Posts Tagged With: Gunsmoke

Just a Cowboy at the Long Branch Saloon

Posted on February 2, 2025 by pauldelancey

A few days  ago,  I had the good fortune to be in Dodge City, Kansas. The TV show Gunsmoke took place in Dodge City. It’s a fantastic show. I love it. Anyway, I visited the Boot Hill Museum. Inside, is an authentic, as possible, recreation of Dodge City’s famous Front Street. Many of the exterior shots in Gunsmoke took place along this recreated street. The insides of the bars, shops, etc. are again fairly authentic as well. (Oh there is an illuminated exit sign. This is probably ahistorical). The people who put together Front Street really did a whizzo-bang-up job. Unfortunatley, Marshall Matt Dillon wasn’t in town. He was probably escorting a prisoner to Hays.

The below three pictures are the Long Branch Saloon

The first photo show me standing besides the bat-wing doors to the saloon.

The second photo depicts the inside of the Long Branch.

The last picture has the barkeep sliding my sarsaparilla drink along the length of the bar. I caught it without spilling a drop.

Please click on the following the see the bottle being pushed down the length of the bar: https://www.facebook.com/paul.delancey.3/videos/1438806430413214/

If necessary, copy it into Facebook or Google. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How to Win Gunfights

Posted on December 21, 2024 by pauldelancey

How many times has this happened to you? You’re minding your own business, when all of a sudden you find yourself in a showdown. Indeed, you’re in a gunfight.

How did this parlous situation occur? Perhaps you blundered into a political discussion. Perhaps you found yourself in a discussion on peace through religion. Maybe you argued too much on whether or not to add pickle juice to potato salad. Or perhaps you both went for the last piece of chocolate cake. Maybe you were at a supermarket getting ingredients for your holiday meal and some oaf is blocking the aisle with his shopping cart and words got said, words that couldn’t be taken back.

Whatever the reason, your getting set for a gunfight. You don’t want to die. The blighter who blocked the aisle nust perish. What do you do to win?

I’m glad you asked.

By all means, get ready to draw. Put your hand on your six shooter,

BUT DO NOT DRAW FIRST!

The person drawing first will actually find himself pulling the gun out of his holster slower than you because he is too busy thinking about when to draw, while you will draw faster because you act on reflax when you see his move.

Do this and you will win every time. You’ll acquire a reputation and shoppers will always, always, more their carts out of the way when you make your way down the aisle.

HOW DO WE KNOW THIS METHOD WORKS?

1)  Linus Pauling, the Nobel Prize Winner, observed all this during the many Western movies he watched. One day, he put his hypothesis to the test. He won every single simulated gunfight with his grad students.

2) Marshall Dillon won every showdown with the guys. Every single episode.

3) I employed this method in the gunfight at the start of the Gunsmoke episodes. I won every showdown. I repeatedly outdrew the great Marshall of the Old West.

THAT’S PROOF YOU CANNOT DENY.

So gun down the other guy. Stay alive by using my gunfighting technique.

You’ll say, “Thank you, Paul.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: gunfights, how to, how to use, Westerns | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Outdraw Marshal Dillon

Posted on January 9, 2015 by pauldelancey

I love the old western series Gunsmoke. I enjoy testing my gun slinging skills with Matt Dillon at the start of  the show. The result is bad for the marshal of Dodge City. I’ve won everyone showdown except three. My secret?

Don’t try to draw first, even when standing your ground. You’ll waste precious moments deciding when to draw and when you do that you’ll find a lead bullet burrowing through your chest. And that’s a bummer. However, when you wait for the other fella to draw your reflexes will take over and you’ll clear leather first.

I got the idea the idea from scientist Niels Bohr and fellow Ph.D.* He loved westerns and enjoyed fake gunfights with his grad students. He won everytime using the above method.

There you have it. There’s no downside to this. The annoying stranger is dead, you’re alive, and he made for his gun first so the killing is in self defense.

And as always, have a nice day.

* = Unfortunately, we are not fellow Nobel Prize winners.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  gunslinger

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Invite Syria’s Assad Over For Dinner and Root Beers

Posted on October 17, 2014 by pauldelancey

RootBe1-

Bashar al-Assad, president and dictator of Syria is getting way too cranky and needs to step down. And if the only thing that’s making him cling so tenaciously to power is the lack of a good retirement dinner, I, the Powegian Chef, am hereby offering it to him at my humble home.

So, Bashar, do you like Greek cuisine? I have fresh grape leaves growing in my front yard. Or would you prefer a fine Cuban sandwich? I’ll leave the menu to you. Just let me know.

We could watch reruns of Gunsmoke after dinner. We have a fold-out sofa bed if you’d care to stay the night. For the first ten minutes of the next day we could visit the cultural sites of Poway, twenty if we’re lucky enough to see street repair.

My wife could expertly cut your hair. Just a trim, of course, your hair always looks great. And just how do you find time to go to barbers when you’re always so busy killing off your people? Some of those victims surely must be barbers and that means it’s even tougher to get that haircut-to-kill for look . Yep, it can’t be easy being a maniacal dictator. But I’m being uncharitable. We all have our faults. Me, I’m constantly losing my car keys.

But I digress. We were talking about dinner. Frankly, a person as odious as yourself deserves to be fed lutefisk. But in the spirit of live and let live, I’ll serve you any other meal you’d might want. We’ll even have ice cold root beers. If that doesn’t make you warm and fuzzy enough to call off your civil war, I don’t know what will. C’mon over Bashar!

– Paul De Lancey, concerned world citizen

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Again Invite Fidel Castro Over For Dinner

Posted on October 27, 2012 by pauldelancey

A year ago, I offered Fidel Castro a retirement dinner to celebrate stepping down  as the ruler of Cuba after about only 52 years. I, the Powegian Chef, offered it to him at my humble home. Did he RSVP? Heck no? So, I’m offering one last time. What about it Fidel? I offered President Obama a dinner at my home. He didn’t bother to reply either. What happened? I’m running against him on the Bacon & Chocolate Party. All polls that I follow show B&C’s popularity surging, carrying me into the White House in November. So I suggest your RSVP “yes.” After all biting into a sandwich with hidden lutefisk in it fills the eater with severe depression. Just saying.

So, Fidel, do you like Swedish cuisine? My grandmother was from Sweden and passed on a great, authentic recipe. Or would you prefer a fine Cuban sandwich, Cuban stuffed peppers? I’ll leave the menu to you. Just let me know.

We could watch reruns of Gunsmoke after dinner. Sorry, no post-prandial cigars at this home, but wouldn’t you really rather have a peanut-butter milkshake?

We have a fold-out sofa bed if you’d care to stay the night. For the first ten minutes of the next day we could visit the cultural sites of Poway, twenty if we’re lucky enough to see street repair.

And my wife could shave off your unruly beard. She’s really good.

C’mon over Fidel, we’ll treat you right.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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