SON OF A BUN CHEESEBURGER
½ cup mayonnaise
3 tablespoons ketchup
1½ tablespoons yellow mustard
4 teaspoons sweet pickle relish
2¼ teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
¾ teaspoon white wine vinegar
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon sugar
INGREDIENTS – REST
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1¼ pounds ground beef (80% is best)
8 slices American cheese
8 hamburger buns
1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce
Makes 8 cheeseburgers. Takes 1 hour.
Add all sauce ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Chill in refrigerator until ready.
PREPARATION – REST
Dice onion. Use mandoline or knife to cut tomato into slices ¼” thick. Add onion and oil to pan. Sauté onion at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Remove from heat. Divide beef into 8 balls. Press down on balls until they become patties ¼” thick.
Grill patties at medium heat for 7 minutes. Flip patties over. Grill for 4 minutes. Top each patty with 1 slice American cheese. Grill for 2 minutes more. Remove patties from heat. Divide special sauce equally among all 16 bun halves. Spread sauce evenly over bun haves. Add cheese-covered patties to bun bottoms. Top patties with sautéd onions. Sprinkle iceberg lettuce evenly over onions. Place 1 tomato slice over each cheeseburger. Place top bun on each cheeseburger.
1) I had some difficulty naming this dish. So I had a contest where my FacebookTM friends got to name this burger.
2) Mike Allsopp, a retired policeman from Florida, came up with the winning entry. Thanks Mike!
3) So Mike has helped his community by arresting bad guys and in general by keeping the peace.
4) Mr. Allsopp also won a BoeingTM 747 for his clever suggestion.
5) Though there are doubts that he ever received his prize.
6) For although I know the name of the city where he lives, I don’t know his specific address.
7) And pilots for commercial jets really want to know that sort of thing.
8) Moreover, Mike has a short driveway.
9) How short? Oh I don’t know, maybe 30 feet long.
10) How long a runway does a 747 require to land?
11) The answer seems to be about 10,000 feet.
12) So most likely. the jet landing at Mike’s house would hurtle past the 30 foot driveway and into his garage where it’d completely demolish a Honda FitTm as if it weren’t even there.
13) Which might not be the case. Mike might have a HummerTM limo for partying around town.
14) Sad to say, though, the Hummer limo wouldn’t stand up the rampaging 747 either.
15) Most likely the 747 wouldn’t halt stop until it tore down several fences and pancaked house after house after house.
16) The plane, would also certainly destroy any garden gnomes in the neighborhood. So some would come out of it.
17) But upon sober reflection, I would have to say, all in all, Mike’s neighbors would be rather peeved at him. Miffed even.
18) Especially those neighbors whose garden gnomes got crushed.
19) And I’m entertaining doubts that the pilots’ union would even countenance such a difficult landing. So, it’s quite possible the plane meant for Mike never even took off. ☹
20) So Mike if you’re ever in my neighborhood, come on over and I’ll grill you some Son of a Bun Cheeseburgers.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.