Posts Tagged With: dessert

S’mores Latte

Posted on November 19, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

S’MORES LATTE

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INGREDIENTS
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½ teaspoon chocolate syrup (1½ tablespoons more latter)
2 tablespoons crumbled graham crackers
1½ tablespoons chocolate syrup
⅔ cup whole milk
⅔ cup espresso or strongly brewed coffee
1½ tablespoons mini-marshmallows
1 teaspoon chocolate shavings* (optional)
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* = Can be made using chocolate bar and grater.
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Serves 1. Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Wet both sides of the mug’s rim with ½ teaspoon chocolate syrup. Roll mug  in crumbled graham crackers. Use hands to pat crumbled graham crackers to inside rim. Add 1½ tablespoons chocolate syrup and milk  to small pot.  Heat mixture using medium heat until nearly boiling. Stir constantly. Add coffee to mug. Add heated syrup and milk. Stir with spoon until well blended. Sprinkle latte with mini-marshmallows. Top with chocolate shavings.
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TIDBITS
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1) People love S’mores. People crave latte. So which is better in a head-to-head catchup, S’mores or S’mores Latte?  But first what is a S’more? A S’more consists of toasted marshmallows and chocolate sandwiched between two graham crackers.
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2) Which has the more toastable marshmallow? S’mores does. The large marshmallow used in S’mores lends itself better to toasting on stick over a campfire. The min-imarshmallows perform poorly here. S’mores – 1, S’mores Latte- 0.
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3) Do you have a campfire in your home? Probably not. S’mores – 1, S’mores Latte – 1.
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4) Do you want to go camping out in the creepy, crawly cold woods just to use a campfire? Probably not. S’mores Latte – 2, S’mores: -1.
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5) Which is better at fighting off a charging Tyrannosaurus Rex? I suppose you could hit the T-Rex with your S’more, but at best it’ll just stick to the fearsome beast, because of the melted marshmallows. Or, you could throw your hot S’mores into the monster’s eyes, blinding it for minutes while you make your getaway. S’mores Latte – 3, S’mores – 1. A convincing victory for S’mores Latte. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Strawberry Bundt Cake

Posted on November 14, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CAKE
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1 pound fresh strawberries (1 ounce more later)
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoons baking soda
3¼ cups flour
¾ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup butter, softened (2½ tablespoons more later)
3 eggs
1½ cups sugar
½ tablespoon vanilla extract (½ teaspoon more later)
⅔ cup vegetable oil
1 cup whole milk (2½ tablespoons more later)
2 drops red food coloring gel
no-stick baking spray
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INGREDIENTS – GLAZE
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1½ ounces fresh strawberries
2½ tablespoons butter, softened
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2½ tablespoons whole milk
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric blender
electric beater
10″ bundt pan
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours.
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PREPARATION – CAKE
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add 1 pound strawberries to electric blender. Puree strawberries. Add baking powder, baking soda, flour, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add  ⅔ cup butter, eggs, sugar, ½ tablespoon vanilla extract, vegetable oil, and 1 cup whole milk to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add pureed strawberries and red food coloring gel. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Gradually add in the dry mix from the small bowl into the liquid mix of the large bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until just combined into batter.
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Generously spray bundt pan with no-stick baking spray Pour batter into bundt pan. Level batter with spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Use butter knife to loosen cake from the bundt pan Let cake cool for 15 minutes. Invert cake onto plate. Let cool completely before icing.
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PREPARATION – GLAZE
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Add 1½ ounces fresh strawberries to blender. Puree strawberries..Add pureed strawberries, 2½ tablespoons butter, confectioners’ sugar, and ½ teaspoon vanilla extract to medium mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until well blended. .
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Gradually add 2½ tablespoons whole milk or until glaze thickens and is just pourable. Pour glaze evenly over the cooled cake. Allow glaze to drip down the size. Let set for 5 minutes before serving.
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TIDBITS
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1) Strawberries were known as wartsberries in France in from 1178 to 1347.
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2) All Medieval peasants suffered greatly from warts.
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3) Their wart-free neighbors shunned them. “Ew,” said the nearby farmers.
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4) Downcast, dispirited, and depressed, the wart-ridden peasants joined the King’s army in hopes of campaigning abroad.
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5) What luck!. The Hundred Years War erupted, started even, in France in 1347.. Off went the English to France.  Archer Jack Strawberry wasn’t even on French soil for six minutes when he stumbled, falling face first into a wartberry patch.
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6) When he arose and drew himself up to 90 percent of his full height, his archer companions gasped. His warts has completely disappeared. “By St. George’s darned socks, it’s a miracle,” said Elric Sod. And with Elric’s impimatur, the entire English army rolled and rolled into the wartsberry patch. Grateful archers, men at arms, and knight renamed the wartberry to, strawberry in his honor.
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7) I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it happen, but when an army miraculously loses all its warts, it becomes world beaters. “God is clearly on our side,” said Sod. “Who can stand against us.”
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8) And indeed, no French army could stand up to the wartless English.
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9) Then everything changed. In 1428, the Archangel Michael appeared to Joan, a peasant botanist living in the town of Do Re Me. “Joan, take your botanical knowledge to King Charles VIII; as he surely has none.”
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10) So Brainy Joan made her way to the royal court. “Your majesty,” said she. “To defeat the cursed English, you must destroy every strawberry patch in France. Without strawberries, warts will once more sprout like weeds upon the soldiers. Their morale will plummet and your army will vanquish them time after time. Impressed by Joan’s piety and botanical acumen., Charles VIII did what she said. The French would evict the English for good. Brainy Joan would become Saint Joan. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blueberry Cheesecake

Posted on October 20, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CRUST
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¼ cup butter
1 ¼ cups graham crackers, usually about 1 package
¼ cup sugar (1 cup and 6 tablespoons more  later)
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INGREDIENTS – FILLING
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4 8-ounce packages of cream cheese
5 eggs
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch (1 tablespoon more later)
¼ teaspoon salt
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INGREDIENTS – TOPPING
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2½ cups, about a 16 ounce bag, of fresh or frozen blueberries
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1½ cups sour cream
6 tablespoons white sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ cup water
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor
9″ * 12″ casserole dish
wire rack
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PREPARATION – CRUST
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Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Use medium heat to melt butter. Turn the graham crackers into crumbs by using food processor. Pour the melted butter, crumbs, and ¼ cup sugar into casserole dish. Mix thoroughly with fork. Press firmly and uniformly on the mixture. Bake at 325 degrees for 10 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on a wire.
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PREPARATION – FILLING
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Place cream cheese, eggs, 1 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons cornstarch, and salt into large mixing bowl. Use electric beater to combine ingredients. Start on lowest setting and gradually increase the speed of the beaters to the highest setting. (Your kitchen walls might resemble modern art if you immediately start with the highest setting.) Add to casserole dish. Bake for 70 minutes at 325 degrees or until cheese center barely moves when casserole dish is moved. Let dish cool down. Chill completely in refrigerator.
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PREPARATION – TOPPING
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Puree blueberries and 1 tablespoon cornstarch in food processor. Add to medium mixing bowl. Add sour cream, and 6 tablespoons sugar, vanilla extract, and water. Blend with fork or electric beater set at medium. Add this topping to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir constantly. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for about minutes. Stir constantly. Ladle topping onto cheesecake. Spread evenly with spatula. Refrigerate until chilled.
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TIDBITS
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1) Barbarian tribes used the cover of winter to repeatedly mount surprise invasions of China. “Let’s  pay attention,” said General Hua. “They can’t get past us if we’re ready.” But General Hua got fired for eccentric whistling. The barbarians surprised the successor commander. And so it went.
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2) “We need something that never relaxes its guard,” roared Emperor Foo Yung. “Make it so.”
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3) A light bulb lit up above the chief ice sculptor’s head. “No one can push his way through a wall of frozen blueberries. Why not fortify our northern border with a line of frozen blueberries?” So, engineers constructed the Great Frozen Blueberry Wall of China (GFBWC.) The winter invasions ceased.
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4) The wily barbarians moved their cross-border incursions to summer. For there are measures and counter measures to everything.
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5) Disgusted with the failure of the GFBWC, Emperor Wing ordered it to be torn down.
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6) Northern riff raff now raided China all year long. “Stop the barbarians,” commanded Wing.
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7) A light bulb lit up above the chief food taster’s head. “No one here eats blueberry. No civilized people would climb over blueberries. It’s bad luck. Why not put mounds of blueberries across our northern border? ” So, the Ting Tang Chinese constructed the Great Blueberry Wall of China. (GBWC.)
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8) But the Mongols were not civilized. In addition to their incessant fighting, killing, and pillaging, the Mongols loved desserts. But no blueberries grow in their homelands. They could not make Blueberry Cheesecake. The lack of their favorite dessert would make them crabby enough to fight, kill, and pillage blueberry-rich countries.
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9) Then one fine day, Lil’ Genghis rode up to his father. “Daddy, the Chinese have built a huge wall made  entirely of blueberries! We can make all the Blueberry Cheesecake we want.”
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10) The next day, Mongol dessert chefs used up every blueberry in the GBWC to make countless Blueberry Cheesecakes. The way to China lay open. Genghis Khan would take full advantage. The Scourge of the Mongols would paralyze Asia and Europe for over 100 years. But the ice sculptor and the food tester went on to invent hovering light bulbs. So, some good came out of this.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bastani Sonnati (Saffron Ice Cream)

Posted on October 1, 2024 by pauldelancey

Persian Dessert

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BASTANI SONNATI

(Saffron Ice Cream)

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INGREDIENTS
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¼ teaspoon saffron threads
1 egg yolk
1¾ cups heavy cream
⅔ cup sugar
1⅓ cups whole milk
2½ tablespoons rosewater
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ cup chopped pistachios – raw, unsalted
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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Dutch oven
1 4-cup Mason jar
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Makes 3½ cups. Takes 30 minutes plus 8 hours in the freezer.
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PREPARATION
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Add saffron threads to medium mixing bowl. Crush saffron threads with fingers. Add egg yolk to small mixing bowl. Beat yolk with fork or whisk until well blended. Add heavy cream, sugar, whole milk, and crushed saffron to Dutch oven. Cook for 4 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Stir constantly.
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Slowly add hot saffron/heavy cream mixture to mixing bowl with blended egg yolk, whisking constantly. Add saffron/heavy cream/egg yolk mixture to Dutch oven. Cook for 7 minutes or until mixture thickens and coats a spatula.
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Remove from heat. Add rosewater and vanilla extract. Blend with fork or whisk until you get a well blended ice cream. Hold both handles of Dutch oven and carefully pour ice cream to Mason jar. Mix with whisk until well blended and saffron are evenly distributed. Tightly close Mason jar. Vigorously shake Mason jar. (You really want the saffron bits to be evenly spaced. Shake again if saffron bits have settled to bottom of jar.)
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Chill in freezer or until ice cream sets completely. Top ice cream with pistachio bits before serving.
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TIDBITS
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1) Beethoven wrote sonatas. I’ve created a sonnati. The score is tied: Beethoven – 1, Me – 1.
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2) Beethoven composed symphonies. As of press time, I have not. Beethoven wins 2 to 1.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Angel Food Cupcake

Posted on March 22, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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ANGEL FOOD CUPCAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CUPCAKES
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½ cup cake flour*
⅓ cup sugar (⅓ cup more later)
⅛ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon cream of tartar
5 egg whites
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract (¾ teaspoon more later)
1 tablespoon warm water
⅓ cup sugar
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* = or ½ cup flour and 3 tablespoons cornstarch
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INGREDIENTS – WHIPPED CREAM FROSTING
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¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
1½ cups heavy whipping cream
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract
fresh fruit topping (optional)
sprinkles, also known as nonpareils.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
cupcake pan or pans with 15 cups
15 non-stick cupcake liners
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Makes 15 cupcakes. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION – CUPCAKES
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put cupcake liners in cupcake pan. Add cake flour, ⅓ cup sugar, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Add cream of tartar, egg whites, ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on low-medium for 1 minute or until egg whites become foamy. Set beater to medium-high and slowly add ⅓ cup sugar. Blend for 3 minutes or until soft peaks form.
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Use spatula to gradually and gently fold the cake-flour mixture into the egg whites. (Adding the cake flour too quickly will cause the egg whites to deflate.) This is the batter. Spoon batter into non-stick cupcake liners until they are ¾ full. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until lightly brown around the edges and toothpick inserted all the way down into the middle of a cupcake will come out clean. Place cupcakes on wire racks until completely cool.
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PREPARATION – FROSTING
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While cupcakes cool, add confectioners’ sugar, heavy whipping cream, and ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract to 3rd mixing bowl. Set electric beater to medium-high and whip until mixture becomes fluffy. (A medium peak should form when the beater is taken out of the mixture. Over whipping the mixture will turn it into butter. This step happens quickly.) Use spatula to spread frosting over cupcakes. If desired, garnish with fruit bits and sprinkles.
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TIDBITS
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1) The act of throwing someone out a window is called defenestration.
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2) In 1419, the good people of Prague threw important government officials out a window. The event is known as the First Defenestration of Prague and the Second Tidbit of Angel Food Cupcakes.. The result proved to be unarguably bad for the officials as they died. The defenestration arose from religious and political factors and a shortage of cupcakes.
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3) From 1420 to 1482 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes were plentiful.
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4) In 1483, discontent reared its ugly head. Common sense and government officials went out the window. Culinary historians point to the religious radicalization of the cup-cake guilds.
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5) From 1484 to 1647 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes remained plentiful. Tidbit 2) and Tidbit 4) were truly golden ages of peace and prosperity in Prague.
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6) Prognostication, the study of predicting events does not derive from the word “Prague.” However, don’t feel bad if you thought it did, as you are in good and numerous company.
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7) Window tossing made a comeback in 1618 when the Prognosticators, oops, Praguers tossed two government officials out a window. This is known as the Third Defenestration of Prague. The usual trio of politics, religion, and cupcakes prompted this notorious aerobic act. Unlike the previous two window hurlings, this one started a continent-wide war of 30 years. In 1649, everybody said, “I’d like to take back the Third Defenestration. If only we could return to halcyon era of Tidbit 4.”
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8) I’ve been to the window of tidbit 7. The government officials survived their fall due to the fact the window was only on the second floor and the mulch below cushioned their fall. No one likes to be pitched down onto decomposing hay, vegetables, and perhaps manure. So, we can well understand the officials advocating for a thirty-year war.
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9) On the other hand, starting a war than convulsed Europe for decades does seem to be an over reaction to a bit of out-the-windowing. If only the officials had taken an anger management course. Then bloody conflict would not have stalked the lands. Ah well.
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10) In 1994, Prague’s city council passed laws and regulations ensuring adequate cup cake production. The municipality has been at blessed peace ever since. Whew.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dragon Fruit Jam

Posted on February 27, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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DRAGON FRUIT JAM

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INGREDIENTS
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1 dragon fruit
2 tablespoons lemon juice
½ cup water
3½ tablespoons pectin
¾ cup sugar
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 * ½ cup Mason jars. (They really must be hot and newly sterilized.)
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Makes 1 cup. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Peel dragon fruit. Cut dragon fruit into ½” cubes. Add dragon fruit, lemon juice, and water to pot. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning and until well blended. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 15 minutes or until dragon fruit become quite soft. Stir enough to prevent burning and until well blended..
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Add pectin. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir slowly and just enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low-medium for 10 minutes or until pectin dissolves completely. Add sugar. Stir until sugar dissolves completely. Bring to low, or rolling, boil using medium-high heat. Boil for 1 minute. Stir slowly and just enough to prevent burning. Skim off any foam from this jam. Remove from heat.
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Spoon jam into hot, newly sterilized Mason jars. Let cool for 10 minutes. Store in refrigerator for 3 weeks.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe uses dragon fruit. Dragon fruit is a tropical fruit chock full of antioxidants, fiber, and iron. It might improve metabolic health, Give it a try.
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2) One dragon fruit is not the same as one dragon and one fruit, such as a strawberry. Don’t confuse them. Dragon fruit can be found in supermarket. Dragon fruit will let you take it home with no fuss to speak of.
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3) Dragons however remain difficult to find. I’ve seen a feral dragon in some years now. All to be fair, I don’t venture out much anymore. You need to bribe a dragon with a gold coin in order to get it to follow you home. I urge care and speed when cutting a dragon into ½” cubes. They don’t like it! May I suggest first honing your slicing skills with the easy-going strawberry?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stroopwafel

Posted on December 26, 2023 by pauldelancey

Dutch Dessert

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STROOPWAFEL

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INGREDIENTS – WAFFLE
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¼ cup milk, warm
2¼ teaspoon yeast
½ cup butter, softened (⅓ cup more later)
2 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
2¼ cups flour
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INGREDIENTS – FILLING
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1 cup brown sugar
⅓ cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons light corn syrup*
3 tablespoons molasses*
¾ teaspoon cinnamon
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* = Or substitute stroop syrup for these two ingredients. Stroop syrup can be found online.
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INGREDIENT – ASSEMBLY
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no-stick spray
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
pizzelle maker
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION – WAFFLE
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Add warm milk and yeast to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add ½ cup butter, eggs, and salt. Mix with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Add flour and knead until a smooth dough ball forms. Divide dough ball into 12 mini dough balls. Cover with cloth and set aside for 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – FILLING
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Add all filling ingredients to pan. Stir over low heat until butter and brown sugar melt. Let sit for 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Spray pizzelle maker with no-stick spray. Add a mini dough ball to center of each spot in the pizzelle maker. Press down on mini dough ball with spatula or oven mitt until it gets to about ½” of the edge of each pizzelle spot. Use pizzelle maker’s instructions to cook mini dough balls into cookies. Remove cookies. Use spatula to spread 1½ tablespoons filling over all of 1 cookie. Place a 2nd cookie on top of cookie with filling to form Stroopwafel. Repeat until all cookies have been used.
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TIDBITS
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1) Many people wonder how to pronounce “stroop” in Stroopwafel.
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2) Is it pronounced stroop or stroop?
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3) In fact, the second pronunciation is correct.
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4) Now you know.
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5) For the longest time, I never made this dessert as I had never thought this dessert was worth the money needed to buy a pizzelle.
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6) Pizzelle is a strange looking word.
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7) Anyway, I got a pizzelle maker for Christmas. Apparently Santa thought I had been rather well behaved.
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8) And indeed, I had indeed carried myself with distinction.
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9) Okay mostly.
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10) Well, just enough of the time to merit a pizzelle maker.
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11) I’m not giving it back. I’m not! I’m not, not even if I received it by mistake.
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12) How could I have received a pizzelle maker by mistake?
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13) I’m guessing that Santa’s sleigh made quite a sharp turn over my chimney to avoid a drone and a pizzelle making came tumbling down out of the toy sack.
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14) Santa hates drones for this very reason.
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15) More and more people and companies are buying drones. The Christmas Eve sky gets ever more difficult for Santa and his deer to navigate.
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16) Culinary Santologists say that Santa’s planning to deploy missile-defense systems on his sleigh for next year’s present run. Now, we’ll really see who’s naughty or nice. Ho! Ho! Ho!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Vanilla Frosting

Posted on December 7, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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VANILLA FROSTING

