asked. Simply lean all the pickets against the cross boards of your fence. Stock your lawn table with plenty of beer and pretzels and invite all your friends who own a DeWalt nail gun over for a party. Challenge your friends to hit those little pickets. After a few beers, they’ll be blazing away with their DeWalts. Over the course of an hour of shooting, enough bulls-eyes will occur to nail your fence together. And with a range of 200 yards you can put up a rather long picket fence. And like Tom Sawyer you’ll be the only one to know it was supposed to be work.

Of course, it must be said many of the fired nails will not hit their targets. Best to invite all your neighbors and their pets to your beer-and-pretzel party. Remember, the best position on guns is behind them.

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: