People often ask me, “Paul, what is the secret to culinary happiness?” Here are four more tips.

1) Know what T, t and c mean in recipes. A bread loaf with 1/2 cup (1/2 c) of vanilla extract packs a much stronger taste sensation than does 1/2 teaspoon (1/2 t.) Similarly, be prepared to have your guests hate you for the rest of their lives when you serve them a dish with 1 tablespoon (1 T)  of diced ghost chiles instead of the correct amount of 1 teaspoon (1 t)

2) Chili sauce comes from chiles, unless you’re from a part of the country where it comes from chilis. Or even chillis.

3) Do not cook in the nude. Not ever. Hot bacon grease splatter hurts oh so much when it lands on your face. Imagine what it’ll feel like when it hits one of the more exciting parts of your body. If you do get hot bacon grease or oil or your hand, place it immediately under running cold water. Good luck getting your special bits under the cold-water faucet. And if you do, it’s almost a certainty your postal carrier will be walking by your kitchen window at that precise moment.

4) No matter many herbs and spices you have, and I possess more than one hundred, there will be so many times when you’ll find you’re missing an  ingredient essential to your meal. Try to marry someone who will love you enough to enough to drive to the store for that one item.  And then do the same thing 186 more times.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.