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup butter, softened
3½ cups confectioners’ sugar
3 tablespoons whole milk, room temperature
1¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
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Makes enough to frost 2 9″ cakes. Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add butter and confectioners’ sugar to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until mixture becomes fluffy. Add whole milk and vanilla extract. Blend using electric beater set on medium until frosting become fluffy and smooth.
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TIDBITS
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1) Most people believe that punk rock is a relatively new phenomenon*, starting in the 1970s. Modern punk rock’s features electric guitars. The first widely popular punk was the Sex Pistols.
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2) * = By the way, phenomenon** is a hard word to spell. So, is the song “Mahna Mahna” as sung by the Muppets(tm)
, which in turn was heavily based on “Mah Nà, Mah Nà,” by Piero Umiliani.
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3) Anyway, culinary musical historians tell us that punk-rock first surfaced in 1587. There were no electric guitars in 1587, because there were no electrical outlets. Nor many giga watt electrical power stations either during the reign of Elizabeth II. Nor many true guitars. In fact, the Elizabethan Age’s punkest musical instrument, the violin, was invested during her reign. Go, good Queen Bess.
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4) Philip II of Spain, a fervent Catholic, hated Liz’s Protestant England. Catholics and Protestants all over loathed each other. Indeed, Monarchs often burned followers of the wrong religion, Speaking of burning heretics, you were wise not to bring up religion at BBQs or any gathering, really.
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5) Then in early 1588, Flagrant Violins, the first true punk band, came out with “Philip II is a Fathead.” The song hit the top of the charts. An already irate Phil hit the roof. Indeed, he ordered the construction of the mighty Armada to conquer England.
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6) English sailors and cold winter winds destroyed the Armada. Spain would never again threaten England. But it had been a near thing. So, good Queen Bess forbad punk rock music until April 1, 1970. The anagram loving queen even ordered Flagrant Violins to change its name to Vanilla Frosting. English chefs thought, “Vanilla Frosting, what a good idea!” Which is why we have cakes with this frosting. Life is good.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lemon Cooler Cookies

Posted on November 30, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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LEMON COOLER COOKIES

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INGREDIENTS – COOKIES
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¼ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
2 cups flour
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup butter, softened
1 egg
½ tablespoon fresh lemon zest
4 teaspoons lemon juice
1 cup sugar
¾ teaspoon lemon extract or vanilla extract
1¼ cup confectioners’ sugar
7 packages True LemonTM crystals *
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* = Available in stores or online.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
parchment paper
2 baking sheets
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Makes 48 cookies. Takes 4 hours.
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PREPARATION – COOKIES
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Add baking powder, baking soda, flour, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add butter, egg, fresh lemon zest, lemon juice, sugar, and lemon extract to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until thoroughly blended. Gradually add dry mix to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until dough is thoroughly blended. Cover and refrigerate dough for 1 hour 30 minutes.
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While cookies cool, add confectioners’ sugar and True Lemon crystals to small mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until well blended. Preheat oven to 340 degrees. Place parchment paper on cookie sheets. Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Place dough balls on parchment paper. Leave a 1″ gap between dough balls. Bake at 340 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. (Baking times for any successive batches may vary.) Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate.
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After the 2 minutes elapse, add cookies to bowl with confectioners’ sugar/True Lemon mix. Gently turn cookies until there are completely coated with mix. Let coated cookies sit for 1 hour or until completely cooled. Add coated cookies back to confectioners’ sugar/True Lemon mix and gently turn cookies until are completely coated again.
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TIDBITS
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1) Snowball fights are fun, especially for the kids.
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2) As you can get older snowball fights begin to lose their appeal. For one thing, these fights only when snows sticks to the ground.
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3) When that happens, the adults have to shovel sidewalks.
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4) We have to drive in snow. Our cars kid snow turns to ice.
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5) We have to wear parks, snow boots, and long johns. Oh my.
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6) How can we make winter more fun?  By injecting the winter months with philosophy.
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7) “I think it’s cold, therefore I shiver.” Rene Descartes.
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8) Well, that didn’t help much, did it?  Rene turned to his chef friend, Pattes de Mouche for help. Pattes added lemon zest, lemon juice, and lemon extract to snow balls. Yellow snow ball fights adorned wintry French countryside and cities. What fun!
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9) Until January 17, 1665 a peasant called Jacques Bonnhome threw a rather icy snowball at King Louis XIV, the Sun King. It hit the Big Cheese in the temple.
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10) Now, Louis was already quite crabby being a sun king in the middle of winter. After all, what was this point of being king of the Sun whine he couldn’t command it to melt away snow.
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11) Anyway, the snowball rather hurt. Already barely hinged, Louis became completely so and declared war on just about everybody.
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12) His constant wars drained the French treasury and impoverished the peasantry.
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13) Indeed, Louis XVI had to convene the first French parlement in over 100 years to levy taxes on the nobles. The aristocracy objected. Things were said in anger, words that couldn’t be taken back such as, “Ta maman.” Things got out of hand.
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14) Discontent burgeoned to such an extent that many people lost their heads and soon we had the ever so messy French Revolution. Things didn’t really settle down until the establishment of the Third French Revolution in 1871.
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15) Suitably aware of the terrifying consequences of yellow snowballs, the government banned them. But what were the men who sold the ingredients that made these yellow spheres to do?
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16) Unemployed lemon zest, lemon juice, and lemon extract makers almost started an second revolution. But then chef Jaune Poivre baked the Lemon Cooler Cookies of this recipe. French lemon growers now had a market for their goods. Peace and harmony would henceforth reign in France, with the exception of a world war or two. Now, you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, international, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Apple Cinnamon Cookies With Maple Icing

