My stunt double
Is today July 11?
*My stunt double looks at calendar*
*My stunt double looks at date on cell phone*
They are in accord with each other.
Today is indeed July 11 and our 2024 calendar is correct.
It’s nice to know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
“A” and “I”
– Paul De Lancey
Day Two of hospital stay
Some of me is definitely in this blog.
– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Invented .0001000634 MYA
It is high time to resolve the swirling, seething controversy over what to call our years, AD or CE. The two camps remain armed to the teeth or seem to be in no mood for compromise.
For longest time the year 1963 was simply 1963. If we felt the need to tart it up a bit, we called it year 1963 AD. Here, AD is an abbreviation for the Latin words, Anno Domini, or the Year of our Lord. 44 years before year 1 was 44 BC. Here BC is an abbreviation for Before Christ.
But not everyone is a Christian or even okay with dating our times with BC and AD. So many people starting referring to BC as BCE and AD and CE, where BCE means Before Common Era and CE represents Common Era
But these appendages to the years can offend Christians or old-school historians. And this nomenclature doesn’t even change the numbers.
Bah! I will solve everything. We can all agree that if the time is now 4:15pm, then 12 noon is 14,400 SA (seconds ago) and that it is also .0000000005 MYA (million years ago.)
MYA is a time scheme used by archeologists, so it is a system we are all familiar with.
And here it is
MYA (Millions of Years Ago)
*This whole time scheme and table is based on July 8, 2024, 4:15pm being time zero. Please note; all numbers goe up by one second every second, and the MYAs** increase by a corresponding amount.
Years Called
Year SA or Seconds Ago* MYA** Important Event
AD or CE
2024 0 0.0000000000 Now – 4:15p
2024 14,400 0.0000000005 Today, High noon
2024 619,200 0.0000000196 Last Taco Tuesday
2023 21,603,600 0.0000006846 Halloween
1945 2,498,335,200 0.0000791675 VE Day
1924 3,157,761,600 0.0001000634 First cheeseburger made
1918 3,334,237,200 0.0001056556 Armistice Day
1865 5,019,314,400 0.0001590525 Juneteenth
1648 11,856,340,800 0.0003757048 Treaty of Westphalia
1492 16,780,363,200 0.0005317376 Columbus Lands in New World
1066 30,223,706,400 0.0009577315 Battle of Hastings
476 48,856,708,800 0.0015481757 Rome falls to Goths
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
In Part One, we saw how geometry haters tyrannized lovers of triangles. We also discovered how geometry made better living possible. In Part Two, we learned of the terrible rivalry between circles and triangles. When, oh when, will trianglistas ever bask in the sunshine that is peace and security?
Perhaps quite soon. Here in Part Three we learn of more nations incorporating triangles into their flags. Perhaps very soon we’ll amass enough triangle loving countries to form a United Nation for Triangles. Please, make this so. And now, the:
ROLL CALL OF FREEDOM
9. Democratic Republic of the Congo
Here, blue means peace, red stands for blood of martyrs, yellow represents prosperity, and the star symbolizes hope for a brighter future. (I would have used the Sun, because the stars at night while big and bright deep in the heart of Texas, don’t illuminate much. But to each his own.) Notice the placement of the two triangles. The upper-left triangle stands for the those who are rich and whose political views lean to the left. The bottom-right triangle symbolizes the lower classes and those whose views are more conservative. Thus, entire flag cleverly represents the hope that rich and poor as well as the liberal and conservative factions in politics can unite in mutual respect and harmony.
10. Cuba
The revolutionary who designed this flag wished for Cuba to join the United States. The white star, in his vision, would later become one of the stars on the American flag. This vision, remained unfulfilled and Cuba would go communist. (This is a real bummer as Cuban food takes its place as one of the world’s best cuisines. Cubans also love baseball and cars. What more do you want?) The blue stands for blueberries, the white for purity of ideals, and red for the blood shed during the wars for independence. The angles of the triangle represent: liberty, equality, and fraternity. Go, Cuba, go!
11. Czechia
The flag symbolizes national unity. Czech places it sole triangle at the left, a place of honor, as what righeous country would not? The two quadrilaterals represents tolerance for all views and presents an olive branch to the land’s quadrilateralic (a new word) separatists.
12. Djibouti
Blue represents the Somali Issas and green, the Muslim Afars. The white triangle stands for peace. (White triangles continue to be a potent symbol around the globe.) The red star represents the unity of Djibouti. (Another good thing.)
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Uranus is on the right
This blog derives from quite a similar blog called, “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” There, I calculated the number to be 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries. Afterward, my mind naturally thought of a way of confronting my arch enemy, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Why is he my arch enemy? He helped engineer the downfall of our beloved Pluto from planet to mere dwarf planet. Such a debasement of celestial status!
How would I confront Mr. Tyson? By attending a conference of astromers and engaging in the following conversation:
Me: Mr. Tyson.
Tyson: Yes, do you have a question?
Me: Yes, I do. Thanks (Always start out respectfully.) Did you know Uranus was originally called George?
(People titter. Mr. Tyson looks both annoyed and a tad worried.)
Me: Did you know that 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?
(The auditorium erupts into laughter. The shaken man recognizes the absurdity of his views on Pluto. He withdraws his assertion that Pluto is a dwarf planet. The other astronomers follow his lead. They vote again. The magnificent Pluto regains its rightful place in the heavens as a proud, glorious planet. I’d then bask in the knowledge that I had righted a grievous wrong.)