Posted on October 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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APPLE CINNAMON COOKIES WITH MAPLE ICING

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INGREDIENTS – COOKIES
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½ cup butter, softened
¾ cup brown sugar
1 egg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¾ teaspoon baking soda
1¼ teaspoons cinnamon
2 cups flour
½ teaspoon salt
1⅓ cups diced*, peeled apple (Your preference: Granny Smith = tart, Fuji = sweet)
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* = 1 Granny Smith apple
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INGREDIENTS – ICING
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1 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 teaspoons milk
½ tablespoon maple syrup
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
2 baking sheets
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Makes 30 cookies. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION – COOKIES
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add butter and brown sugar to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until mixture becomes fluffy. Add egg and vanilla extract. Blend with electric beater set on medium until thoroughly blended.
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Add baking soda, cinnamon, flour and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Gradually add this dry mix to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until dough is thoroughly blended. Fold in diced apple.
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Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Leave a 1″ gap between dough balls. Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. (Baking times for any successive batches may vary.) Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate. Let cookies sit until completely cool.
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PREPARATION – ICING
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While cookies bake, add confectioners’ sugar, maple syrup, and milk to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until thoroughly blended. Use knife to gently spread icing over cookies.
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TIDBITS
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1) It is worth restating from time to time that not all cookies are particularly fleet of foot.
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2) Please notice that the last two letters of “of” are “of.” It’s true. You can tell just by looking.
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3) The first two letters of “foot” are “fo.”
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4) Culinary linguists call whenever the first two letters of the second word are the reverse of the last two letters of the previous word an “offo.”
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5) Use this fact to amaze you fellow partiers. It’s also a sure-fire pick-up line.
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6) Friend: How did you get Miss America 2009 to come home with you?
You: I used the “offo” fact.
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7) See, proof you cannot deny.
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8) Anyway, not all cookies can move on their own.
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9) True, all cookies next to fault line, such as the San Andreas, clearly move in one direction or another. However, culinary seismologists don’t count as cookian–adjective for cookies–self propulsion.
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10) However, some cookies do move rather quickly.
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11) In fact, culinary sports announcers, will tell you after they’ve had a few, that Apple Cinnamon Cookies With Maple Glazing can move rather fast. Indeed, these apple cookies set the record for the 1500 meters with a speed of 2 minutes 2 seconds.
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12) Unfortunately, poor-sports human had Apple Cinnamon Cookies With Maple Glazing from Olympic individual foot races, giving the spurious excuse that Maple Glazing is a banned substance.
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13) However, the humans felt no need to ban Apple Cinnamon Cookies With Maple Glazing from relay racing.
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14) So, these cookies hold their own marathons. They celebrate diversity with all types of cookies encouraged to enter. Poway, California holds one every April 1st. Book you hotel rooms early.
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15) Be sure to look for the Apple Cinnamon Cookies with their Maple Glazing uniforms.
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16) Please refrain from eating cookies in front of the contestants. It rather hurts their feelings.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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