Well no. In “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” I had used the figure of 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles for the volume of Uranus. This was incorrect, Uranus’ volume is 6.83 * 10^27 cubic kilometers. The true volume of Uranus in miles equals 1.639 * 10^13 miles. This adjustment lowers the number of strawberries fitting in Uranus to 2.311 * 10^27.
Oh gosh, I’m ever so glad I didn’t cross words with Mr. Tyson back then. Eventually some astronomer would have checked my calculations and detected my error. He, probably Bob, would have published my error. The whole community of astronomers would have laughed and laughed at me. I’d have be mortified. The astronomer cabal would have taken my humiliation to dethrone Pluto, once again, to dwarf planetar status. And once again, life would have been bereft of joy.
But I didn’t see Mr. Tyson at such a conference. My goof has gone unnoticed. (Unless, of course, the learned man reads this blog.) Now, I have the opportunity to alter one line of my conference conversation to:
Me: Did you know that 2.311 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?
And the conference will surely erupt into laughter. Pluto will once more be a planet. And I will win a Nobel Prize. Yay! The Sun will again shine over our lives.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
It is, of course, fascinating to wonder about the size of our internal organs. This was nearly the only thing our ancestors talked about before the advent of the internet, computers, electricity, and other newfangled inventions. Nowadays, we’ve diverted some of our attention to photos of puppies, kitten, and where to find the best Taco-Tuesday deals.
But we still care the size of our organs. As who would not?
It transpires that the average size of a human brain is 1350 cubic centimers. How big is that? And what is a cubic centimer?
Clearly the size of anything in cubic centimeters eludes us? We need a image of something we all readily know.
The large Slurpee cup. The volume of this well-known beverage is 651 cubic centimeters. Now we’re cooking with gas. Using this vital information, we can calculate the size of all sorts of innards into something we can all understand. And here we go.
HUMAN BODY PART SIZE CHART
organ…………………………….volume in large Slurpee cups
It’s as big as 2.074 large Slurpee cups
air……………………….9.22 (Not an organ, but it’s inside our body so I’m listing it.)
body, male………….92.17
brain………………….2.074
chimpanzee brain….0.59 (Chimpanzees are not humans. So, we do not possess chimpanzee brains. But it’s an enchanting fact.)
fat………………………18.43 (We’ve been drinking a lot of Slurpees.)
hair……………………..0.02
heart……………………0.46
homo erectus brain..1.23 (Home erectus is an ancestor for many of us and us it’s nice to know the size of forebearer Ogg’s brain.)
intestinal tract………2.76
kidneys…………………0.41
liver……………………..2.26
lungs……………………..1.19
muscle………………..35.33
pancreas……………….0.15 (This small organ does something.)
poop…………………….3.07 (What your “full of,” is this amount.)
skeleton………………10.56
skin………………………2.76
urinary bladder……..0.21 (Where does all that Slurpee go, if not there?)
urine…………………….0.77 (That’s bigger than our bladder! What the heck?)
Now you know. If your local eater bar or restaurant holds quiz show features the topic body-part sizes, you’ll win for sure.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
A group of crows is a murder, but what about gangs of other things, what are they called?
I’m glad you asked.
A group of . . …………. is a
An overripening of avocados
advertisements……….snack break
apples…………………….browning
astronomers……………Pluto hater
avocados…………………overripening
bacon……………………..heaven
live bands………………..hearing loss
bank robberies…………getaway
banks………………………fee
burgers……………………handful
clouds……………………..imagination
court cases……………….delay
customer service………hold
dishes……………………..mountain
DMV lines……………….horizon
doughnuts……………….fattening
gin………………………….tipsy
kittens…………………….squee
lutefisk……………………stench
mistakes………………….inevitability
mosquitoes………………bite
potatoes…………………..Idaho
puppies……………………squee
printers……………………Devil
road repairs……………..eternity
shrimp…………………….cocktail
spam……………………….annoyance
storm clouds…………….gray
stoves………………………heat
tacos……………………….bliss or Tuesday
taranatulas………………scare
tax documents…………felled forest
Now you know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Their brilliant song “My Best Friend’s Girlfriend” immerses us into a world of envy, abandonment, regret, and betrayal as can be seen in:
“(Here she comes again)
When she’s dancing ‘neath the starry sky
I kinda like the way she dips
“Well she’s my best friend‘s girl
She’s my best friend’s girl
But she used to be mine”
But didn’t you hear dressed instead of friend’s?
“(Here she comes again)
When she’s dancing ‘neath the starry sky
I kinda like the way she dips
“Well she’s my best dressed‘s girl
She’s my best dressed girl
But she used to be mine”
She doesn’t leave the protagonist because his best friend is more attractive and smarter than he. Instead, she severs the relationship because the singer is distressingly shallow. He desires her only for her impeccable taste in clothes. He cannot accept the breakup. He places himself where he see her coming toward him. He does this many times. He’s become a stalker. This kinda changes the meaning of the song. And now, the incorrect lyrics.
Misheard lyrics #20
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I was twice misdiagnosed as not having Covid. For two weeks. Because the first two urgent cares wouldn’t test for Covid. When I had a sever cold. When I was coughing up lots of phlegm. I had no temperature, so I couldn’t have cough. So, I had Covid for three weeks instead of one. At my worst, I coughed up big gobs of green phlegm about every fifteen minutes. For 72 hours straight. No real sleep. Just a few minutes of light for about eight minutes between coughing fits. Grr.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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